Friday, June 30, 2006

They're Coming To Take Me Away - Ha Ha

Today the two youngest children and I went to Safeway. It has been remodeled recently. There is now a Starbucks inside and the store looks more upscale.

In order to keep SJ in the cart, I had bribed him with the promise of a soda to drink if he didn't try to escape. In the past, there has been a soda machine just inside the entrance. The cups were always next to it. It was easy to fill the cup, hand it to the little extortionist, and start shopping.

But now there is a deli counter and the cups are behind it. I had no idea that things had changed to that extent. Of course there was a line of people waiting to get sandwiches. In order to get a blasted cup, I had to wait in the line.

Did I mention we had to pick up my oldest from summer school in about 20 minutes?

I walked off to where the refrigerated sodas were only there were no refrigerated sodas anymore. WTH!

So back to the counter I went. Thankfully, the line hadn't gotten longer. I waited in line to buy two sodas which I wouldn't have bothered with except I had promised! I commented to the clerk that I had liked it better when the cups were at the machine.

"So did we," he said, "but too many people were walking out with the sodas."

I assumed I would have to pay for the soda there so he would be assured I wouldn't walk out. I pulled out my ATM card.

"Do you have shopping to do?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"You can pay for it when you check out," he said.

WHAT! Okay, so now I have to wait in a line to get my cup BUT I don't have to pay for it there. If I'm inclined to steal a soda, I am prevented how?

Don't you love pretzel logic?


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Welcome To My Life

Can anyone guess what this picture is?

I'll give you a few minutes......

Okay, times up.

It's my fakeass ficus tree - with peanut butter on it. Everyone knows that silk plants, while eschewing water, quite enjoy peanut butter.

In the background of the picture, that is my dining room table, stained with paint and crayons and marker and whatever else my little darlings can etch with.

And to think, someday I will miss those little handprints on the wall. Life is strange, isn't it?


This idea has been shamelessly stolen from Blackbird.

Dear Safeway Shopper,

I see that you decided to buy a different brand of English muffins than the kind you originally put in your cart.

I noticed this because the first package you grabbed was in the wrong spot with the other brand. I also observed that the package you left in the bread section was the brand of English muffins that are supposed to be refrigerated. Do you know how I knew they had to be refrigerated? It was written in big letters on the front.

Perhaps you noticed that you had grabbed them from the refrigerated section. I can't imagine why you would not have returned them there.

I gave the no longer cold English muffins to the clerk and explained where I found them.

Safeway loses money when idiots like you do things like this. Do you think they take the loss? That's what you get for thinking - something that seems beyond you anyway. They pass these kind of losses on in the form of higher prices to everybody, myself included, even YOU.

But if you are too lazy to put back your damn muffins you are probably too lazy to give a crap.

Sincerely irritated,

Dear pre-school director,

I fear you have listened to one too many choruses of "Puff the Magic Dragon".

Surely, you are unaware of the basic nature of children.

If you keep them inside all morning long and then give them lunch OUTSIDE during the last 45 minutes of pre-school, they are not going to eat their lunch. They are going to play.

For heavens sake, feed them inside fifteen minutes earlier, then let them out.

I am tired of picking my son up from school and finding the only thing missing from his carefully packed lunch is his juice box.

I will be glad when summer is over and the regular director is back.

Won't be missing you,

Dear angst-filled teen boy,

It was unfortunate that you were the person who checked me out at Casa De Fruta. You would not even look me in the eye or acknowledge my presence.

What's the matter? Did your zit cream quit working? Did you have to cancel a hot date? Has the reality finally hit that you have to work if you want to smoke pot?

If you had listened to the conversation I was having with my youngest daughter, you would have heard me telling her that I was not buying candy with a real scorpion inside for her because THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

You might have noticed that I unwittingly grabbed a scorpion lollipop. I would never pay four-dollars for a lollipop, let alone one with something crawly encased in it.

Shame on me for not paying closer attention to the packaging. Shame on you for giving customer service (which that was most assuredly not) a bad name.

Fearing For Our Country's Future,

Dear Dig-Me Man,

Your looks of disdain directed at my son did not escape me while I was chasing him around Trader Joe's. I shudder to imagine your face had he actually had a tantrum.

