Monday, September 26, 2005

Kids Are Fun

I was reading Oldhorsetailsnake's blog today and it contained some funny things that kids have said. This made me think of A.

One time as we were driving down the road. We had just left the gym. She said, "Mom I heard that song Cheerio girl."

"Cheerio girl?" I questioned.

"Yeah, you know. Living in a cheerio world and I am a cheerio girl."

(This was her version of Madonna's MATERIAL girl.)

We are staying in the motel one more night. A and J have been fighting like two alley cats stuck in a cage. J is fifteen years old. A is six. You'd think that J could suck it up, but A can easily irritate her.

It's gotten kind of funny. A has discovered the role of annoying little sister and she plays it to the hilt.

This morning, J was looking for her sweater and asked A where it was. She was accusing A of losing it.

A said, "Perhaps this will help." She then stuck her hand under her armpit and made a farting noise.

I'm still laughing thinking about it.

This motel living was kind of stressful at first, but now I'm relaxing into it. There are no dishes to do and cleaning up takes all of ten minutes. Do I have to go home? LOL

October is almost here. It's hard to believe. I bet that Babelbabe is getting eager for that little one to arrive. The long wait is almost over. Hopefully she doesn't forget my birth story!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

New Puppy

I hope this works. I'm trying to post the new puppy pics. I think they're so cute so you don't kill them when they pee on the floor!

So Very Tired

We are in the hotel again. The laying of the floor has run into more snags. There was a huge hump going down the middle of our hallway. Jousts had to be adjusted and it had to be sanded. I'm not certain of all the technical details, but right now, to get down our hallway you have to walk down a board in the middle. This is not so very kid-friendly, obviously.

Oddly enough, the motel doesn't have cable TV. A is going a little batty. I took her to the park today for about half an hour. She and SJ weren't ready to leave, but I was. J has a cold and she very kindly shared it with me. I am quite exhausted.

It would be nice to go to bed for a week, but the little ankle biters refuse to nap. Do you know why rich people look so much better than us common folk? It's not the expensive lotions. If they need to sleep, they just give their kids to the nanny.

We have some childless (by choice) friends and they look twenty years younger than us. They're about ten years older. Perhaps not having to yell, "because I said so," every ten minutes is great for your complexion.

Of course, if I didn't have my children, I would have no lovely stories to share about cleaning poopies off the floor. Surely everybody would miss those stories. LOL

J forgot to pack socks so we got some today. The checker looked like, I kid you not, Granny from the Looney Tunes cartoons. She had gray hair in a bun, glasses, the same chin and a monstrous bosom. I looked behind the counter to see if she had a dress on, but she didn't. Her bosoms were shaped EXACTLY the same as they are drawn on the cartoon Granny - like the prow of a ship.

We had an almost home-cooked meal tonight. I went to the store and purchased one of those complete dinners that go in the crockpot. It wasn't too bad. This was my friend Sarah's idea. She suggested it when I was whining about how tired I was of takeout.

Boots is also at the hotel with us. He finished SJ's dinner. It was in a paper bowl, so he ate a little of the bowl also. I'm sure he will be quite aromatic in a few hours.

Another odd thing about this motel is that our room only had two washclothes. Is there a washcloth shortage we should be aware of? Rather than go to the front desk, I grabbed some from home. We're only five minutes from home, thank goodness!

Well, SJ is smelling a little spoiled so I'd better get back to work. It's time to force him into the tub. Good night. Or good morning if you're reading this in the morning.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Motel Hell

Oh boy, another lovely day of the house being uninhabitable. Right now we are in a hotel with high speed internet. Sounds relaxing, huh?


My husband hired a friend to help with the house. This morning they went and got windows. Then the friend left for a few hours to take care of some other things.

I took SJ for more assessments. He is definitely behind and next Thursday we will be doing our individual family assessment plan. This is where they set up what resources he will need and the schedule.

I got home, attempted to clean the kitchen and then the friend "K" showed up. Immediately SJ began to interfere with what he was trying to do. I packed up SJ and took off. This was at one. I told K and my husband that I would try to keep busy until four and then come home.

