Stupid Stuff

We left town this weekend for one night just to get out of the house. We thought it might be relaxing - eternal dreamers that we are. This was very spur of the moment, but we managed to find a place to board the dog. Imagine if you could just board your kids, like you do the dog. Someone could just put them in a cage, tell them their food is in the corner and let them know to pee wherever and it will get hosed off later. People who say their animals are their children - no wonder they look so young. They can always find a sitter. Their children don't argue in the back seat on the way to a destination. They can put their children in a cage and not have CPS knocking on their door.

When I picked up the dog this morning was he grateful to see me? Did he lather me with his little (poop breath) kisses? No - he didn't even acknowledge me! Who does he think makes sure he gets fed? No, I couldn't possibly compete with the number of new areas to piss on. Unconditional love, my aching ass.

I have a headache today. Can you tell? I have them almost every day, but today's is a bit worse than usual. I looked up my symptoms on the internet. I am fatigued, have headaches, and ear pain. Imagine my surprise to learn I have a brain tumor! Maybe I should tell my doctor. Hee hee. I already went in for the ear pain and was prescribed an allergy medicine that didn't work. I'm not going back. I'm sure I would be diagnosed with hypochondriism. (however you spell it!)

S.J. will be getting a doctor's appointment though. He should be talking by now, but he mostly grunts and screams. Screaming is my job.

We drove about an hour and a half this weekend to get to our destination. We found a motel room, luckily, as we were at a popular vacation spot. It wasn't perfect, but it was a place to sleep. We walked on the beach once. I quickly realized the difference between cigarette butts and roaches. You don't find the beach littered with roaches. If smoking is going to remain legal, perhaps they should legalize pot smoking too. Seems like the pot smokers litter a lot less. In fact, they probably arm wrestle each other over the roaches.

Of course maybe the pot smokers just litter with different stuff. Maybe those empty Doritos bags and candy wrappers (on the beach) are from when they get the munchies. Who knows?

When we got home, I had two messages from S. She had actually called twice Friday and I didn't pick up. She also called again after we got back Sunday and I didn't pick up. That's five messages total from Miss Moron. She had something exciting to tell me. (she said) I told my MIL that I was sure it was really exciting news. Perhaps S. pooped in the shape of Elvis and is listing it on Ebay or perhaps she is finally getting that vocal cord cutting operation she so badly needs!

When I woke up this morning and switched on my computer, imagine my surprise to see my new wallpaper. It was Vin Diesel - topless. Thank you sweetie for your sense of humor.

Somebody in Philadelphia purchased my "Haunted Captain Hook Doll" off Ebay. So if you live in Philadelphia watch out. He is coming your way! (Yes the buyer knew he wasn't really haunted.)

Have a happy Monday. Do those two words even go together? Happy? Monday?