It was obvious that you were too sexy for your shirt and probably spend more hours gazing in your mirror than Snow White's step-mother.

If your patience is that short when you don't have to deal with the child yourself, then do us all a favor and ALWAYS wear a rubber.

The world is already filled with enough shitty parents.


Monday, June 26, 2006

Who Me?

Does the face in this picture look guilty?

It should. Miss Mandy let Boots have his way with her, unless this is a false pregnancy, which I am desperately hoping for. My husband is laughing derisively at my optimism.

Actually my face should be in the picture looking guilty. But then I would have to post a photo of myself. Yikes!

I am not sure when the conception occured. Maybe it happened before I knew she was in heat. Maybe it happened the time SJ let Boots in the yard with her and I was unaware. Boots DID come inside jumping up and down like he'd been in a Viagra commercial. Or maybe it happened when I thought she was out of receptive mode and I let them together like a BIG FAT IDIOT.

I was laughing because Mandy kept running away from Boots. Now I know that she wasn't running away. She was saying, "Let's hide around the corner so the grown-ups won't catch us humping."

Apparently the only difference between dogs and teen-agers is the gestation period.

Boots keeps sniffing at her. Either she smells different because she is pregnant or he's waiting for another chance to get her that way.

She is less than a year-old and shouldn't have been bred. I ordered a book on whelping. It covers all the many millions of things that can go wrong. Oy. It's fortunate the emergency vet is only five minutes away.

The book also listed signs the male dog gives out when the female was in heat. Not once did they mention the eyes bugging halfway out of the head look that Boots displayed the whole time. Bostons have bug eyes anyway, but he looked like his collar was about twelve sizes too tight.

So if we get puppies, and if they make it, I will post pics.

For now we only have one swiftly expanding female Boston and one male Boston who is waiting for the chance to play those Barry White tunes again.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

It's Said That a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Vacation, Time To Get Away

We stayed at Santa Cruz Ranch RV park this weekend. The RV park is in Scotts Valley, five miles away from Santa Cruz.

It had a pool, laundry room, hot tub and showers. Another bonus was that the park's base rate was for four people. Many of the parks set their base rate for two people and then charge more money for each extra person. That can get pricey fast with three kids.

The park was nice. Some of the people in the park seemed kind of dour, but I didn't go there to visit them anyway.

The little kids were surprised to see their grandparents there. My MIL wanted to join us and the park had one space left. The grandparents were in the space next to us.

I knew they were coming but also knew that my youngest daughter would drive me batty if she knew.

SJ was so excited that evening that I couldn't get him down to sleep. His grandfather got him asleep around twelve-thirty and his Dad brought him to bed.

About two hours later he woke up.

"All done. Grandma, Papa RV."

"No," I said, "They're night night. It's night night time."

This conversation went on for about AN HOUR before he went back to sleep.

Even so, he was up bright and early in the morning.

We got dressed and went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. It has roller coasters and other carnival rides.

Let me tell you, the freaks were out. There were many interesting individuals there, and me without a camera.

Before I start capping on people, I need to remind you all that I am overweight. So I feel like I can comment when somebody is overweight also. Gee, on that note, I can comment on ugly people too. Woo-hoo!

One lady looked like the Michelin Man. Her legs had lumpy rolls of fat all the way up. When you are two or younger and you have fat rolls, you are cute. Forty or older - not so cute! The clencher was that she had on short shorts with her butt cheeks hanging out. AAARRRGGGHHH - my eyes!

One guy had on a hat like Slash in the band Gun's N Roses. Only he had long blonde hair like Axl Rose. My husband called him "Slush." (not to his face, of course.)

There were tons of girls in bikinis with their bellies hanging over the top. I thought the point of wearing a bikini was to show off your smoking bod, not your snacking bod.

Does anybody remember when there was a controversial billboard promoting a health club? The billboard said, "When the aliens come, they'll eat the fat ones first."

Well they can just swing by Santa Cruz. We were all there.

I told my MIL and my husband that I knew what had happened to the lost continent of Atlantis. They were like Americans. They all got too heavy and sunk the continent. North America, you're next.

And then, in order to keep us fat, there were plenty of places selling food guaranteed to clog the arteries. There were fried twinkies, funnel cakes, hot dogs, burgers fries, ice cream and all sorts of things on sticks.

