Myrtle the Turtle
Myrtle the Turtle started the downfall of my Wednesday evening. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Last night, after A's taekwondo, I had to drive J to a high school audition for "Anne Frank." I could wait at the school for twenty minutes chasing SJ around or I could drive home only to turn right back around. I chose driving home. It was the lesser of two evils, I thought.
To get on the highway going home, a one lane road splits into two and you need to go into the right lane. The right lane opened - I got in - started foward - then THERE SHE WAS. She was dithering as to which lane to get in. Her hair was short and permed and probably dyed unnaturally dark. She was yakking at her gray-haired friend next to her and it was obvious that she didn't know how the heck to drive. She finally picked the right lane after taking up the middle for a few seconds while trying to make up her mind. Not a good sign, I figured.
Then she did it, the merge I hate and complain about. She did the 35MPH merge into the 65MPH traffic, blathering to her friend the whole time. She merged fine as there was a hole in the traffic.
However, I couldn't get my speed up and the car in the right lane seemed intent on running me off the road. I sped up and they sped up to show they weren't letting me in. I slowed down to let them by me and they just kept coming at a rate of speed where I had to literally get on the shoulder to let them by. Then the person behind them tried to keep me from getting on. It was KILL THE LADY IN THE MIIVAN night.
I know that when I merge, the people on the highway have the right of way. I will squeeze in whatever pitiful hole they choose to give me. But at least GIVE ME A HOLE!
I stayed in the right lane. My exit was only a mile away and I didn't want to be anywhere near Myrtle again. Unfortunately everyone in the right lane that was in front of me soon moved. Why? I'll tell you why! It was because Myrtle was going 55MPH, still blathering to her friend, with her right signal on!
I prayed that she would not take my exit. God wasn't answering. He probably figured saving my life during the merge was enough for one night.
She took my exit and then stayed in the middle of the lane AGAIN! Was she going right? Was she going left? Did she even know?
I laid on my horn. Steam was coming out my ears. I was so mad my chest hurt. She picked right, but I could tell she didn't even hear my horn. She was still BLATHERING.
It was the first time I have ever had the urge to follow somebody and take away their keys!
She probably has a perfect driving record. This is because everyone behind her on the road is crashing while she blathers OBLIVIOUSLY. (Did I use the word blather enough?)
I think I filled the air around me with negative energy, because the rest of my evening went quite badly. That will be my next story.
Last night, after A's taekwondo, I had to drive J to a high school audition for "Anne Frank." I could wait at the school for twenty minutes chasing SJ around or I could drive home only to turn right back around. I chose driving home. It was the lesser of two evils, I thought.
To get on the highway going home, a one lane road splits into two and you need to go into the right lane. The right lane opened - I got in - started foward - then THERE SHE WAS. She was dithering as to which lane to get in. Her hair was short and permed and probably dyed unnaturally dark. She was yakking at her gray-haired friend next to her and it was obvious that she didn't know how the heck to drive. She finally picked the right lane after taking up the middle for a few seconds while trying to make up her mind. Not a good sign, I figured.
Then she did it, the merge I hate and complain about. She did the 35MPH merge into the 65MPH traffic, blathering to her friend the whole time. She merged fine as there was a hole in the traffic.
However, I couldn't get my speed up and the car in the right lane seemed intent on running me off the road. I sped up and they sped up to show they weren't letting me in. I slowed down to let them by me and they just kept coming at a rate of speed where I had to literally get on the shoulder to let them by. Then the person behind them tried to keep me from getting on. It was KILL THE LADY IN THE MIIVAN night.
I know that when I merge, the people on the highway have the right of way. I will squeeze in whatever pitiful hole they choose to give me. But at least GIVE ME A HOLE!
I stayed in the right lane. My exit was only a mile away and I didn't want to be anywhere near Myrtle again. Unfortunately everyone in the right lane that was in front of me soon moved. Why? I'll tell you why! It was because Myrtle was going 55MPH, still blathering to her friend, with her right signal on!
I prayed that she would not take my exit. God wasn't answering. He probably figured saving my life during the merge was enough for one night.
She took my exit and then stayed in the middle of the lane AGAIN! Was she going right? Was she going left? Did she even know?
I laid on my horn. Steam was coming out my ears. I was so mad my chest hurt. She picked right, but I could tell she didn't even hear my horn. She was still BLATHERING.
It was the first time I have ever had the urge to follow somebody and take away their keys!
She probably has a perfect driving record. This is because everyone behind her on the road is crashing while she blathers OBLIVIOUSLY. (Did I use the word blather enough?)
I think I filled the air around me with negative energy, because the rest of my evening went quite badly. That will be my next story.
posted by Caro at 8:17 AM
5 Comments:
I live in Oregon, but I can see the blue air you're making in California. Man, you is smokin'!!
wow. don't you wish just sometimes you had a gun and legal permission to use it?
i am so stupid, i just figured out what "TMI Spot" means. I am an imbecile.
You aren't stupid. I noticed that when I was pregnant, I got what I called "preggo" brain, a general absentmindedness. I've read your posts. You use words I have to look up in the dictionary. Definitely NOT stupid.
I hope you at least gave her a one finger salute.
She wouldn't have noticed. She was paying no attention whatsoever.
Post a Comment
<< Home