What a long day. Lots of time on the road, picking up of kids and running errands ensued. I got home. K had been kicking butt. The house was roached. All the ceilings were scraped. The kitchen linoleum was gone. White debris covered everything. The air was cloudy. A walked in barefoot and stabbed her foot on a carpet tack.

I told my hubby perhaps I should get a motel. I was hot and sweaty. I had been out for three hours. I needed to sit down. He agreed it would be best. Had I even known what I would come home to, I would have gotten the room at one o'clock.

I won't bore you with the details but when we got here the usual chaos and mayhem ensued. This mostly consists of keeping SJ out of the bathroom and keeping A from playing with the coffee pot.

While I was writing this, SJ just filled his diaper and stunk up the whole room. The wipes are down in the van and I can't find the keys. I very carefully sat him on the toilet and took off the diaper. Of course, a big turd fell on the bathroom floor. I had to pick it up and keep SJ from trying to rub his foot in it.

A wants to go swimming. Yeah, right. I am too pooped to poop, let alone take her to the pool. I am tired and sweaty and the damn air conditioning won't blow any colder than it is.

J knocked my dinner on the floor. Good thing it sucked or I would have been a whole lot more irritated.

J and A are screaming obnoxiously at each other.

I wish I we had gotten connecting hotel rooms. Then I could have just locked myself on one side and let my annoying little jungle animals stay on the other side chewing each other's legs, shrieking and crapping all over the place.

God, I sound like such a bitch.

I haven't got a chance to read my newspaper in five days. I know there are worse things in life, but I'm griping anyway.

I'm whining and I can't shut up! Self-pity is so boring!

So I will count my blessings. There are many of them. We are all healthy. This will come to an end and my house will enter the 2000's. (Well in the case of the kitchen, the 90's anyway!)

Oh and when I get my normal computer hooked back up, I have the cutest pics of our new puppy to share! She's sweet.

I think I will steal this chance to view your blogs. Yay!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Home Improvement Hell

I am blogging very briefly from my husband's laptop. I miss reading everyone else's logs and feel like I am missing out on so much. When this is done, I'm taking a week just to read what everyone has written.

Putting down new flooring was the understatement of the century. Here is what we are doing. (and I'm sure I've left some stuff out)

Scraping the cottage cheese ceilings in the hallway and family room.
Chasing SJ
Sanding and repainting all the kitchen cabinets plus painting the kitchen.
Chasing SJ
Pulling up old flooring in kitchen, living room, family room and hallway and replacing with Pergo.
Chasing SJ
Retexturing walls and ceiling in family room. Painting family room.
Chasing SJ
Installing new storm windows and replacing slider door with French door.
Chasing SJ

That sound you hear is me screaming in frustration. I can only paint when he naps. Anything I do when he is awake he has to be involved in. I am also trying to keep up with my regular stuff.

What in hell were we thinking?

Did I say three days? Mwahahahaha. I am an idiot.

I hit the floor running at 6:30 and collapse around 9:00.

We hit so many snags and obstacles in the family room it's not even funny.

Do you know how hard home improvement is on a marriage? Mama never warned me there'd be days like this, at least not weeks like this!
Totally off the home improvement topic, I have to tell you about this Mom at A's school. I saw her waiting a few times to pick up her child. She looked kind of unisex. She had on a t-shirt and shorts, no make-up, and long unstyled hair. But I knew she was a Mom, because she had boobs.

The other day she said something to someone and I realized she was in fact, a Dad. Thank goodness I never walked up to her and said, "So whose Mom are you?"

Those are the kind of things I tend to do.

Remember Pat from Saturday Night Live?
Yesterday I took Boots to the vet. While we were waiting in the exam room, Boots farted. When the vet came in, he left the door open to air the room out. I didn't say anything. What do you say? Yah, the dog did it. Sure. Glad to know the dog is doing his part along with the children to embarrass me!

Friday, September 16, 2005

Bye For Now

We will be installing Pergo floors so the computer must be undone from the wall and moved. No computer access for me. )^:

Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Favorite Articles of Clothing

SJ has a favorite shirt he loves to wear. It is a bright orange and yellow Hawaiian style shirt. If he sees it as I'm folding it, he likes to put it on. He doesn't care much about clothing other than that particular shirt.