Do Americans have an obsession with food on sticks? Hey put it on a stick and deep fry it, and we'll eat it - guaranteed.

I can imagine the conversations people have.

"Look Earl, deep-fried Nutter Butters on a stick."

"Betty, you know peanuts put me into anaphylactic shock."

"But, Earl it's ON A STICK."

For the first four hours on the boardwalk, we catered to the kids.

Then the grandparents took the two younger kids back to the RV park and the hubby and I rode some stuff together. My oldest daughter and my niece rode with us.

We rode the roller coaster twice. We rode some contraption that took us up in the air and flipped us upside down and twirled us in circles. We rode a ride where you got to shoot at ghosts with laser pistols. Hey, no vacation is complete without shooting something.

We ate decadent foods. MMMMMMMMM.

I got to see two different pictures of myself on the roller coaster. They had a camera set up to snap your photo at a certain spot. Why does everybody but me look normal in those? I am the only person who ends up looking like Quasimodo on ecstasy every single time!

We finally left the park and drove back to our camper.

In the car in front of us, was a skinny white boy who thought he was a gangster. He was bouncing up and down to music and waving his arm out the window making strange finger gestures. It was clearly one of the dumbest things I have ever seen.

My husband, my daughter, my niece and I were all rolling with laughter. The "gangster" saw us and gave us a pissed off look. We laughed harder. Fortunately, he didn't bust a cap in our asses.

There were a few parts of the vacation that didn't go smoothly. The brakes on the RV leaked some fluid and they need to be fixed.

The transmission on my van started acting up AGAIN. I had it fixed Monday and it was covered under the warranty. Phew.

When we were getting ready to leave town, my oldest daughter told me she didn't have any extended feeders left for her goldfish. This is the fish that lives in her bedroom that she is responsible for. Never mind that I had already gone to Petsmart earlier. Back I trekked.

The traffic was horrid.

But all vacations have their blips. By and large, it wasn't a bad one. I even lost half a pound. Only a thousand more to go. Hee hee.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

So Much To Do - So Little Time

This house looks like somebody pulled off the roof and tipped a dump truck full of junk on my floor.

On the floor is (clean) diapers, shoes, towels, toys, potatoes, lemons, cat food, dog food, water bottles, beach buckets, my exercise ball, a push broom, a beach umbrella, an empty box or twelve, stuffed animals, baby wipes - you name it - it's on my floor IN EVERY ROOM OF THE HOUSE.

So blogging will be brief to non-existent this week until I can get this house clean enough to actually think!

We went to Santa Cruz, CA this weekend. Not only is there a beach, there is a boardwalk with rides.

I went to their website before we left and found out we could pre-purchase all day tickets at Costco for a substantial discount.

So on the way out of town, my husband pumped gas while I ran in. Costco is hard to escape when you are in a hurry. There is no express lane and people tend to block your way at every turn.

I found the tickets and then realized I had forgotten to pack diapers and wipes. I went to the diaper section to buy the smallest box I could. Ha ha. Nothing at Costco is small. But I purchased a box of the Kirkland brand diapers for thirty bucks. It contained one-hundred and forty diapers so it was quite a deal. I also purchased a butt load of wipes.

Then I tried to hurry to the checkout only nobody would move the heck out of the way so I could even get through the store.

Two women that were shopping together seemed to be under the impression we were on the ark because they were walking down the aisle two by two. It's great when you can go shopping with your friend, but hey, COULD YOU MOVE THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!?

I think I'm going to invent bicycle horns that clip to your shopping cart. Then you can ring them when you're coming up behind somebody. That would go over well, right?

My checkout total seemed awfully high so I checked my receipt before I left the store. Sure enough, I had been charged an extra eighty dollars. Ouch! I'm glad I found out before I left the store.

Finally, I met my husband in the parking lot and the road trip began. And now I have to get my son ready for pre-school, tidy the house and get my van out of the garage.

Happy Tuesday.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Clearing the Air

I think I accidentally stole someone else's "L" word.

Ms. L. said she calls her cat Licks a Lot. She probably blogged it and I read it. Then I forgot about it and later, I thought I came up with an original idea.

See how I am.

My apologies to Ms. L.

I have two more "L" things though.

