Monday, October 10, 2005

Bloggin' Boots

Boots here with the latest news. You won't believe it. You will never guess what they did now. Let me tell you!

Wednesday morning of last week started out on a promising note. My human said, "Let's go bye bye Boots." (This is human talk for taking a drive.) I hopped in the van and away we went.

It was fun for a while, but then things got a little noisy. The little one kept screaming and I felt like if I heard another chorus of "Do Your Ears Hang Low" I might have to poop on somebody. What's so special about hanging ears? I think pointy ears are much more attractive AND practical.

We drove and drove and drove and the stupid human got lost. Then I had to hear her for twenty minutes on her cell phone getting driving directions. I would never get lost if I were navigating.

Three long hours later we stopped. Did I even get to leave the van? No. We were somwhere with all sorts of interesting smells. I would have LOVED to add to them. But I just sat and waited.

The human put a box with holes inside with me. I immediately smelled something in there. I kept a good eye on that box just in case. If only I had known what was coming.

The drive back wasn't too bad. I had to pee pretty bad and we never stopped, but the little boy fed me every bite of his Happy Meal.

But - when we got home the human pulled a fuzz ball out of that box - a STINKY fuzzball. Immediately "A" grabbed it and started talking in her high-pitched voice, the one she saves for me! The nerve. It only got worse.

We went to pick up "J" and her friend "K" from school. "J" wanted to show the fuzzball to her friend "K" so we drove home. They both started talking to it in the high-pitched voices.

"Hello!" It's me Boots! "Remember me! I'm the one everybody makes a fuss over, not this - this INGRATE!

Things deteriorated from there on. What a week.

They let the fuzzball on the couch. I'm NEVER allowed on the couch.

Everyone came to visit and made a big to do over it. Everyone that usually says, "Hey Boots," walked right by me. "Aren't I cute anymore?"

The fuzzball got special food. It was soft and mooshy. I could smell it. The humans gave me some also, but they served her FIRST!

Every time SHE got a treat, I made sure I got two. I showed her.

What is SO great about her? She doesn't even pee outside! She's dumb and stinky and she's so fat she looks like a stomach with legs!

I sniffed her butt repeatedly and I tell you - NOTHING special.

The humans brought her a new toy. They got me one too. But I liked HERS better. Mine wasn't half as neat.

The little boy, the one who always shares his lunch with ME, gave his lunch to her. She can't even do tricks for her food. What the heck?

I showed her though once again. I ate the table scraps from dinner and I had some leftover fish. I also had more treats. I ate a lot of special food. So there you stupid puppy!

I am so sick of this puppy, I feel queasy. I feel like puking all over the place. In fact, GAAAAACCCCKKK. Have fun cleaning that up you assholes! I'll make sure that they do laundry all weekend long. Mwahahahahaha.

2 Comments:

Blogger nobody1001 said...

Poor Bootsy! You just come on down and Grandma will make a big fuss over you.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Mad Rabbit said...

YEAH BOOTS, GRAMMA B (WITH THE BLOND HAIR) WILL MAKE A BIG FUSS OVER YOU.

4:40 PM  

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