Dear Crabby

This morning I was reading the newspaper and thinking, a dangerous pasttime I know.

I was reading Dear Abby and began wondering what it would be like if she had really vicious PMS once a month. Instead of her boring politically correct answers, she could fire up on some of those advice seeking souls.

For an example, I am going to type up one of the questions fron today's paper and give an example of what "Dear Crabby" could say.


Dear Crabby:
What can I do about a family member who corrects my grammar and pronunciation, interrupting what I am saying?
I am well-educated and pronounce things well - most of the time. An example: I was saying, "So, she said she was the liaison to..." and this person will say, "Is that how you say that?"

I will say, "I thought so," and the person will respond, "Well, it's French, you know, so I would think it is pronounced..."and on and on. And, of course the original conversation is lost.

I have tried everything. I have asked her to stop, and she promises but does not. I have tried ignoring the interruption and talking over her, but that is rude, and then she acts hurt.

I have tried stopping the conversation and not continuing afterward, but she doesn't notice. It seems not to have occurred to her that others in the room might actually want to hear what I was going to say.

I think she would stop if she could, and she isn't trying to be mean. Have you any suggestions? Because this certainly is frustrating.

Pamela In Tampa, Florida

Dear Pamela,

You say she isn't trying to be rude or mean, but I beg to digress. You say she would stop if she could. No she wouldn't. She doesn't want to stop. She sounds a bit passive-agressive to me. You must fight fire with fire.

Here's what you do. Buy a micro cassette recorder. Record the sound of sirens on it. Keep it in your pocket.

Next time you are talking and the beeyatch interrupts, turn on the recording of sirens and yell loudly. "Watch out everybody, it's the grammar police!" Laugh hysterically, like you are joking with her. Hey, it's all in fun!

Follow her around at all family functions with the recording in hand. Every time she interrupts somebody, play the sirens again. Continue to laugh, you big kidder, you. You will be doing everyone a favor. The rest of your family will be so grateful they will want their own siren recordings.

If she acts offended, say, "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to quit interrupting, and I thought you would get a kick out of me reminding you this way. Don't you think it's a riot?" Act like you have the hide and sensitivity of a rhino JUST LIKE SHE HAS BEEN DOING.

Maybe if you're really lucky, she'll quit showing up at family functions altogether. Good luck.
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See how easy that is. I should be an advice columnist, huh?