"Liquor Store" - I used to take the kids to the liquor store to get candy. It is called the "XYZ" liquor store. One day, in front of some other Mom's, "A" asked, "Mom, can we go to the liquor store?" It was one of my proudest moments.

The other "L" is:

"Leaving Town" - I need to get my butt in gear and finish getting ready for this. I hope each and every one of you has a "Lovely" weekend.


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Warning-Rant Ahead

Sometimes I feel like my children are ganging up on me. It's bad enough when one of them is in a mood but all three of them are on my last nerve today. GRRRRRRRR!

The two older ones have been rude and screechy. The youngest has been screechy and clinging to me like a booger with super glue on it.

My husband is visiting friends so I can't sneak out and take a walk.

Once again, with feeeling - GRRRRRRRRR!
We are going to the beach this weekend. That is good.

I need to sit down tomorrow and plan out what to put in the RV.

I also need to mix up all my gluten-free flour mixes and take my cookbooks with me.

When did vacation get to be so much work?
I was thinking about friendship today, in particular the high school kind.

I remember that friend in high school who I could talk endlessly with, who I was always glad to see and who made me laugh so hard the walls shook.

Does that kind of friendship go away after high school? Or are those friendships impossible to maintain once you get married and busy with life?
Klutzo Carolyn struck again tonight.

I was trying to make some mexican rice and I knew I had an onion in the fridge.

Well I looked and looked and looked some more. I couldn't find that bleeping onion. I moved a package of hamburger aside. The hamburger bumped into the new plastic container of salsa I just purchashed TODAY.

The salsa fell to the floor and splattered everywhere. The container broke in half so there was nothing to salvage. I then had to clean boatloads of salsa off the floor.

By the time I was done, I had to get "A" from Taekwondo so I didn't get to make the rice.

I got home and looked for something else in the fridge and there was that damn onion!

Once again with feeling - GRRRRRRRR!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Today's Blog Entry Sponsored By The Letter "L"

When I sat down this morning to blog, BS was down, as usual. At least it seems like that's the way it is lately.

I may have to find a new, free blog provider, one that's up at least ninety percent of the time.

So I lost my chance to blog. Then my husband got out of bed. He called in sick to work and then proceeded to work from home.

About the time I was ready to leap across the house and tear his jugular out with my teeth, he gave up the computer.

Here I am. I need to visit ALL your blogs. Now if SJ would quit trying to climb into my lap...

And Old Hoss, I added Outside In. If you reccomended it, that means it is a fine blog indeed.
Beadinggalinms assigned me the letter "L". I'm not sure of the rules. Can I only put a certain amount of "L" words? I'll just play it by ear.


Lollipop - When I was a kid, I wanted one of those lollipops that was almost as big as my head. My parents let me buy one at Disneyland. Yay - I finally had one in my hot little hands. It tasted like crap and it was way too big to finsh. (And who would have wanted to finish it since it tasted like crap?)

Licorice - My husband loves black licorice. I loathe it. Does anybody ever have an indifferent feeling towards black licorice? I think most people either love it or despise it. There is no middle ground.

Licks a Lot - Wouldn't that be a cool name for a cat? Sir Licks a Lot?

Little Bit of This - There's a song with this lyric that my daughter has in her MP3 files. Most of the lyrics are not printable. I was feeling appalled until I thought about the fact that my Mom felt the same way about "Super Freak" by Rick James. It is every parent's job to be shocked at the suggestive lyrics in their children's music.

Lake - My aunt and uncle in Maine have a cabin on the lake. It's beautiful and so relaxing. They live there in the summer. I would love a cabin on the lake.

Loons - There are lots of these in the lake where the cabin is. You can hear them at night.

Lurkers - Do I have lurkers? I don't know because I am low tech. Lurkers reveal yourselves!

Love - I love my family but don't always show it in the way they would like. I wish I were a more demonstrative person.

Lucky - I am so lucky to live somewhere that I can speak my mind. I am also lucky to have all my needs and some of my wants met. Not everybody in the world is.

Lumps - What I don't want in my oatmeal and what I see when I sit down.

Lariat - When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a cowgirl.

Lilacs - My very favorite flower. My grandmother used to have a huge lilac bush. My cousin and I had a corridor in the middle of it that we walked through.

