Making a Short Story Long
This morning I went to have my eyes checked and purchased some groceries at Costco. That is the short, painless version of my morning. Of course, I am going to torture all of you and give you every excruciating detail of my morning. That's what I do best, after all.
Be prepared for some meandering and digressing from the topic.
I made Princess J. an appointment a MONTH ago for an eye exam. (It takes that long to get an appt. at the eye dr.) Last night at 7:30, she told me she couldn't miss history class today. They were doing something worth 80 points. I told her the date when I made the appointment and the week before. Thank you for the 15 hour notice J!
Rather than cancel on the eye doctor, I decided to take her appointment. I haven't had new glasses for five years. SJ went with me. This was not as disastrous as one might imagine.
When I pulled onto the street the office was on, I noticed a sign that said "Creekside Village." Village, huh? Where's the village? I only saw offices.
I went to the doctor and checked in. The receptionist instructed me to fill out some forms and return them with my co-pay. I stood up and filled out the forms while following SJ around. He's two so he can't sit down, at least I think that's why.
I managed to fill out the forms and was quite proud of myself. I handed them in and the receptionist reminded me about the co-pay. Only she didn't remind me about the co-pay in a friendly voice. It was more of a, "You're trying to rip us off for five dollars, aren't you?" voice. I could imagine her in my own movie version of "Better Off Dead" following me around yelling, "I want my five dollars!"
I apologized and told her that I had gotten a bit flustered. There was no answering smile. Okay, whatever. Guess I found part of the village - the idiot!
By now, I had pulled my secret weapon from my purse - candy. SJ was sticking pretty close to my side.
A lady took me back to examine my eyes. I tried to keep a wiggly SJ on my lap. She told me in rather a cross tone that I needed to hold still. I looked at the chart and read off the letters. I hate doing that. It always feels like I'm failing a test which I guess I am, sort of. Then she dilated my eyes. Yuck!
I went in a different room to wait with SJ while the dilation drops kicked in. Before they did, I read an article on six things your childless friends want you to know.
One of them was that they want to have a conversation with you on the phone that doesn't go like this.
"What were you saying? Oops, hang on. RACHEL, QUIT HITTING YOUR BROTHER!"
"I'm sorry. Sue at the office said what? BILLY, I TOLD YOU NO COOKIES BEFORE DINNER!"
"Let's try a..."WHY ARE YOU PEEING ON THE FLOOR? Sorry, I've got to go."
Speaking of peeing on the floor, another thing your child-free friends want you to know is that they do not want to know about or see your children's bodily functions. Just because you have become immune to grossness doesn't mean they have.
There were four more things to know.
Number three was that they don't necessarily want to hold your baby.
Number four was not to expect them to know your child's needs. This one was along the line of if you're going to visit, tell them the kind of things your child likes to eat, not get annoyed because the food you require isn't in the fridge.
Number five was that they would like alone time with just you so they can have your undivided attention.
Number six was just because you have a child doesn't mean that they want or need to. Or maybe they want to but can't. So please be careful not to make insensitive comments.
I have definitely been guilty of one, two, five and probably six. For all those without children, I apologize if I have been an insensitive bore.
The article also said that some people with children assume their lives are much more important than childless people's lives. At least I'm not guilty of that. One of the things I love about blogging is reading about other people's lives.
In fact, a few good blogs that I haven't mentioned yet are:
www.oldhorsetailsnake.blogspot.com - Life in the oldfolk's home. Always funny and upbeat.
www.potatoesinthemist.blogspot.com - This is about Bearette - a vegetarian, yoga addicted, dog-lover in New York. Also upbeat and lots of yummy recipes.
If I knew HTML, I would put actual links for everybody.
Told you I would digress. My eyes were dilated. The doctor called me, finished the exam and pronounced that I DIDN'T need glasses. I started wearing glasses in fourth grade, but never really wore them much - could always see well enough to get along.
My Mom always said that not wearing your glasses made your eyes worse. This time she was wrong. I love it when that happens.
At least one thing on my body has improved with age.
The trip to Costo will have to wait. I'm out of time.
Happy Hump Day!
Be prepared for some meandering and digressing from the topic.
I made Princess J. an appointment a MONTH ago for an eye exam. (It takes that long to get an appt. at the eye dr.) Last night at 7:30, she told me she couldn't miss history class today. They were doing something worth 80 points. I told her the date when I made the appointment and the week before. Thank you for the 15 hour notice J!
Rather than cancel on the eye doctor, I decided to take her appointment. I haven't had new glasses for five years. SJ went with me. This was not as disastrous as one might imagine.
