Thursday, December 22, 2005

Bitch, bitch, bitch

Today I am griping about my puppy. Yeah, I tend to gripe. Hence, the blog. My husband gets irritated with my griping. Everybody else probably gets irritated also, but they can navigate away from my page, whereas my husband is stuck with me. Hee hee.

This dog will not potty train. Aargh. When I complained to my husband, he informed me that I was the one that HAD to have the dog. Apparently, that means I can't complain about the myriad puddles on the floor.

Twice this weekend, TWICE, she peed and pooped on our bed in the RV. We took her outside. She wouldn't go. We went in my parent's house to visit for 15 minutes. I came back out to give her a chance to go again. She had shat on my bed, over and under the covers.

The dog has been scolded for going inside. Instead of concluding that the outside is good to go and the inside is bad, she has concluded that eliminating within our sight is bad. So, she sneaks off to whizz on the floor.

She also will not whizz within our sight outside. This removes any chance of positive reinforcement coming from us. We can't praise her for going outside if we can't see her going outside.

She won't whizz while on a leash. Again, a problem. Can't praise her if we can't see her.

So today I tried to take her outside. I waited and waited and waited. Soon my patience became frayed. Then my tone of voice went from encouraging to, "Would you hurry the hell up and piss already dumbass?"

Then she ran off and hid.

So next, I had J take her outside on a leash. J waited a long time also. Finally, I said, "Tie her up out here. I'll watch from the window and then praise her when she goes."

After twenty minutes of staring out the gd window, I gave up and put her inside in the bathroom.

We did this a second time with the same results.

I am ready to choke this gd stupid dog. Yes, I know there are no stupid dogs, just stupid owners. But I am still going to say it. STUPID STUPID DOG!

I am going to buy a crate and try crate training. At this point, I am so irritated with the dog that I am constantly growling at her.

She, in turn, rolls over and pees on herself. Great, we have a piss and shake dog.
Poor "A" is sick. She has a cold that comes with an excruciating headache. When the headache hits, she starts crying. There were no more appointments at the doctor's office today, but she goes in at nine a.m. tomorrow.

I made some gingerbread in hopes that she will feel like rolling it out later. I also mailed off her letter to Santa today. I didn't put our address on it, because last year the post office gave me a "return to sender" with her Santa letter. Luckily, she wasn't peering over my shoulder when I got my mail. Couldn't the idiots in the post office just throw it away? Probably Barney Fife was in charge that day.
I didn't cancel our paper when we left town. When I came home, it was to find that somebody had stolen my Saturday AND Sunday paper. Why drive to the store and put fifty cents in a machine when you can be an asshole and rip off your neighbor, right? One year, somebody stole my Christmas day edition and put it back in my box two days later. My husband wants to put up a security camera to see who it is. This is not such a bad idea, perhaps.
I used to love to sit and read a book end to end. Now, I find myself skimming and looking ahead. It is hard to make the time commitment to read the whole thing in the proper order. Plus, I can't seem to concentrate anymore. I need a magic book that will only let me read one page at a time so I am forced to concentrate. Or I need a book that catches me and makes me want to read every word, the way that Mary Higgins Clark's novels used to.


Blogger nobody1001 said...

I think you have a developmentally disable dog! How about a diaper?

4:09 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

My mom always put our dog's nose in it and said in menacing tones, "DID YOU PEE?" It made me feel bad for the dog. But it worked. She also started putting newspaper around the house, then moved the newspaper outside.

I know you may already have tried all of this...

6:30 AM  

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