Saturday, October 08, 2005

The Only Perfect Parents Never Had Kids

As all of you know, we just had Pergo installed.

My husband's friend "K" did it for us. He needed a job. We needed some help. He did a great job and it worked out well all around.

"K" has no children. He got to see our children at their very worst and they didn't make a good impression. Nor did I.

While he was installing the Pergo, our lives were turned upside down. My husband and I were stressed. The kids were stressed. Even the dog was stressed.

This resulted in the five of us looking like the scariest family on planet earth.

I screeched a lot. The kids were whiny. "A" was especially horrid, embarrassingly horrid. She wasn't listening. She talked back. She said some really rude things to "K" all in an attempt to show him the good manners we are trying to instill in her.

Apparently, "K" made some comments to my husband about our child's behavior and gave some child raising advice. He gave me a few pointers also. Many of them were good, by the book, pointers. Of course, anyone with children knows that by the book flies out the window when you're tired and stressed and your annoying little anklebiter asks, "Why not?" for the thousandth freaking time!

I told my husband I remembered when I was the perfect parent. This was before kids. (BK) I had a friend many years ago who hadn't potty trained her son yet. He was three and a half or maybe four. I found those huge stinky diapers disgusting and was always saying, "haven't you potty trained him yet?"

Regina, I apologize. You were very diplomatic when you should have just told me to shut the hell up or just decked me.

It is no coincidence that all the mothers I hang around with have at least one child who is similar to "A". They understand what it is like to have a child who pushes constantly and embarrasses you on a daily basis.

I don't socialize much with the mothers of "perfect" children. They just don't understand. They point their noses in the air and sniff when they see my little savages running around and me chasing them yelling, "No, no, not that either, NO!"

Sometimes I think I shouldn't have had children. I am sending three more maladjusted individuals out into this world. Sorry kids.

I sure miss being a perfect parent in the years BK.


Blogger nobody1001 said...

So you really think there is such a thing as a pefect parent? Huh!

11:46 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

i dont care what a nice job he did on the pergo, you still should have decked him.

3:52 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

While they're out playing, do the old "Moved, left no forwarding address" trick. They might not be happier, but you will.

7:19 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Oh God - do I bitch about my kids that much?

1:04 PM  

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