Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Halloween Is Coming

Halloween is just around the corner. I still need to make an Energizer Bunny drum and I need it by next week. Time to get my a$$ in gear.

A told me today that her friend Nick is going to be a "boundary hunter" for Halloween. Aren't all kids boundary hunters - or at least boundary pushers? I know mine are.

I decided to make Halloween cookies with A tonight. I made the dough. Then I chilled it and chilled it again. It was STILL too sticky to roll.

We tried to cut cookies, but it didn't work. I ended up rolling the dough into balls and smooshing it flat. We didn't even have any frosting or the stuff to make frosting so I couldn't even make orange frosting. Me and my bright ideas.

A seems pretty satisfied anyway. Does anybody have a good STIFF cookie recipe?
My Favorite Fantasies

1. Being a size 10 again or even a 12

2. Only having to say something once and receiving immediate compliance

3. Going to bed when I want to

4. Sleeping the whole night through

5. A dog that housebreaks within a week

6. Having enough time to do everything I need to

7. Hearing, "Gee Mom, that was some good advice."

8. Never having to shave again.

9. Hair that doesn't look like I should be wearing mammoth skins and carrying a club no matter what I do to it.

10. Folding laundry - walking away - and having it still be folded when I return

11. Making a good first impression or even a second one

12. Getting through the holidays without having several screeching fits complete with spittle and "Bernie Mac" eyes.
Speaking of the holidays, there is a favorite episode I have of "Family Guy". This is definitely an adult cartoon.

There is a Christmas episode where everything goes wrong and the wife is very calm. Everything that can go wrong will and there is a final straw that breaks the camel's back. She explodes and says, "Do you think that Christmas just happens? Do you think I just pull it out of my Holly Jolly ASS!" I didn't quote it verbatim but that is the gist of it.

Any woman that has ever had to plan Christmas for the whole family immediately comprehends that line.

First there is the bickering that starts IMMEDIATELY after Christmas is over. This is the bickering for the next year over whose family you are spending Christmas with.

Fast forward six months to July when the credit cards are paid off for the year before. It is time to start thinking about shopping and maybe even to do some.

Eventually everything just becomes a jumble. People to bake for at office, people to buy for, that annoying person who buys for you that you didn't buy for, numerous toy requests, numerous courses of Rudolph, wrapping, wrapping, wrapping, sending cards, guilt, guilt, guilt, cooking, crowds, charity, sold out merchandise, store clerks that flee like deer during hunting season...Can we just go back to putting an apple or orange in our kid's stockings for goodness sake? Please.

And Thanksgiving! Who invented this holiday? I guarantee it was a man.

This is Thanksgiving. Make your list. Go shopping. Realize you forgot something. Go shopping again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Slave over hot stove all day while men watch TV.

Put dinner on table.

Family descends like locusts. They strip their plates clean in five minutes. Back to TV.

You go into kitchen to wash GINORMOUS freaking pile of dishes.

Holiday: A day free from work that one may spend at leisure; a day off.

Uh huh, yeah.

What turnip truck did we women fall off that we fell hook, line and sinker for this "holiday"?


Blogger BabelBabe said...

my mil insists on holidays at her house; my parents are dead so don't insist on much of anything anymore. i sort of halfheartedly pushed to have thanksgiviong dinner at my house but then came to my senses just in time. let my mil do the work, darn it!

don't even get me started on xmas. si has given me 2 lists already and whenever we decide to economise, that translates into me baking all our teacher/coworker, etc gifts. more work for me. yay.

5:40 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Hehe...I was always a "boundary hunter" myself.

My SIL does Thanksgiving, and we always go to my mom's for Christmas since my husband is Jewish. So I am lucky so far.

However, I have my mother, husband (we do exchange gifts), brother, brother's wife, brother's 2 kids, sister, sister's husband, sister's 3 kids, and other sister to shop for. I am going to try to do everything online this year and stick to 1 present per person. (The first goal is more realistic).

5:54 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

It's hard to cut down. Every year I try and fail miserably.

7:10 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

What part of "restaurant" did you forget?

I loved the "Bernie Mac eyes" reference. You pretty sharp.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Thank you Old Horse.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Mad Rabbit said...

Not for nothin, but when was the last time you uttered the line "gee mom that was great advice"? Just asking.
Speaking of boundary hunters, did I not see a certificate of achievement on your wall for that very thing????

3:15 PM  

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