My Evil Twin

The above picture is of A. - not my evil twin!

Last night I was sitting in my chair reading my catalog and trying to shoo the kids away. It was my "everyone go away and leave me alone" mode. Then I realized why...PMS! (This is after all the TMI spot.)

So yesterday's post about my friend which was supposed to be laughing at her came out a lot meaner than I meant it to. BTW my friend hates computers and never gets on the internet, so her chance of viewing this is zero. I'm not that passive-agressive.

One week (or a bit longer) of every month, the PMS evil twin arrives. She looks like me, but she screams a lot and devours large quantities of chocolate. Be afraid - be very afraid.

If I could just hide in the corner and nobody would talk to me it would be much better. But the children are like sharks in the water. They feel the vibrations of the wounded animal trying to swim. They are moving in for the kill. This is a no win situation for everyone.

Exercising helps, but both little ones are sick this week so we can't go to the health club. When I try to do a tape at home the toddler insists on being on my hip. If I lay down to do abs, I am trampoline mom! We live in a really hilly neighborhood so walking is tough. Have I used up every excuse not to exercise yet?

So my posts may sound edgy and kind of, well...crazed!

Yesterday was an interesting day - well maybe not horribly - but there were a few incidents.

The toddler (SJ) was in the back yard and he pooped. He pulled off the diaper. The dog was eating the poop.

"MMM- tastes like chicken, thanks. And in this handy wrapper too."

SJ had poop smashed on his feet. At least I have dealt with this situation before. The shock factor has worn off, just not the ewwww factor.

A., my six-year old girl, starts school Wednesday. Is California the only state that does year-round school? I hate it. Just when I get used to sleeping in, we have to start getting up early again. Wah. Yeah, I know. "Carolyn, pity party of one this way please."

I took her to the store just to get a few summer outfits, enough to last until fall. She begged to go to "pick them out." The minute we walked in the door, she wanted a toy. I told her that we are trying to get rid of toys, not bring more home. Then she wanted a book. I think books are great, but she won't put her huge collection up on the shelf and they're currently piled on the floor. So I said no to the book. She got mad at me then. Every outfit I held up was "ugly."

We went to checkout. A. kept begging for crap. No, no, no continued to be the answer. She "accidentally" knocked over a stuffed animal display. I picked it up and told her not to touch anything. She kept touching stuff. She was rude to the checkout clerk. People were staring in disbelief. It was EMBARRASING!

To my credit, I didn't beat her senseless. I made her take a nap when we got home. Or maybe I should have beaten her, who knows? They do get the occasional slap on the bum, but time out and revocation of privileges is how I usually play it.

Why oh why do my children decide to make me the most proud of them in front of an audience? There is nothing that brings the flush of humiliation to your cheeks like the public tantrum. It is like your children are telling everyone that you are a bad mom.

Have you ever looked at a mother whose kid is running around out of control and thought it was the parent's fault? I used to smugly do that when I only had my first child. Then A. came along. Three parenting books and seven counseling sessions later I realized she was a strong-willed child. This is the child psychologist's politically correct way of saying stubborn little sh!#. A strong-willed child is not like the usual (dare I say normal) compliant child. A compliant child wants to please you. A strong-willed child want to please themselves. It is so hard, because you have to be consistent in your expectations and what the consequences will be. She is so much work. She will push every boundary there is. I am so looking forward to the teen years. Most people either love A. for her spirit or can't stand her. There isn't much middle ground.

S.J. is shaping up to be this way also. Oh goody, two of them.

But, you know, they're healthy and thriving. So in the big picture that is life, I guess we're doing okay.

Have a great day.