Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Open Mouth - Insert Foot

SJ was off pre-school for a week. He started back today. The schedule is different for the summer session. It is 9:30 to 12:00 and it is special-ed kids only.

As he and I were leaving, something he didn't want to do, one of the mothers had her little girl close the gate.

She said to her daughter, "You don't want to let any other kids out."

I said jokingly, "Yes, we'd better keep the inmates in the asylum."

She gave me a funny look and only then did it occur to me that I had called our special-needs children asylum inmates.

Because I'm all smooth and swift, that's me.
I have been looking forward to my morning walk without stroller for some time now. As soon as I dropped SJ at school, I was going to take my walk.

Only my oldest daughter wanted to be at the movie theater by ten. I lost about half an hour of walking time.

As soon as I got home, I headed out. Our neighbor was having yard work done.

The lady who was doing the yard work said, "You have lots of weeds, huh?"

I think she was trying to drum up business.

I said, "Yes, I do and they are even growing out of the rain gutters."

Then I continued walking around the block.

When I got back near my house, I decided to go a different way with more hills only I saw Eli. He is a man who walks around the neighborhood constantly and talks the ear off anybody who is unfortunate enough to get waylaid by him.

He didn't spot me so I ducked off toward my house. I was planning on taking a circuitous route around him. But the yard lady was still there and I didn't want to hear an offer to do my weeds.

So I sighed and headed up my drive.

Tomorrow I'm going to walk in somebody else's neighborhood.
After SJ was done with school, we went to the Stride Rite Outlet. His feet have gone from 9 1/2 to 10. I noticed he was stumbling more than usual.

I'm not sure about everybody else's special-needs kids, but my guy stumbles a lot.

He ran around the store like he had been mainlining sugar while I made my selections. I found him fire truck shoes and sandals. And I purchased a pair of tennis shoes for my seven-year old. Her feet have sprouted too.

I pay more for their shoes than I do for mine. Their sizes are hard to find. They both wear wides.

So do I, but since my feet are done growing, I hope, I can make a pair of shoes last until they are falling off my hooves.

After the shoe store I went to the housewares store and purchased a popcorn popper, the air kind, for fifteen bucks.

Then I went hunting for a sports bra. SJ was being a turd the whole time in every store but the shopkeepers were nice about it.

A few moms raised their brows but I have become mostly immune to it. My son is spirited and happy and rambunctious. Sorry ladies. As long as I am not letting him damage any of the store merchandise, we're okay.

I took him in the room while I tried on the sports bra. It fits kind of high, right about where my boobs are supposed to be. I jumped up and down and they still bounced. I jumped up and down with only my regular bra on and they bounced twice as high.

So I will be exercising wearing my regular bra with my sports bra on top and there will still be bouncing. That too is okay. Boobs bounce, that's life, right?
Stalker Stacey called once last night and twice today. I just talked to her for half an hour Sunday.

Yet she calls and calls and calls.

Boobs will bounce, my kids will be turds, and Stalker Stacey, God bless her, will continue to fill up my phone machine with messages.

Life is grand, isn't it?


Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I think all mom bounce extra high just to snag that little last drop of dignity we might have. My kids are turds too, God love them. Mine aren't special needs and I still get dirty looks everywhere I go because they are super turds. There is just no excuse for them.
And hey, if that lady can't joke a little bit (especially since you are in the same boat) then life really sucks for her. I enjoyyour humor. Stick your foot in anytime!

4:31 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

I have hobbit-y feet. They are wide and I hate them. I haven't found one pair of sandals that will corral my whole foot. Either my pinky toe hangs off or just the whole outside of my foot hangs off. I am discouraged of ever finding shoes this year:(

5:06 PM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

ooohhh noooo,haahaaa,don't feel too bad.
I once called Jig a Little Cripple (she had to wear a boot and bar brace for awhile) when I was walking and talking to a lady who's child had a major physical disability.*groan*!
I feel the same way too,I enjoy your humour.*I'd* have probably laughed out loud if I was there;p

Ok,see now I know we're sisters because I thought I was the only one who wore a regular bra under the sports bra,lol

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Crazedmomof4 said...

I always put my foot in my mouth, & then when I realize what I did, do I stop? Nope! I try to say I'm sorry & what I really mean & I keep saying the wrong thing.

Women are suppose to bounce. I'm sure your hubby will agree.:D

My kids are all horrid creatures in the store. I try to sale them but get no takers. But people will stare. It's in their nature & if they were ever a mom, they have been in the same spot. They just are ignorant & forget. It's easier to judge someone else then to look at one's self.
If I see a Mom having a hard time, I usually smile & make a joke about my kids being monsters too!

7:17 PM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

Howdy - I am just so dam impressed that you are hoofing around your hood! You GO Girl, bouncing and all! And if Mr. JabberJaws tries to waylay you, get on your cell phone and pretend you have a call. Use Props. Too bad you can't do this with the Stalker. I had a Stalker Neighbor. A nutcase. They moved this past weekend and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Anyway, it got to the point that I said "Oh, I really have to go! Sorry!" every time she rang the bell or called.
It made her more frantic for a while, but she finally transferred her need to someone else.
But I'm not nice; you are.
I'm sure your little one isn't as naughty as you think. 3 yo's are active and curious. And impatient. Sounds like he'd had a pretty big day.
Hey! We got the garden in - can you believe it! I'll post pictures. Eventually.

9:48 PM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

Once I wore a t-shirt to school (my daughter's special needs school) that read:

"Face it. Crazy people are Hot".

And I didn't understand why I got so many weird looks, until I got in the car. I pulled a Homer "Duh!!" immediately.

My daughter is always stumbling, tripping, falling, losing her balance, motor skills aren't very sharp, I must say. But then again, I'm a 'normal' person and my motor skills are equally sharp.


You deserve my deepest admiration. I would neva neva run around my hood. I would have to avoid the 'plant lady' who hides under the bushes to spy and then prounces at u like a lion in the Savanah...I would also have to be on the look out for crazy smoking cigar neighbor who will stop to talk to u and slowly undress u with his looks and he blows cigar smoke in ur face...

U totally rock.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I love the Stalker Stacey stories. :)

I was so glad when they started selling sports bras in real bra sizes. Those are the only ones that work for me. Be gone, one-size-fits-"all" shelf versions!

9:53 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

EEK...I always wear a regular bra under my sports bra!! Thas life with big boobs isn't it??? LOL I love the things you write about....so many things so many of us can relate to...well I know i can. You are a breath of fresh air in the online world! :)

5:44 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

two sports bras actually works better.

wear your earphones and smile politely and keep going.

i personally think you are hiilarious, and that comment especially.

also, i've had good luck with famous footwear for the kids, too. just fyi.

6:35 AM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

When you happen to meet a fat, boring, lazy guy, set Stalker up with a blind date.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Kristin - I think my son would be a turd even if he didn't have special needs. He takes after his Dad.

P.J. - Are your feet hairy too? LOL

Ms. L. - Techie reccomended the double bra thing to me.

Crazed - I've done that before - dug my hole bigger that is.

Vickee - I can't wait to see the pics.

Mary - I am so clumsy that one of my aunts always made fun of me as a kid.

Liz - Yes, yay for a fitted sports bra. I'm glad you enjoy Stalker Stacey.

Chelle - Thanks. You make me blush.

Babelbabe - I'm glad you think I'm funny.

Nobody - He would have to be fat, lazy and blind.

8:04 PM  

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