Dog Blog

Hello, it's me the dog. Carolyn is vegged out in front of some stupid TV show and oblivious to her surroundings. I know that she is super busy tomorrow so I can have a chance to tell my side of the story before she even figures out that I posted.

She might think I'm dumb, but I have been watching her every move. I see where she surfs. I know her passwords. Soon, so soon, I will order that squeaky toy I've been admiring at petsmart.com using her credit card.

So I posted my picture. Handsome devil, aren't I? The black thing in the floor next to me is a hair scrunchy. I know what you were thinking it was - I know! And I tell you, I would NEVER do that in the house.

I noticed today that she posted that I wasn't happy to see her when she picked me up. Why should I be? She lured me into the car for a ride. Did I mention I love rides? Did we go somewhere exciting? No! She left me in this place with all these common outdoor dogs for a whole weekend! Why should I be nice when I see her? She was off having fun while I watched stupid Rover in the cage next to me barking at his own tail. Why can't I go with them when they have fun. I love riding shotgun. THEY KNOW I LOVE RIDING SHOTGUN! I should have peed on her instead of the bush.

She also just had to mention that I eat poop. So what! It's better than that "Science Diet" they give me. Would you eat something called "Science Diet." It's probably made from genetically engineered cows with seven eyes! Meanwhile they dine on hamburgers from two-eyed cows. I smell what they're eating and it's not in my bowl.

She also had to complain that I pass gas. Did she tell you that I get kicked out of the room when I do it? The gall. None of the humans get kicked out of the room when they pass gas. Some of them voluntarily evacuate, but not me! I stay there and I smell the gas - that's right. I smell it! I take one for the team.

I bust my hump around here what with protecting the kids from the water hose and patrolling the perimeter. And this is the thanks I get. Next time she blogs about me, DON'T BELIEVE IT! I'm the big cheese around here not her.

By the way, what kind of dumb name is Boots? Aaaaargh!