SJ and his shirt make me think of Good Shepherd, a place where I used to work around eighteen years ago. It was a home for developmentally disabled adults. It was a more like a campus. There were around six different houses. The houses were divided according to the functioning ability of the individuals who lived there. The houses were named after trees. I think the house with the lowest functioning adults was Ponderosa and the highest functioning adults were in Cedar. In Ponderosa, all the food had to be blended up for the residents, as none of them chewed. It made me a bit queasy to watch dinner time at Ponderosa. Of course, this was before I had kids and had changed enough poopy diapers to make a trail from one end of the United States to the other. I had not yet been vomited on and crapped on and had boogers wiped on my shoulder.

I eventually began working the graveyard shift. It paid a bit more. Somehow I ended up at Cedar, the most desirable house to be at. The nightshift cleaned and did laundry. There was one lady named Angie that had to go to the bathroom at night a lot. She would yell, "gotta go bathroom!" Then I went to her room to help her and she would say, "need my grasses (glasses)." I helped her get her glasses and make her way to the toilet but I drew the line at wiping her afterwards. That was, of course, more than my gross out factor could tolerate. Honestly, I'm not even sure I could do that now. God bless CNA's.

There was a gentleman there whose name I can't recall who tried to help me with the laundry. There was a huge, industrial washer and a large closet dowel that was used to push the laundry in. He loved to push the laundry with the stick. I enjoyed him a lot.

I think he got kicked out of Cedar House because he kept passing gas instead of holding it in. Apparently he didn't make the "manners" cut. I personally thought that was stupid. He was farting where he lived. Can you tell me any man that doesn't pass gas in his own house?

Those people had no dignity, no privacy and no personal choices. What was a bit of gas? Perhaps it was his own private revolution fired one stink bomb at a time.

There was one gentleman that had a favorite pair of boxers. Every day he wore the same boxers. I thought maybe it was because they always got put on the top of his underwear pile. One night, I buried them on the bottom. The next day he was wearing the same boxers. (That was kind of the point of this rambling story. SJ and his shirt made me think of this man and his boxers.)

This guy loved those boxers. Maybe they were super comfortable. Maybe he liked the look of them. They had a nice plaid pattern to them. They were spiffy for boxers.

My husband is much like that gentleman with his pants. I can go shopping and buy him five pair. Inevitably, I end up washing the same two over and over again. If the fabric doesn't feel just so, he won't wear them. Black pants and navy blue pants in one-hundred percent cotton don't feel the same to him as tan pants in one-hundred percent cotton. I could wash the black pants in hot water fifty times, run over them with the van and pummel them with rocks. It wouldn't matter. They would still never be soft enough to touch his skin.

After ten years of marriage, you surrender to the inevitable.

Thinking of where I worked then versus where I work now (my house) made me think. We are all more alike than we realize, regardless of our physical or mental abilities. It's either that or my family is developementally disabled. You decide.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Too Much Of A Day

Today was too much of a day to even write about everything. It has been a long one!

SJ and I went to Mervyn's. I purchased lot of clothes for him and a decent amount for A. They are both between sizes which is aggravating. If I buy him a 2T, his pants are too short. If I buy him a 3T, they are too long. It's the same with A, only she is between a 6X and a 7.

I wish I knew how to sew so I could just alter them. I also accidentally purchased a 6X shirt for A so I have to take it back. Grrrrr.

SJ wore out in Mervyn's. It's that whole, "I am a guy therefore I loathe shopping" thing. So we took the back road home and the strawberry stand was open. Yay! I purchased a half flat of some yummy berries. There are a few advantages to living in California.

When we got home, I tried to call Verizon Wireless. My husband had tried to pay the bill online and my account locked up. Apparently my phone is password protected. Funny, I never did that. Is it "open sesame"? Who the heck knows?

I called Verizon's eight-hundred number and sat through the voice mail. At the very beginning of the message, they talk about how they are "there" for the Hurricane Katrina victims.

I finally got voice mail but couldn't access my account, because it is "password protected." There was no way to go back to the previous options so I had to dial again.

I messed up the second time around also. So I had to dial again.

The third time around I got the customer service extension, but a voice said that I had to call a different eight-hundred number. So I did.

I sat through the SAME menu, got customer service, heard the same message! I hope none of the Hurricane Katrina victims actually need to talk to a real frickin' person, because they will be more shit out of luck than they already are.