Late - I am very rarely late and freak out when I am.

Lordy Loo - An expression of frustration I frequently use.

That's my "L" list. If anybody wants a letter assigned to them, let me know.

Now I get to go read your stuff. Yay!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I Added Four More

I added four more blogs to my listing.

If there is anybody that I have forgotten, let me know!

Friday, June 09, 2006

I Had a Title In Mind - But I Forgot

Tomorrow my six-year old has taekwondo at nine.

We are then supposed to take her to the local swimming park.

I need to take her to buy a birthday present for a birthday that is at 3:30. That is about three more things than I care to do on a Saturday.

The library is also having the buck a bag book sale. I would love to squeeze that in.

I almost forgot about the birthday party. My daughter reminded me on Wednesday. I RSVP'd that night.

By today, I had forgotten about it again. Seeing the mother of the boy who was having the birthday reminded me. Duh.

That would be the fourth birthday I have forgotten in the last month.

My friend's daughter had a birthday. I planned on RSVP'ing just to say "no" and forgot.

I missed MY GRANDMA'S birthday.

I forgot my FIL's birthday.

I am suffering from an extreme case of CRS.

My house is a mess. I haven't been blogging as much as usual. I never finish anything I start.

I do have an excuse for not finishing the bathroom. A family member who shall remain nameless, had to poop partway through. This family member ALWAYS has to poop halfway through my bathroom cleaning. In fact if this person ever suffered from constipation, I would need only to start cleaning the bathroom for the poo to flow.

But where was I?

I am extremely irritable and forgetful and disorganized.

Something's wrong. Maybe I could put my finger on it if I could just FOCUS!

Anyhow, I am going to go sit on the couch with my girl child and rest. Perhaps a small bit of R&R is in order.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Is It Really Working?

Wow, blogger is up!

I have been visiting all of your blogs when blogger would let me, but commenting was not possible.

So know that I have been bi, um by.
I have a nagging little headache. The only cure for this headache is caffeine.

Maybe if the coffee in the store had had the word "decaffeinated" written a little more prominently on the package, I wouldn't have been screwed this morning.

It was written in an unobtrusive spot, barely visible.

When the coffee doesn't have caffeine, it should be written on the front in HUGE letters like a "beware of the dog" sign.

Maybe there should even be a big red circle with a slash through the word "caffeine."

And if by chance, I still grabbed a bag, I want alarms to go off. "Bwoop, bwoop, bwoop!"

Lights would flash. A policeman would run into the aisle.

"Maam, do you realize you were grabbing decaf coffee?"

"No, I didn't realize. It was an accident, AN ACCIDENT I SAY!"

"Well, Maam, we can let you off with a warning this time, but next time pay attention to the package, okay."

"Thank you officer. Thank you for saving me from a terrible mistake."

And off topic here, but the word "maam" I abhor. It only reminds me that I used to be called "miss". Maam means you're effin' old.

I ran out of time today, but tomorrow, I'm buying some real coffee.
My husband is getting skillfill at injecting himself with B12.

This is good because I was supposed to help him, but I wimped out. It was pretty bad when it was time for the first injection.

Both of us were trying to get up our courage. He finally screwed up his. Thank goodness, as the idea of poking somebody with a needle made me faintly nauseated.

He said B12 injections give him an energy rush.

No fair. I want some.

But only if it doesn't involve a needle. LOL

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Has anyone ever noticed that Blog Spot and Bull Sh#@ have the same initials.


I think not.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Open Mouth - Insert Foot

SJ was off pre-school for a week. He started back today. The schedule is different for the summer session. It is 9:30 to 12:00 and it is special-ed kids only.

As he and I were leaving, something he didn't want to do, one of the mothers had her little girl close the gate.

She said to her daughter, "You don't want to let any other kids out."

I said jokingly, "Yes, we'd better keep the inmates in the asylum."

She gave me a funny look and only then did it occur to me that I had called our special-needs children asylum inmates.

Because I'm all smooth and swift, that's me.
I have been looking forward to my morning walk without stroller for some time now. As soon as I dropped SJ at school, I was going to take my walk.

Only my oldest daughter wanted to be at the movie theater by ten. I lost about half an hour of walking time.

As soon as I got home, I headed out. Our neighbor was having yard work done.

