Walmart and Other Tidbits

Today I will probably mentally meander all over the place. Please bear with me. First of all, A is off to school. She was glad to go this morning which makes me even more convinced that she is no child of mine. (You LIKE school. What kind of sick child are you?) Really, I've never said that to her. I try to encourage her love of school and will never tell her how much I hated the HELL out of it.

On the way there and back, I had to go through the "no-stop" stop sign. This is one of those stop signs where nine times out of ten, somebody takes your turn. If you are coming up on the right and they are coming up on the left, and you begin to slow down to actually um, stop, they hurry through and take your turn. Many times it is intentional. Sometimes they are on their cell phone and truly oblivious to the fact that they just cut everybody off.

Due to the phenomenon that is this stop sign, there are a few different scenarios when you go through it.

One is the "cautious" scenario. (otherwise know as the clusterfu@k) That is when all four of us actually stop. Then everyone is afraid to go, because they think someone else will go, thus hitting them. This is only when four sane law-abiding people show up at the sign, usually a rare occurence.

One is the "who can roll faster through the sign" occurence. Rolling through the sign, incidentally, is called the "California Stop." Somebody is coming on the left. I'm coming on the right. I know if I stop, they will take my turn and I'm feeling irritable today. So I tap the brakes to signal that I "stopped" a little bit and roll through before they can.

Then there is the "some of us stopped, some of us rolled" scenario. That one is pretty much self-explanatory.

There are lots of people in this area that seem to feel entitled, and their driving reflects it.
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Now I am going to gripe about Norelco. There is actually a point to this, I will get to later.

Norelco makes electric razors. My husband likes electric razors, so one year I got him the cheapest model, around forty-dollars. After a year, the heads needed replacing, so I went to buy some. The heads and the razor were discontinued.

So I purchased him a new entry level razor. Within a year, he needed heads for it. Guess what? Yep, discontinued again. I assume this is Norelco's way of fleecing the consumer. If you buy their cheapest razor, they ensure that you will never find heads for it, thus replacing it yearly.

So for Christmas, I purchased a seventy-dollar Norelco razor for him and my FIL. These are the ones that dispense lotion. They both absolutely love these razors. I hope the fact that I paid a bit more for this model means Norelco isn't discontinuing it. Or maybe I should have purchased the one-hundred fifty dollar model. Ouch. It's almost time for new heads. We shall see.
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On to Walmart. Yesterday I made it out the door at 10:30 thinking that surely SJ wouldn't fall asleep that early.

He did start to fall asleep, in the van, so I put in a kid's music cd, complete with annoying, high-pitched, fingernails on chalkboard voices and he woke up. He enjoys this music. I just try to keep it from getting stuck in my head in an endless loop.

We made it to Walmart. I had to cross in the clearly marked crosswalk to get in the store. Of course, oblivo-bitch driving in her boat, didn't stop. So what if I had a 2-year old on my hip? She had places to go, things to do, and people to kill. (with her car.)

SJ has not had his photos done since last October. He was sleeping in those, another one of his "fall asleep on the way to wherever" incidents. He has changed a lot since then, so I decided, on a whim, to get him done.

There was no line at the studio. A good omen, surely, I thought. I placed him on the table. Or at least I tried to. It was like trying to dislodge a large, sticky booger off my arm. No way, was he sitting on that table, thank you very much.

Someday he will ask me why the girls had so many more professional pictures done than him, and I'm going to slug him!

I sat him in one of those carts with two seats on the front and tried to shop. Every two steps he hopped on the floor. Then I had to wait for him to sit back down. Two more steps - SJ on the floor, and so on and so forth. So I BUCKLED him. Then he started screaming and kicking the cart. Oh yay.

I hurried to get my Dad's birthday present, the main reason I was there. I wanted to get him the lotion dispensing razor, so I could mail it down for his birthday. (Mom if you read this, DO NOT give me the spending too much money lecture!) Guess what was out of stock? Yep, no razor. There was a spot where it should be, complete with price. Has it been discontiued? Shit shit shit!

I continued shopping. I found some dog harnesses. My dog needs one, because he doesn't walk well on a collar. (You can't tug on his collar at all because he has that little short neck, and it will hurt him.) The dog harnesses had no price tag on, in or near them. Okay then. Forget the harness.

I found diapers and went to buy a new coffee pot. (I give up. I can't stand the crappy one anymore) The Black & Decker Smart Brew is no more. I guess it has been DISCONTINUED.

I found a new Black & Decker - only it was FIVE SHELVES ABOVE MY HEAD. The sign says ask for assistance. Sure, uh huh. First I have to hunt down an employee that isn't fleeing away like a dove in hunting season. Then I have to wait and wait and wait... So screw the coffee pot. SJ is still screaming and I haven't even touched half my list.

One thing I hate about Walmart and any other store is people that stand in the MIDDLE of the aisle. They see you coming. They make eye contact. They don't move. So you go slowly past them trying not to hit them while you are really fantasizing about running them down. If you did hit them, then you could say, "Oops excuse me. I didn't mean to hit you, but your ass is even larger than I realized." Ah fantasies.

So I was dodging people, not finding the stuff I needed, listening to SJ scream...I just left. Screw it. Is toilet paper really that important? Here, borrow the Sears magazine.

And where do they find the check out clerks that work at Walmart? I won't even go there!

Oh and many people have said just go to Target. I like Target much better, but the closest Target is in the next county. It's not more than ten minutes farther than Walmart, but our county is always saying to keep our tax dollars local. So I'm not sure what is the lesser of two evils.

In conclusion, I still have a HUGE shopping list. I'm not going today. I just can't. Maybe Saturday, without children, I will go.

Have a great Friday everybody.