A had to go to the pediatrician. She has bronchitis. Her prescriptions (with insurance) cost fifty dollars. Clothing for the two of them today was over a hundred. My children are bankrupting me.

My minivan has started making a new noise. Did I mention I just got it back Monday after paying fourteen-hundred dollars to get the piece of crap fixed? Never ever under any circumstances buy a Chrysler Town & County Minivan. THEY SUCK! That is, they suck all your money from your wallet.

In summary, I am crabby and tired. It's been a heckuva long day!

SJ wants some cuddles and his wish is my command. Good night.

My Energizer Bunny

Hopefully I will get time to post later today. I did want to share SJ in his Halloween costume. In one picture, there are blue scribbles on the wall behind him. Just more of his art work. LOL

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Lovely Fall Weather

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. There is a light breeze. It's heavenly outside. So here I sit wasting it as usual, what's wrong with me?

It was hard to get out of bed this morning. The window was open and the cool breeze was coming in. It was still dark outside. The irresponsible part of me wanted to stay cuddled under those warm covers.

The responsible part of me shuffled down the hallway, packed lunches and herded children off to school. I hate the responsible part of my personality. She never lets me have any fun. I've definitely lost my mojo.
SJ and I went to the consigment store today to drop off some fall kid's clothes. We also looked for size 7 pants for A. There were no size 7 pants to be found. I thought to myself, also, that some of the prices were kind of high for used clothing. Mervyn's sells new clothing for 50% off almost every Wednesday.

Sure enough, I got home and found a sales flyer. Mervyn's is indeed having their 50% off sale tomorrow. We will have to squeeze a shopping trip into our schedule somehow.
SJ was formally assessed yesterday on his speech. He is 15 months and 16 months behind in two different areas. Now we will be working with speech therapists.

I had to answer a lot of questions about the things he was capable of doing. At one point, I was asked if he could scribble. All I had to do was point at the wall that was about five feet away from us.

All of these services are free, because they are through the county. It is nice to benefit from our taxes sometimes, because we certainly pay plenty of them.

If he is still speech delayed when he is three, he might get free pre-school. I will be working with him now though, to help with his speech. Preschool would be nice but I can't, in good conscience, slack on helping him just so I could have some lovely, lovely alone time.
I am an evil mother. A was coughing last night so I put her on the couch to sleep. She insisted that her brother's toy Boohbah not be in the room as it scares her. For anybody who doesn't know what Boohbahs are, they are characters from a PBS show. They dance and make farting noises. They look a little like giant penises with eyeballs and intact fuzzy foreskins. Nothing to be afraid of there.

There are two doors into our family room. I went to the one leading from the kitchen, pushed Boohbah's button and made him dance.

Her skinny little ass flew across the room. She was PISSED OFF and she was crying. I felt bad, but not really, because it was so funny.

I also pull the legs off spiders in my spare time.

I will post a picture of the evil Boohbah at the beginning of this post.

Have a great Tuesday.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

The Greatest Country

We live in the greatest country in the world. There are many things we take for granted that are not as freely available in other countries.

Our children get a free public education, boys and girls both. We are free to choose what we want to do with our education. Women can be doctors, lawyers, teachers - the sky is the limit.

It is not legal for men to beat their wives. They can't set them on fire because all the dowry is spent and they want a new wife. Our young girls aren't circumcised with rusty razor blades. We don't leave our daughters on orphanage steps because they weren't born a son.

We can go vote peacefully. Nobody is going to shoot us or bomb us when we go to the polls.

If we don't like something, we can do our best to change it. We can speak out, collect signatures, get our issues on the ballot.

If our elected officials are jackasses, we can say so loudly. We can yell it in the streets, take out an ad, post it on the internet. We have the power to vote them out in the next election and replace them with another jackass.

We have social programs and safety nets. While they don't catch everyone, neither are we leaving our people to starve in the streets.

Even grocery stores are something we take for granted. There isn't a separate place to go for bread and for meat and for the other necessities. They are all under one roof, and if we don't like their prices, we can go just a few minutes down the road.

