Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me

Good morning. Today is my 37th birthday. I thought it was my 38th but my Mom corrected me.

Last week I dreamed that my husband asked me for a divorce on my birthday. In the dream, I told my MIL, "He didn't even wish me Happy Birthday!"

My husband and I laughed about this dream.

Well, it came partly true. He didn't ask for a divorce. However, it is impossible to wish somebody a Happy Birthday if you have been giving them the silent treatment since the morning before.

Anybody that isn't pissed at me can wish me Happy Birthday. Oh, and send presents, lots of 'em. Please.
Dr. Phil says that married couples fight about three things. They are money, in-laws and parenting. I'm not telling which one.

In totally unrelated matters, my teen daughter morphed into hellion child this weekend. She got mouthy and got grounded.

Then she locked us out of her bedroom and lost her bedroom door. She was supposed to clean the kitchen and she wouldn't get out of bed.

After being threatened with me lifting her physically from her bed, she got up, only to stand in the kitchen, arms folded, and glare at the counter.

Then she laid on the kitchen floor.

Those of you with small kids who are laughing, your day will come.

Those of you who have raised your kids and gotten them out of the house, continue to feel smug.

Those of you who haven't had children, remember that cute little baby morphs into a teen eventually.
It occurs to me that I haven't posted a gross fact in a few days. I can't find my book so I will just write what I learned about colonoscopies recently.

I read this on the internet so if it's wrong, sue Al Gore.

If you are having a colonoscopy, you must stay on a liquid diet for 4-5 days beforehand. Before the procedure, you may receive one or two small enemas.

Then (according to my husband who got to hear it) after the procedure, the nurses instruct you to push the gas out. Apparently, the procedure fills you with air. Fun stuff, huh?

No wonder people die of colon cancer. They want to postpone the joys of having their ass examined so thoroughly. How many people past the age of fifty does anyone know who has had this like they are supposed to? I don't know any.

Katie Couric doesn't count unless you know her personally.


Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
You look like a monkey,
And you smell like one too!

Hehe, I know... What goes around comes around... just be glad it's not my cold.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Quit insulting the monkeys, techie.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

happy birthday! it's always in-laws for me.

7:35 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

wait...she lost her bedroom door?!?

7:36 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

My husband unscrewed it from the hinges. Yesterday she was in her room playing Phantom of the Opera music. I could hear it. My ears, my ears!

7:52 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...


I am ( almost ) a year behind her .

Have a great day !!!!!

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


8:25 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...


My not quite teen was a royal pain in the buttocks yesterday and I thought to myself ' I am really in for it because she is the good one '.

God help me in a few years .

8:25 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Lisa, It's the hormones gone amuk.

Anonymous, what is a poop poop te doo? If it involves a colonoscopy, I'll pass.

8:27 AM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

Remember the Mantra I gave you so that it might save your sanity and allow her to live.
"Nobody loves a teenager but another teenager"" Say it, Live it, Be it. It is the only way to survive.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Happy Birthday!

I am dreading Teddy's teen years.

I had a colonoscopy in 2003. I can tell you that the procedure itself isn't bad at all, but the prep . . . IS TORTURE.

Have a happy day!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Ohmigosh Gina, that's right.

I forgot to mention the laxative from hell that people get to take BEFORE the enema treat. How remiss of me. LOL

8:57 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

Happy Birthday to Youuuuuuuuu
Happy Birthday toooo you
Happy Birthday,Happy Birthdaaaaaaaay
Happpppppy Biiiiirthdaaaaaay toooooooooo youuuuuuu!!!!

For us,it's parenting.
I know the best way,he knows nothing,heh.

I like the door idea.I don't believe kids should have all that much privacy anyways;p

10:51 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

What's the denoument with the child and cleaning the kitchen? And same for the "not speaking" treatment?

But, on the colon job, I had one of those. They gave me some knockout pills, woke me later to say it was all done, and I had no gas to pass. Pretty slick operation. It went so well, I wonder if they actually did it???

12:41 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Old Hoss, you made me learn a new word - denoument!

Daughter is grounded for three weeks.

Husband is still not speaking to me. Eventually he will speak, but he will be mad at me for another month or six.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

I forgot the birthday thing, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
3 weeks??? Who is being punished here??
You guys need to learn to make the punishment fit the crime. What are you gonna do if she ditches school??? Have her drawn & quartered. Jeez, I could never take grounding the stepmonster for more that a week tops. YIKES

2:30 PM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

Happy B day to u..
Happy B day to u....
Feliz Feliz en tu dia..!!!
(hey..i had to throw in some spanish b day cheer!!)...

For was in laws and still

As for teens..I lived in a house with a teen..(my brother)...he got two bleeding lips..and got stabbed with a fork once (on his blood people) by moi!! and still, as almost an adult, gets on my

4:09 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

i missed your bday, i am so sorry!

happy birthday, carolyn!

5:50 AM  

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