The lady who was doing the yard work said, "You have lots of weeds, huh?"

I think she was trying to drum up business.

I said, "Yes, I do and they are even growing out of the rain gutters."

Then I continued walking around the block.

When I got back near my house, I decided to go a different way with more hills only I saw Eli. He is a man who walks around the neighborhood constantly and talks the ear off anybody who is unfortunate enough to get waylaid by him.

He didn't spot me so I ducked off toward my house. I was planning on taking a circuitous route around him. But the yard lady was still there and I didn't want to hear an offer to do my weeds.

So I sighed and headed up my drive.

Tomorrow I'm going to walk in somebody else's neighborhood.
After SJ was done with school, we went to the Stride Rite Outlet. His feet have gone from 9 1/2 to 10. I noticed he was stumbling more than usual.

I'm not sure about everybody else's special-needs kids, but my guy stumbles a lot.

He ran around the store like he had been mainlining sugar while I made my selections. I found him fire truck shoes and sandals. And I purchased a pair of tennis shoes for my seven-year old. Her feet have sprouted too.

I pay more for their shoes than I do for mine. Their sizes are hard to find. They both wear wides.

So do I, but since my feet are done growing, I hope, I can make a pair of shoes last until they are falling off my hooves.

After the shoe store I went to the housewares store and purchased a popcorn popper, the air kind, for fifteen bucks.

Then I went hunting for a sports bra. SJ was being a turd the whole time in every store but the shopkeepers were nice about it.

A few moms raised their brows but I have become mostly immune to it. My son is spirited and happy and rambunctious. Sorry ladies. As long as I am not letting him damage any of the store merchandise, we're okay.

I took him in the room while I tried on the sports bra. It fits kind of high, right about where my boobs are supposed to be. I jumped up and down and they still bounced. I jumped up and down with only my regular bra on and they bounced twice as high.

So I will be exercising wearing my regular bra with my sports bra on top and there will still be bouncing. That too is okay. Boobs bounce, that's life, right?
Stalker Stacey called once last night and twice today. I just talked to her for half an hour Sunday.

Yet she calls and calls and calls.

Boobs will bounce, my kids will be turds, and Stalker Stacey, God bless her, will continue to fill up my phone machine with messages.

Life is grand, isn't it?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Date Night

My hubby and I went on a date Saturday night.

SJ was having a tantrum for the sitter when we left so I'm sure she was wishing to be anywhere but here.

He cheered up about ten minutes after we left.

We ate at Chevy's Mexican restaurant. My husband said their chips were perfect and their salsa was good without being hot. (He has stomach issues.)

A lady threw the chips at us and ran off. She wasn't horribly polite and she looked flustered. I was afraid she was going to be our waitress.

My fears were for naught. We had a waiter instead and he was great.

The chips were as wonderful as promised. They had been perfectly salted.

The salsa tasted like fresh tomatoes. Mmmmmm.

We ordered jumbo watermelon margaritas. They were about twice the size of a normal margarita. By the time I finished mine, I was pretty buzzed. So I went ahead and ordered another.

The meal wasn't bad. I wanted to try one of their vegetarian options but they were all heavily dependent on cheese sauce for flavor.

So I had chicken tacos. They were quite spicy. I valiantly managed to eat one but that was my limit.

By the time we left, I was staggering slightly.

Then we went to the local Indian store. My husband's friend, Sri, told us they had rice flour and Medimix, a soap we like.

They not only had rice flour, they had sorghum flour, corn flour and garbanzo bean flour. They were all substantially cheaper than I had been paying at the grocery store.

I purchased five bags of flour, ten bars of Medimix, one bar of sandalwood soap and a soap called Neem that my husband wants to try.

I was so excited and exclaiming so much about the price of the flours, the lady behind the counter must have thought I was daft.

For anybody interested in the price difference go here. (That's my gluten-free blog.)

I highly reccomend going to the local Indian store if you have one.

After the store, we decided to get ice cream. It had to be soft serve.

I had tried so hard to avoid dairy, but ice cream sounded great.

We got chocolate dip tops and ate them sitting in the car. (I didn't want to sit inside the ice cream place - too noisy.)

