The Health Club

Yesterday, SJ and I actually left the house and went to the health club. That is the only way to get exercise, because somebody else watches him.

My very favorite thing at the health club is cycling class. This is because the instructor pushes me much harder than I will ever push my lazy- ass self. Also, I don't have to face the perils of sharing the road with maniac automobile drivers on an actual bicycle.

Cycle class starts at twelve sharp. I started waiting at eleven-fifty for the instructor to show up. He still hadn't showed up at eleven fifty-nine and I was getting nervous. This meant I would have to fume impotently and complain to my husband.

While waiting, I got the chance to do some people watching - always fun. One man reminded me of a banty rooster. If you've ever seen one, you know what I mean. They look like miniature roosters. To make up for their lack of size, they ruffle their feathers a lot and crow twice as often. He was in good shape for a height-impaired gentleman, but one of my thighs was still wider than his chest. He sure strutted a lot though.

Most of the people in the gym at noon are average people like me. Lots of housewives who can't keep out of the fridge show up. ( I count myslelf in their ranks.) I think most of the beautiful people are at work, saving up money for wrinkle creams and Calvin Klein thong underwear.

Finally, the instructor showed up. It was the one I didn't like, because he hadn't recognized me after two months. Maybe I should just get over it.

I went in class. Somebody in there smelled like they had been exercising for about two hours - minus deodorant. It smelled like man sweat, but I think it belonged to the very scary woman sitting in front of me. Think of Big Ethel in the Archie comics, but with muscles. Who am I to judge though? Her cholesterol level is probably half mine. Besides, I knew by the end of class we would all smell that bad.

Warm-up started. I had already been on the elliptical machine for ten minutes waiting for class to start, so I was warmed up. The warm up song preceded the "start working your ass off song." My body was slowly waking up and not liking it, but I was damned if I was going to be the fat lady who couldn't keep up in cycle class.

I was sweating away and the instructor said to add some tension on. Like the idiot that I am, I did. My chest was hurting and I was sweating in areas I didn't know could sweat. It felt like I was pedaling through quicksand. Soon I was going to be the fat lady who dropped dead in cycle class.

After forty-five minutes, class was over. Hurray! I staggered my sweaty butt out of there and headed for home. I was so glad that all I had to do was pick up A and my day was over.

But wait...I forgot about taekwondo. Some days are just like that, I guess.

Don't you hate when you think you're done for the day and then you remember there's more crap that you've got to do?