When I pulled onto the street the office was on, I noticed a sign that said "Creekside Village." Village, huh? Where's the village? I only saw offices.
I went to the doctor and checked in. The receptionist instructed me to fill out some forms and return them with my co-pay. I stood up and filled out the forms while following SJ around. He's two so he can't sit down, at least I think that's why.
I managed to fill out the forms and was quite proud of myself. I handed them in and the receptionist reminded me about the co-pay. Only she didn't remind me about the co-pay in a friendly voice. It was more of a, "You're trying to rip us off for five dollars, aren't you?" voice. I could imagine her in my own movie version of "Better Off Dead" following me around yelling, "I want my five dollars!"
I apologized and told her that I had gotten a bit flustered. There was no answering smile. Okay, whatever. Guess I found part of the village - the idiot!
By now, I had pulled my secret weapon from my purse - candy. SJ was sticking pretty close to my side.
A lady took me back to examine my eyes. I tried to keep a wiggly SJ on my lap. She told me in rather a cross tone that I needed to hold still. I looked at the chart and read off the letters. I hate doing that. It always feels like I'm failing a test which I guess I am, sort of. Then she dilated my eyes. Yuck!
I went in a different room to wait with SJ while the dilation drops kicked in. Before they did, I read an article on six things your childless friends want you to know.
One of them was that they want to have a conversation with you on the phone that doesn't go like this.
"What were you saying? Oops, hang on. RACHEL, QUIT HITTING YOUR BROTHER!"
"I'm sorry. Sue at the office said what? BILLY, I TOLD YOU NO COOKIES BEFORE DINNER!"
"Let's try a..."WHY ARE YOU PEEING ON THE FLOOR? Sorry, I've got to go."
Speaking of peeing on the floor, another thing your child-free friends want you to know is that they do not want to know about or see your children's bodily functions. Just because you have become immune to grossness doesn't mean they have.
There were four more things to know.
Number three was that they don't necessarily want to hold your baby.
Number four was not to expect them to know your child's needs. This one was along the line of if you're going to visit, tell them the kind of things your child likes to eat, not get annoyed because the food you require isn't in the fridge.
Number five was that they would like alone time with just you so they can have your undivided attention.
Number six was just because you have a child doesn't mean that they want or need to. Or maybe they want to but can't. So please be careful not to make insensitive comments.
I have definitely been guilty of one, two, five and probably six. For all those without children, I apologize if I have been an insensitive bore.
The article also said that some people with children assume their lives are much more important than childless people's lives. At least I'm not guilty of that. One of the things I love about blogging is reading about other people's lives.
In fact, a few good blogs that I haven't mentioned yet are:
www.oldhorsetailsnake.blogspot.com - Life in the oldfolk's home. Always funny and upbeat.
www.potatoesinthemist.blogspot.com - This is about Bearette - a vegetarian, yoga addicted, dog-lover in New York. Also upbeat and lots of yummy recipes.
If I knew HTML, I would put actual links for everybody.
Told you I would digress. My eyes were dilated. The doctor called me, finished the exam and pronounced that I DIDN'T need glasses. I started wearing glasses in fourth grade, but never really wore them much - could always see well enough to get along.
My Mom always said that not wearing your glasses made your eyes worse. This time she was wrong. I love it when that happens.
At least one thing on my body has improved with age.
The trip to Costo will have to wait. I'm out of time.
Happy Hump Day!
posted by Caro at 1:25 PM
6 Comments:
Yeah, I've always heard that glasses make your eyes worse...so it makes sense that avoiding them makes your eyes better...
Thanks for the blog recommendation!
You're welcome on the reccomendation. If I can get my hubby to sit down and help me this weekend I want to put in an actual link that people can follow.
Well, personally, I think that's bad advice. ALL the Mommy blogs I read tell about child poop (floor, bathtub, played with, thrown, widely spread across the body, carefully examined, etc.). If it weren't for poop, I doubt if most people could do even one post a week. I am a big fan of child poop. Wee wee from boys before you can get the diaper pulled up on the changing table, too. Great stuff.
Carolyn: If you want to put a link in your piece, I will send you email on same. Stand by.
Hoss
i think i love you, oldhorsetailsnake...
Glad to read about your eyes and glad I was wrong about it. I would never be envious of my own kids but what a great thing to see without glasses.
I've been wearing bifocals since I was nine.
P.S. Skip those articles! Why should you give a damn about what so-called experts say. If your so-called friends want your undivided attention, why don't they come by sometimes and offer you a hand so you'll have a little leisure time to spend with them. I always thought that's how friends were supposed to act.
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