Happy Birthday To Me

Good morning. Today is my 37th birthday. I thought it was my 38th but my Mom corrected me.

Last week I dreamed that my husband asked me for a divorce on my birthday. In the dream, I told my MIL, "He didn't even wish me Happy Birthday!"

My husband and I laughed about this dream.

Well, it came partly true. He didn't ask for a divorce. However, it is impossible to wish somebody a Happy Birthday if you have been giving them the silent treatment since the morning before.

Anybody that isn't pissed at me can wish me Happy Birthday. Oh, and send presents, lots of 'em. Please.
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Dr. Phil says that married couples fight about three things. They are money, in-laws and parenting. I'm not telling which one.

In totally unrelated matters, my teen daughter morphed into hellion child this weekend. She got mouthy and got grounded.

Then she locked us out of her bedroom and lost her bedroom door. She was supposed to clean the kitchen and she wouldn't get out of bed.

After being threatened with me lifting her physically from her bed, she got up, only to stand in the kitchen, arms folded, and glare at the counter.

Then she laid on the kitchen floor.

Those of you with small kids who are laughing, your day will come.

Those of you who have raised your kids and gotten them out of the house, continue to feel smug.

Those of you who haven't had children, remember that cute little baby morphs into a teen eventually.
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It occurs to me that I haven't posted a gross fact in a few days. I can't find my book so I will just write what I learned about colonoscopies recently.

I read this on the internet so if it's wrong, sue Al Gore.

If you are having a colonoscopy, you must stay on a liquid diet for 4-5 days beforehand. Before the procedure, you may receive one or two small enemas.

Then (according to my husband who got to hear it) after the procedure, the nurses instruct you to push the gas out. Apparently, the procedure fills you with air. Fun stuff, huh?

No wonder people die of colon cancer. They want to postpone the joys of having their ass examined so thoroughly. How many people past the age of fifty does anyone know who has had this like they are supposed to? I don't know any.

Katie Couric doesn't count unless you know her personally.