Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Tom The Bomb

Tom the Bomb is the not so affectionate nickname we have for our cat Tom. We've had Tom for about seven years, since he was a kitten. We adopted him from the shelter in San Jose.

Tom was playful as a kitten but once adulthood hit, he became a lump. Tom is the feline equivalent of your unfavorite relative who comes to "visit" and then proceeds to take up permanent residence in your household until the day they die.

If you pet him, he bites you. He won't play. He refuses to get used to the dog that we've had a year and a half. He wants to eat, poop, lay around and scream loudly at the door, preferably in the middle of the night. He hacks up hairballs the size of Texas. Once he did this in my favorite chair.

My annoyance with Tom began shortly after we moved to our current home. Every time he laid on my bedspread, he left a poop spot. After the fourth washing of my bedspread, he was no longer allowed in the bedroom. In fact, everywhere he laid, he left poop spots. We found out later that his anal gland needed drained, but by then I didn't want him on my furniture, period.

Tom has other poop issues also. The reason we call him Tom the Bomb aka "the ass of doom" is because his crap stinks so badly. It isn't normal cat poop stench. It is a "god-awful nose hair singing must don a haz-mat suit to scoop it" stench.

That's not all. We have tried clay litter, scoopable litter, flushable litter and litter crystals. We have also tried Tidy Cat and Arm & Hammer Deodorizer. We have tried scooping and disposing of the turd as soon as it leaves his butt. We have tried shutting the bathroom door and the smell seeps under it. None of these measures work. The minute the cat takes a crap, our whole house smells like ass - EVEN WHEN the turd has been scooped out and whisked away to the outside trash.

The vet suggested that he had food allergies and reccomended a special food, a special EXPENSIVE food. Let's see. Uh no.

Tom also craps out of spite. When we leave town, we load him up with food, more than he usually eats in that amount of time. We give him two mixing bowls full of water. One time, we stayed a day late and he ran out of food, so he shit on the living room floor. Now when we leave, we lock him in the bathroom.

Tom is also no longer living in the house. He lives on the porch in his cat bed like a great, black lump of mold. But does he leave the area to crap. Oh no, why bother? He craps under the porch. All visitors to our house are greeted with the smell of cat ass. Welcome friends and neighbors!

He just had his most recent well kitty visit at the vet and he is in perfect health. Crap. This obnoxious smelly creature could be around another thirteen years or more. Somebody just shoot me please.


Blogger Gina said...

Oh, God. I hated my cat, and she was loads better than yours. I had to get rid of her when we sold the house, because we aren't allowed pets in the townhouse I rent. I ended up giving the cat to an older lady who's lonely and sickly, and the two get on like gangbusters.

Maybe Tom needs to live in a house with one person, preferably older and with little sense of smell left?

7:38 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Good suggestion. He would probably be much happier. (and so would I)

7:51 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Not to be too harsh, but sometimes there comes a time.... Well, you know what I mean. And I do mean it.

8:01 AM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

I can testify that said cat is every bit as bad as crazed mom indicates. I've never seen a cat before that doesn't like to be petted occasionally.

8:55 AM  

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