An Evening - Make That Morning - in the ER

My children don't like me to sleep. They really don't. They are afraid if I become well-rested I will be a rational person instead of a screaming monster. They secretly like Monster Mom. They must BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT LET ME SLEEP!

SJ might sleep a four hour stretch if I'm lucky. The last four hours of the evening, he is up at least four to six times. He is my insomniac.

If by some miracle, he is asleep, A is up. She is whining to get in our bed because she wants to sleep with SOMEBODY. I guess the dog doesn't count despite the frequency with which I have to wash her stink-ridden quilt.

Last night it was J's turn to keep me up. At least it wasn't for a trivial reason like it is with the other two. She was actually sick and needed medicine, not just bragging rights about putting bigger bags under my eyes.

At two-thirty a.m., she woke me up.

Her chest hurt and she was nauseous. I assumed heartburn. SJ was laying across my arm, sleeping. My husband woke up and since I didn't want to wake SJ, he volunteered to go in the kitchen and get J some medicine.

He walked partway down the hall, came back, went in the bathroom, then got back in bed.

Then when I asked, "What about the medicine?", he replied, "Did I miss something here?"

Yes, dear, only the choo-choo train to awake land.

I need to add here that my husband is a very deep sleeper. You can have a conversation with him and he won't remember it the next morning. He may appear to be awake but he is NOT awake. In fact, talking with him when he is in this state, is like teaching the pythagorean theorem to my dog. It can't be done.

SJ was stirring so I put him on my shoulder and got some Prevacid for my daughter. I told her to take it and let me know if it helped within half an hour.

Then SJ and I laid down so I could get him back to sleep. I could hear J moaning. Fifteen minutes later, he was out again so I asked her how she was.

"I'm having trouble breathing," she said.

So I googled her symptoms and had her try drinking a soda. This was in case it was gas so she could maybe burp it out.

I called our HMO. When they heard her symptoms, they said usually they would recommend calling 911 for that set of symptoms. Rather than calling 911, I drove her to the ER. I figured if she had been going to collapse she would have already done it.

SJ woke up when we were getting dressed so he got to come along for the ride. He thought it was a grand adventure. Instead of making him go back to sleep, I was taking him somewhere.

J had to have a chest x-ray and EKG. She turned out to have an inflamed esophagus. She had to drink a vile tasting fluid that numbed her mouth and esophagus.

She seems fine today, but we have to follow up with her doctor.

The highlight of the visit was the man in the curtained area next to ours. I first noticed him when he yelled, "Nurse, I'm gonna drop dead in here."

He then proceeded to fart quite frequently. Fun stuff. I told J she was lucky the stench didn't come through the curtain.

We got home just after five. I grabbed donuts and coffee on the way. Caffeine AND sugar - my favorite morning combination.

If SJ has insomnia again tonight, I just may have to kill him.