We got home at 9:30. I gave a bar of soap to the babysitter because she like the way it smelled. I would have liked to tip her but I don't know if we can tip her, since she works for the respite providers. I need to ask. This should have occured to me sooner.

We have been without a sitter for so long, we have become barbarians.

It was a good date. But SJ was up so late after we got home that I desperately need some sleep. I am crabby like a Louie salad.

It is time to lay my head on my pillow.


Saturday, June 03, 2006

Going Out

Me getting ready to go out on a date:

Hit the floor running Saturday morning
Load and run dishwasher
Feed kids breakfast
Get showered and do hair
Bath youngest daughter and get her dressed
Take her to the doctor for an albuterol prescription (asthma)
Go to the grocery store so there will be something for the sitter to eat
Go home
Feed kids lunch
Talk to MIL on phone while cleaning
Get off phone
Drive to drugstore to drop off prescriptions
Run back into grocery store for forgotten items
Come home
Clean and clean some more
Bathe son
Get him down for nap
Fold and put up laundry
Unload and reload dishwasher
Pick up kids toys off floors
Start dinner
Clean off table
Deal with son who just woke up
Tell "A" to finish cleaning her room
Steal a four minute freshen up shower
Re-curl hair
Put on make-up
Answer door
Fix plate for kids and babysitter
Head out door accompanied by SJ's shrieks

Husband getting ready for night out: (fifteen minutes before it is time to go.)

"So what did you lay out for me to wear?"


He is so severely anemic right now he has to have B12 injections so please don't think he is an ass. (even though that is where he has to put the injections)

Still I think this is how most married couples do get ready for a date. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Sweep some more

Friday, June 02, 2006

I Don't Think Cookie Monster Was an Option

You Are Oscar the Grouch

Grumpy and grouchy, you aren't just pessimistic. You revel in your pessimism.

You are usually feeling: Unhappy. Unless it's rainy outside, and even then you know the foul weather won't last.

You are famous for: Being mean yet loveable. And you hate the loveable part.

How you life your life: As a slob. But it's not repelling as many people as you'd like!

Hmmm. I can see a resemblance.

Friday Friday Friday Friday - Woo Hoo

Can you tell I'm glad it's Friday?

My oldest daughter is out of school and out of town this week.

My son had no pre-school this week.

I have only had one kid to drive back and forth to school.

This was a relaxing week, in theory.

Somehow they never turn out that way.

But husband and I have a date for FOUR whole hours. I'm thinking dinner and a movie. Hopefully there's some good movies out right now. I heard "Over The Hedge" was great, but I'm not sure I can talk my husband into it. Suggestions please!
My son has waited forever for an appointment with a behavioral therapist. We finally made one weeks ago for June 1st at 6:00 p.m.

My daughter's school had open house this week on June 1st at 6:00 p.m.

My husband was unsure of his schedule and I can't clone myself so the appointment was cancelled.

I am going to look for a new therapist who isn't taking vacation constantly so we can get him in.

And there were some questions regarding the clay bath. I finally called the company and asked the lady on the phone about a galvanized tub. She asked if it was a new one and I said no. She said since the coating was probably worn off it was okay, but a normal bathtub is best. The harder the material the clay is in, the less likely the clay is to draw into the material than into your body.

So old galvanized tub is okay. She said hard plastic, like a kid's pool or foot bath, was okay too, but not optimal.
Meryl Streep was interviewed recently in Parade. The article was titled "Actress Meryl Streep reveals...My Secret For Happiness."

Wouldn't that be her big fat bank account?
When we were at Tahoe, I was looking through the motel room book promoting local businesses.

There was a hair salon ad with two young women in it. They both had stylish hair and incredibly huge trout pout. (overdone collagen lips.)

And the looks on their faces made it abundantly clear that they must be a FULL service salon. I wonder if the girls working in the salon really look like that.

Maybe eager men show up and the hairdressers resemble the landlady in "Kingpin."
There is another "style" besides trout pout that confuses me.

Last week I was up at two a.m. courtesy of SJ.

There was a band on TV and one of the men in it was wearing a hair net AND all white clothes.

Is this the cafeteria lunch lady look? Are cafeteria ladies hot? Did I miss something?

Anyway he looked stupid to me. Ooh, baby let me run my fingers through your HAIR NET. Somebody hold me back.