When the terrorists struck on September 11th, they shook up a lot of our assumptions. For a while, we didn't feel safe. They wanted to disrupt our lives and they did. But we refused to allow them to permanently change the way we live. We continue to work, love and raise our families. We will never forget the events of September 11th. How could we? But we will also not be cowed by fear.

Fortunately, those son of a bitches didn't destroy our country like they were trying to do. A pox on their "holy war." They are overgrown playground bullies with weapons and I hope they all burn in hell.

This country is not perfect. No country is, but we are closer to perfect than any other place on earth. Nobody can take that away from us. I am so glad that I live in the United States.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

SJ Strikes Again

Sometimes your child shows you from an early age that they will have to learn the same lesson repeatedly. SJ is one of those children.

He has stuck metal keys in the outlets, not once but twice. Then he tried to do it a third time. Getting the crap shocked out out of you once seems like it would be sufficient to me.

One time he kept trying to play with the oven. He wanted to open and shut it. I needed to cook with it so I told him "hot" and kept pushing him away from it. The phone rang and, while I was talking, he ran in the kitchen as fast as he could and put his palms on the inside of the oven door. That day, he learned hot, or so I thought.

For some reason, "hot" continues to be a source of fascination. I say,"hot". He repeats the word. Then he touches it anyway. Does he not believe me?

I rarely, if ever, use the front burners on the stove because he can reach them. We tried putting up a stove guard once but that was dismantled within a week.

When I was canning with my friend, Sarah, I had to use the front burner. He stuck his finger in the flame AFTER I SAID HOT ABOUT TEN TIMES!

Last night he was playing with something I thought was safe. It was one of those long metal spatulas that are used for cake decorating. There were no sharp edges. It wasn't heavy enough to fall on his foot and hurt it.

Suddenly I heard shrieking from the kitchen. Now what! I went out and saw the spatula on the floor and I just knew. Sure enough, it was hot to the touch. He was holding his mouth and shrieking.

Dinner had been cooking on the back burner. He took the spatula, warmed it up in the flame, and put it in his mouth. I didn't know what to do. You can't put aloe vera on a tongue!

I was panicked and mad, trying to call our health insurance company's advice line, and yelling a lot. I couldn't find the advice line number. Our old insurance company had it very plainly printed on the card. This company hides it somewhere in the fine print where it takes an hour to find it. You're much more cost effective to them if you're DEAD.

At that moment, my husband came home from work. I told him what happened and he whipped out an ice cube. Duh, why didn't I think of that?

My husband told me he had burned his tongue as a kid and he remembered what he had done. SJ immediately got quiet, partly because of the ice cube and partly because my husband was so much more sympathetic than me.

Once my husband got me on the right track, I hauled out the popsicles and let SJ eat them until he was done.

This kid has such a hard head that there are bound to be many more moments like this in my life. I can hardly wait. Just bring on the valium, please.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Scary Dragon

I found a scary dragon in my house. EEEEK!

Thursday, September 08, 2005


This morning SJ enjoyed a breakfast of blueberries, bowl after bowl after bowl. He ate the good part of a pound of blueberries.

I knew that there would be a large diaper the next morning, but I discovered something about my child. When it comes to blueberries, he seems to have a four hour turn-around.

I was obliviously sorting papers while he pooped in the corner. He then brought over a blueberry to me. It looked something like a blueberry, but it was definitely a "pooberry." He had it all over his hands and some on his forehead. This kid is so gross that I can only think he is preparing me for something far more disgusting to come in my life.
A's Halloween costume arrived today. We "won" a dragon costume on ebay. Usually, I attempt to handmake their costumes. The hot glue gun is a favorite October tool of mine.

This year she said, "I want to be a dragon."

I didn't feel like making wings, and scales, and a tail and whatever else. So I cheated. I purchased a ready made costume. Just shoot me.

She is thrilled with it so I guess it's okay not to be Suzy Homemaker this year.
My husband told me a little over two weeks ago that his toothbrush needed a head. I pulled the head out of the drawer, showed it to him, and set the package near his toothbrush. Normally I would put it on the brush for him, but I was on the way out the door. I watched as the package with the toothbrush head sat there on the bathroom counter for about five days.

When I went in and cleaned the bathroom that week, I set it right next to his toothbrush. I didn't mind putting it on, but I wanted to see how long it would take him. I felt like a scientist studying a subject. Another week or so went past. Just as I had decided to do it, he put the head on. It took at least a week and a half. Too bad I hadn't thought to start a betting pool going.

