Saturday, March 11, 2006

Boobariffic

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I am boob obsessed.

It might have started in grade school when mine came in way too early. While other girls still looked like sticks, I looked like the Jolly Green Giant with developing boobage on my chest.

I remember how badly I hated the boobs. They were a source of embarrassment.

One time, I was playing outside with a friend. It was the summertime and hot. We were running around in shorts and no shirts. I was probably around nine years old and didn't think much about running around shirtless. The year before I had done it. My mother said, "You need to put on a shirt because you have breasts."

I had to put on a shirt and I wasn't happy. The fact that my friend didn't have to made me so mad, that I threw a ball at her really hard and gave her a black eye. Nice, huh? She didn't know why I did it.

Lest you think this friend was a sweet little thing, she thought it was funny to pretend my growing boobs were punching bags. Ouch!

Eventually I lost this friend. We were riding on the teeter totter and I purposely made her fall. Her front teeth got chipped and she looked like a vampire. Her mother wouldn't let her play with me after that. You know, I think I had anger issues as a kid. But I digress.

Anyway, the boobs were humiliating. We had to say the pledge of allegiance every morning and I didn't know where to put my hand. I didn't want to touch my boobs. It was the spot where I used to put my hand, but now there were boobs there.

Bras were a torture device straight from the middle ages as far as I was concerned. If this was growing up, I wanted none of it.

Eventually, but not fast enough for me, other people got boobs. Some girls were actually jealous of mine because I was nicely endowed. Well a 36C, not ginormous by any means.

I did hate running in phys ed class, because I didn't want anyone to see them bouncing.

When I had my first child, my boobs became something different entirely. They were food. They were a way to bond, something nobody but I could do with my child.

Then she weaned and the realization dawned that they resembled a photo shoot from National Geographic. I was only twenty-one and my boobs were all washed up!

Over the years, I lost self-consciousness about the boobs. There were too many things to worry about.

Then my oldest daughter had to comment about how much they bounced when I ran, "like a cartoon caricature."

Now I was self-conscious all over again. In cycling class when I go fast, I can feel them jiggle. I look around at other women. Some are jiggling. Some have boobs that hold perfectly still, usually nice perky boobs.

Is that the secret to boobs that don't jiggle? Is it perkiness? Is it an excellent bra? Someone tell me darn it!

I am also obsessed with other people's boobs out of gym class. If a woman is particularly large, I notice. If a woman is in her mid-forties and they still look gravity-defying, I wonder if they're real.

Do any other women out there look at other women's boobs? Am I a freak?

Don't answer that!

Does anybody else have thoughts on boobs they would like to share? Feel free.

13 Comments:

Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

Duct tape....

If a bra fails to up hold it's duty, no pun kintended...duct tape will ensure that they go no where. Haven't you ever seen "Now and Then" ?

10:50 PM  
Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

Uh... I meant INtended... It's been a LOOONG day...

10:51 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Get thee a good sports bra, dear. Title Nine Sports has some nice ones. The jiggling would make me insane.

And I am with you on the Nat'l Geo nature of breastfeeding breasts. Oh so sad. My boobs will never be the same.

My sister-in-law just got a boob job last year. I was incredulous -what is the point? Now her tummy tuck? That I envy!

8:45 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I don't know, really. Lay one on me and we'll see.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

I LOVE boobs!
I like small ones,big ones even in between ones,hehehehee,I love boobs.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

hehe...everyone posts about this sooner or later. when you talked about the pledge of allegiance, i had this moment of recognition. mine aren't even big, but i got them in 6th grade and i had that pledge-of-allegiance moment you did.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

buahhhh!! :-(

After breastfeeding they were never again what they were....

I tend to use push up's so they don't 'push down'.but then, when I go out, they look like they're gonna get there before me...tsk tsk.

4:26 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Techie - You are lucky you have a lovely set of bazoombas. I would need a whole roll of duct tape.

Babelbabe - You should have told me about your SIL on St. Patty's Day, because I am green with envy.

Old Horse - Was that a double entendre? Nah.

Ms. L - I think maybe I do too.

Bearette - If you did a boob post, I want to read it. I bet it's funny.

Mary - I bet the guys don't mind your boobs arriving first. LOL

5:58 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

hehe...i've never done one, but Bdogg and Quiet in the Stacks did, a while back. They talked about "uniboob" and "quadriboob."

6:38 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

It really is all about the bra--and the fit. Go to a nice shop that only sells bras and what-not (Avoid Victoria's Secret, because her secret? Is that she's a whore.) Let a nice old lady measure you and fit you, and you'll have the happiest boobs on earth.

7:11 AM  
Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

If you wait till you guys come down I can take you to Bali. The ladies in there probably like boobs as much as you do. They measure and even come into the dressing room once you have it on to tell you what they think.
hahahaha.

8:03 AM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

I have never heard this story and thought I knew them all. Was the friend one of the Creamers?

3:31 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Nobody, don't you remember Wanda Young?

8:52 PM  

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