One Jerk Every 2.5 Miles
I had to go to Walmart today again. It wasn't so much to buy something as it was to repair a mistake they had made last Thursday. I didn't get one of my bags which had about twenty-five dollars worth of stuff in it. I showed them the receipt and they very nicely replaced my merchandise. Now we have batteries for SJ to run down again. I sure wish I owned stock in Duracell.
The drive home is about ten miles. First came the merge onto the highway. The girl in front of me merged on at about 45MPH. Was she old? No - just on her CELL PHONE.
Next, somebody came up behind me to tailgate. I obligingly moved over and he passed me by. Shortly after, he got pulled over by the Highway Patrol. Every now and then life is just, and I'm petty enough to enjoy it.
After this, an Acura began merging on the highway. I slowed down to let him in, but he was going super slow so I sped up so as not to impede traffic. He punched it and cut me off. Thank you very much ass wipe.
Last but not least, someone in a van pulled into the ditch with their hazard lights flashing, BUT THEY KEPT DRIVING, off of the right hand side of the road. Was I supposed to dare to pass them or were they going to pull out and cut me off as I began to pass them? You guessed it. They decided to pull out and cut me off as I began to pass them. Ten miles of road - 4 clueless jerks. That's one jerk every 2.5 miles. If I were rich, I would so have a chaueffer.
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On the way to J's school, I got to see the "truth trucks." These are trucks with big billboards proclaiming that homosexuality is a sin. They are covered with homosexuality "statistics."
Usually the trucks are old with scary-haired, long-bearded freaks in them. Today it was a nice truck with two young clean-shaven men beside it. They can try to make the message look prettier but it still isn't palatable.
These people have said in the newspaper that they are trying to "educate" people. They are doing God's work! Do you feel educated when you see a sign? I know I do. Until now, I have been driving around blindly. I just needed them to SHOW ME THE LIGHT!
Why can't those assclowns do something that really matters like driving meals to elderly people or solving world hunger?
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I got a credit card offer in the mail today with the little fake credit card in it. It had a few numbers on it and a part that said "Your Name Here". Can I change my name to "Your Name Here?" Would anybody believe me when I told them that was my name? I know some guy legally changed his name to "they". So really, Your Name Here, isn't that much of a stretch.
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For those of you who have kids, I was remembering some of the cute names my kids gave stuff. I would love for you to share some of the terms your kids made up, and that you may still use. Two from A are:
Mountain Doom for Mountain Dew
Sloppy Jones for Sloppy Joes
These both stuck and we still use them. One time she wanted to stick her finger in some cake batter and taste it so she asked, "Can I taste it with my finger?" I loved that expression.
J had a few expressions also.
Panella for vanilla ice cream
Annor for Ignore
I wish I'd written them down, because there were so many more.
SJ doesn't talk much yet. Once he called a stick a dick, but it is not near as funny as when my nephew Z had a walking dick. (walking stick)
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Three more days to go and the weekend is here. If I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend, does that mean I'm constantly wishing away five days of my life? Hmmm.
The drive home is about ten miles. First came the merge onto the highway. The girl in front of me merged on at about 45MPH. Was she old? No - just on her CELL PHONE.
Next, somebody came up behind me to tailgate. I obligingly moved over and he passed me by. Shortly after, he got pulled over by the Highway Patrol. Every now and then life is just, and I'm petty enough to enjoy it.
After this, an Acura began merging on the highway. I slowed down to let him in, but he was going super slow so I sped up so as not to impede traffic. He punched it and cut me off. Thank you very much ass wipe.
Last but not least, someone in a van pulled into the ditch with their hazard lights flashing, BUT THEY KEPT DRIVING, off of the right hand side of the road. Was I supposed to dare to pass them or were they going to pull out and cut me off as I began to pass them? You guessed it. They decided to pull out and cut me off as I began to pass them. Ten miles of road - 4 clueless jerks. That's one jerk every 2.5 miles. If I were rich, I would so have a chaueffer.
******************************
On the way to J's school, I got to see the "truth trucks." These are trucks with big billboards proclaiming that homosexuality is a sin. They are covered with homosexuality "statistics."
Usually the trucks are old with scary-haired, long-bearded freaks in them. Today it was a nice truck with two young clean-shaven men beside it. They can try to make the message look prettier but it still isn't palatable.
These people have said in the newspaper that they are trying to "educate" people. They are doing God's work! Do you feel educated when you see a sign? I know I do. Until now, I have been driving around blindly. I just needed them to SHOW ME THE LIGHT!
Why can't those assclowns do something that really matters like driving meals to elderly people or solving world hunger?
******************************
I got a credit card offer in the mail today with the little fake credit card in it. It had a few numbers on it and a part that said "Your Name Here". Can I change my name to "Your Name Here?" Would anybody believe me when I told them that was my name? I know some guy legally changed his name to "they". So really, Your Name Here, isn't that much of a stretch.
******************************
For those of you who have kids, I was remembering some of the cute names my kids gave stuff. I would love for you to share some of the terms your kids made up, and that you may still use. Two from A are:
Mountain Doom for Mountain Dew
Sloppy Jones for Sloppy Joes
These both stuck and we still use them. One time she wanted to stick her finger in some cake batter and taste it so she asked, "Can I taste it with my finger?" I loved that expression.
J had a few expressions also.
Panella for vanilla ice cream
Annor for Ignore
I wish I'd written them down, because there were so many more.
SJ doesn't talk much yet. Once he called a stick a dick, but it is not near as funny as when my nephew Z had a walking dick. (walking stick)
******************************
Three more days to go and the weekend is here. If I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend, does that mean I'm constantly wishing away five days of my life? Hmmm.
posted by Caro at 6:32 PM
5 Comments:
My niece used to call oatmeal "mobila" and ice cream "ippie keem."
Every time the phone would ring when my sister was younger she'd say,"Hoooooooooooooonnnnneeee"
I still can't say somethings correctly....
Either way, I won't be able to wake up for class if I do not go to bed...I must be up before the crack of dawn...gawd it's weird going to school in the dark...be up by..5am...YAY!
Whatever.
TechieWhoseDoingItInTheDark
(Going to school)
Teddy used to say "sharkle" instead of "charcoal" and "ba-limp" instead of "blimp". I think he still thinks his ways are better, but he deigns to use the conventional words.
I wish I had written them down. The funniest was my daughter "C" had trouble with BL FL Etc. My Ex tied his own flies with feather breasts from a bird called a flicker. We were driving down the road. C was about 3 1/2 or 4. She was so exited and exclaime. "There's a fwucker, there's a fwucker".
my boys both say
"Uh welcome" instead of You're welcome. I find it amusing.
i'm sure there's more, but there's someone jackhammering outside my house and i can't think.
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