Of course, I only feel fair adding that he probably waits longer for me to pick up the long trail of bras and socks I sling over our bedroom.
For dinner tonight we had pizza and spaghetti. My friend ,Sarah, turned me on to the loaves of frozen dough in the grocery store. That's what I use for pizza crust. Let it rise all day then pat it out over the pizza pan. At a cost of a dollar a loaf, it is substantially cheaper than buying pizza. We used the same sauce on the spaghetti and the pizza. It was Ragu - Sundried Tomato and Sweet Basil. This sauce is so foodgasmic. It has big chunks of tomato in. Just put it on your noodles and you have a meal. Nothing else is necessary.
My van is in the garage again and our spare car overheated today. I can probably find J a ride tomorrow, but I will have to pick up A. Perhaps we'll walk. I sure hope we don't have too, though.

There's nothing like a chorus of SJ's shrieks when he is trying to escape the stroller intermingled with A whining, "my legs are tired."
A didn't like the bedtime story I picked last night. Don't you love it? It's the end of the day. You're exhausted. You just want the kids to GET THE HELL TO BED, and they complain about the story.

The bedtime story was actually a story from a children's bible. I had the urge to beat her about the head WITH A CHILDREN'S BIBLE! Surely this will earn me a special place somewhere, but not at the pearly gates, I'm sure.

Have a great weekend everybody.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Life has been really busy lately. Time just keeps slipping through my fingers and I'm not sure what I'm doing with it. If someone looks around my house, they can see what I'm NOT doing with it. Actually, I am trying like heck, but it is like running in a hamster wheel.
Took SJ for a walk today in his stroller. We strolled by the library and I thought I would give it a try. I walked in. SJ began screaming and trying to escape his stroller. I walked out MUCH faster than I had walked in.
Our weekend was nice. We went to Apple Hill Sunday and purchased some fresh produce. We also purchased four pounds of frozen blueberries for making pancakes, muffins and whatever else I think of during the winter.

I canned Sunday night and Monday afternoon. We barbecued Monday evening. In addition to the obligatory meat, we had mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheddar cheese, green onions and bacon bits added. We had artichokes and corn on the cob. For dessert, I baked an apple pie (yes, Mom, with macs) and made homemade ice cream. The crust recipe was courtesy of Babelbabe and is the best crust I have managed to make yet. That recipe is definitely a keeper!

Did I mention that I am up two and a half pounds? It's that extra layer of fat to get me through the winter. LOL
My dear hubby watched the kids Friday night so I could visit a friend. When I got home, SJ was already in bed.

On Saturday morning, he came up and slapped me! (SJ, not my husband)

Later Saturday, I went to the grocery store without him.

When I got home, he slapped me again.

Okay, SJ, I get it. You're like American Express. Don't leave home without you!
We have received the money from our house refinancing. We are having a problem spending it the way we want to. We wanted to get a used RV that would sleep six. A person would think that these would be getting a little cheaper in response to gas prices. That is not the case. I would love to take my kids camping before they're in their thirties! Alas, I may not get to unless we purchase one that is twenty years old with faded "grandma's couch" uphostery.
J had a doctor's appointment yesterday. It was for three o'clock. We arrived at 2:50. She was shown to her room at 3:15. We didn't get out of the office until 4:30. SJ was a terror, of course. He charged down the hallway three times. He screeched a lot. He played in the water fountain and I let him because, by that point, I didn't give a crap.

Around four, a lady came in with her three sons. SJ let out one of his signature screeches and the bitch rolled her eyes. I wanted to smack her. She must be one of those parents that has perfect little zombie children. A talked so much that the lady finally left the waiting room and waited outside. Way to go A!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Uncouth Fairy

A lost a tooth this weekend. She has been losing them since she was four so the tooth fairy has been faithfully visiting us for a couple of years. (except for on the nights she fell asleep - damn fairy!)

The few times that A hasn't been visited by the tooth fairy, I have gone and dug around in her covers. Then, gasp, magically the money is there and I tell her she just wasn't looking hard enough. We try very hard not to forget. Apparently my mother did this to my sister once, and she was scarred for life.

Last night, A put her tooth under her pillow and went to bed. I rocked SJ to sleep and he and I went to bed.

Around four in the morning, I heard A coughing. My first thought was that she needed to get the stuffed animals out of her bed. My second thought was, "Oh crap, the tooth fairy!"

I checked my husband's wallet and it was empty. I knew mine was also. There was a large pile of loose change that I put in a baggie. Thank goodness for loose change!

None of the lights were on and I tried to tiptoe silently down the hall. Only the floor kept creaking. Then I stumbled on the large piece of cardboard that A had put in the hallway earlier. It sounded like creak, creak, thud, "damn it", creak, creak.

I managed to make it to her door. I crept into her room and heard, "grrrrrrr." Boots didn't know who I was and it was a loud growl. He didn't sound like a terrified "shake and piss" chihuahua. He sounded serious.

There is a saying about Boston Terriers and burglars. The only way a Boston Terrier will injure a burglar is if he licks him to death. Boots hadn't heard that saying. I'm glad he didn't attack me.

That would have woken A up for sure. Then she would have realized that I was the tooth fairy or she would have thought I had snuck in to steal her money. Neither option was appealing.

"Shush, Boots, it's me," I whispered.

I felt around for the envelope with the tooth and couldn't find it so I just left the money. I have problems finding the envelope EVERY TIME. I'm beginning to wonder if she shoves the envelope in her butt crack at night.

A was so excited with the money that she ran out in the morning. There was a FIFTY CENT PIECE! There was also a state quarter and a nickel with a different design on back than the normal one.

I went in her room and couldn't find the envelope. I thought I'd look while she was at school.

Of course she found the envelope and started opening it before school. Butt crack, I'm telling you.

"Go brush your teeth," I barked. Then I snuck the tooth out and left the envelope while she brushed. I am so not slick.

Either she still believes, despite the bumbling or she knows that two dollars for an old tooth is a damn good deal. She's very shrewd, but I bet it's the former, for now.

Monday, September 05, 2005

From the Newspaper

This is some stuff from the newspaper I enjoyed. It's the notion that many everyday objects have a gender.

1)Plastic bags are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2)Web pages are female because they;re always getting hit on.

3)Tires are male because they go bald and are often overinflated.

4)Hourglasses are female because, over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

5)Hammers are male because they haven't changed much over the past 5,000 years, but they're handy to have around.

6)Sponges are female because they're soft, squeezable, and retain water.

Lol. Have a happy Monday!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Three Day Weekend - Woo hoo!

I love three day weekends! It gives me extra time to spend at home, hopefully with the kids, and to get more stuff done.
I know it seems early to talk about Christmas, but it is time to start shopping. At least it is time around here. That way, we don't have a credit card we have to pay off until June, just until April.

This year I want to give everybody a gag gift. My family used to do this every year. Some of them were funny. Some of them fell a bit flat.

One year I gave my husband a pair of plastic handcuffs. I will share a bit of the story behind these.

When he was younger, he locked some handcuffs on his ankle. The incident involved the fire department coming out to get them off.

I am making him post the whole story on his blog. After he posts it, I will let everybody know.

So the year I gave my husband plastic handcuffs, he put them on his wrists. They promptly got stuck! No more handcuffs for my hubby. They are just too tempting for him, I guess.
SJ now weighs thirty pounds! It's amazing how much heavier he seems lately. He is going to have to leave my hip. These last couple of pounds are the straw that broke the camel's back. I am starting to get a dowager's hump, due to bad posture, so I even resemble a camel.
J's high school open house was Thursday night. All her teachers are women this year. I embarrassed J when I pointed out to her that one of her teachers had incredibly huge jugs. What, was I not supposed to point out that particular elephant in the corner? That's okay. Embarrassing her is my job, after all.
I probably mentioned that I am going to can this weekend. I went to the library to get some canning cookbooks with good recipes. In the cookbook section, I found a SPAM cookbook. Really, who could resist? It is actually fascinating stuff.

For example, did you know that SPAM is considered a gourmet luxury in South Korea and is often presented as a gift, on a par with luxury chocolates and fine wine? In Guam, the average citizen consumes eight cans of SPAM per year. SPAM has numerous fan clubs.

The recipes didn't look as bad as I thought they would either, except for SPAM cheesecake. I don't think I'd even go there.

The book is called, "SPAM - The Cookbook." The author is Marguerite Patton. It's worth checking out if you like fun facts and trivia.
On the healthy food front, I tried one of Bearette's recipes. It had coconut rice and a curry peanut sauce with tofu and broccoli. I modified it a little bit because I wasn't going to waste that last bit of coconut milk. I added the extra coconut milk to the curry sauce. Other than that, I tried to stick to the recipe.

It was a really yummy recipe. Hubby (a strict meat man) enjoyed it as did J and myself. When I re-heated it for lunch this afternoon, SJ ate most of my bowl. This was an excellent dish.

Thank you Bearette!
Last but not least, is President Bush's latest dumb comment for the day! "Don't buy gas if you don't need it." Okay. I know I've been rushing out to buy it just for the joy of paying over three bucks a gallon! Please, oh please let us not usher another moron into the office next election time.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Exercise and Ice Cream

I want to mention Hurricane Katrina before I start my post. If you go to, you can contribute to the Red Cross. I'm sure there are many other web sites that offer this option also. Probably all of you are way ahead of me on this one anyway.
Yesterday I made it to the gym for the first time in forever. Hurray!

On the way to the gym, I passed a semi that was carrying Thrifty's brand ice cream. Thrifty's ice cream is pretty hard to find. It tastes really good too, especially the double chocolate malted crunch. Yummy

I think everybody has seen "The Fast and the Furious" where the "bad guys" in the race cars surround the semi, jump out of their car onto the semi and rob it.

I wanted to do this type of robbery using fellow mothers with mini vans. Do you really need a high-powered sports car to overtake a semi? Wouldn't a semi driver be less likely to run a vehicle off the road with a "baby on board" sign in the back?

My lady friends and I could split the ice cream among ourselves in our deep freezers. Perhaps some rock, paper, scissors would be in order for the popular flavors.

I told my husband about my semi-robbing scenario and he called it "The Fat and the Flabbiest." We could also call it "The Fat and the Furriest." I would only have to quit shaving my legs for about a week for that title. Someone in my family tree was literally swinging from the tree, I swear it.

Back to the gym. There is a ten o'clock class on Wednesdays called "Silver Cycle." It is a cycle class for seniors. I thought I would try it and just turn my tension high on the cycle. Plus I enjoy the company of seniors. They are full of some pretty good stories and wisdom if you only listen.

Unfortunately the instructor didn't show up. Neither did any seniors. Maybe seniors don't like cycle class, who knows?

My husband and I went to lunch after my work out. I should have worked out for three hours to earn that lunch! We had dim sum.

Dim Sum are Chinese appetizer style foods. I think the word dim sum literally translates to "heart's delight."

The dim sum restaurants serve pork buns which are bread buns with BBQ pork in the middle. There are big balls of shrimp meat deep fried. There's a whole array of different offeringgs. Siu Mai is my favorite. It is Chinese style dumplings packed with fish cake, shrimp, ground pork and chicken. Yummy.

SJ fell asleep in his car seat on the way to lunch. We took him inside, car seat and all, and let him sleep. It was a genuine adult lunch. We got to sit and eat and we didn't have to chase anybody around the restaurant.

My husband gets these frequently with his co-workers. I get an adults only lunch maybe once or twice a year, if that. Heaven.

SJ woke up after lunch and was grouchy. He was tired of being in his car seat. I purchased him a McDonald's ice cream cone for the ride home. It's much easier to clean a car seat than to hear a screaming toddler for twenty-five minutes.

That evening, I decided to mop the kitchen floor. This is J's job, supposedly. She is supposed to clean the kitchen, but the floors don't count in her world. So what if it's like walking across flypaper and your feet get black!

I couldn't find the dustpan. This is one of my pet peeves! Why can't anybody around here put the dustpan back with the broom when they are done with it? How much extra work is that? The brooms sit near the trash can. The dustpan has to be emptied into the trash can, right? Can't anybody sit it with the brooms when they are done? How hard is it?

I'm going to buy my own dust pan and hide it. When anybody asks for a dustpan, I'm telling them to use their damn tongue, because I'm not sharing!