Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Mailbox Mayhem

Our mailbox, as of late, has contained an excessive number of unwanted catalogs.

We keep receiving Mrs. Fields catalogs. I ordered a Mrs. Fields cookie tin for my mother last Mother's Day, when her leg was broken and she couldn't get out of bed. That was almost a year ago. They still faithfully send the catalogs. I'm sorry, but for the prices they charge, Mrs. Fields will have to personally visit and bake the cookies in my kitchen. Then she may have to service my husband also. Those are some expensive cookies.

We also get Roaman's, Lane Bryant and Just My Size.

Lane Bryant irritates me the most. They keep sending catalogs that say, "This is your last catalog if you don't order."

It's like a parent saying, "Michael, I'm going to punish you if you pee on the couch ONE MORE TIME," and never following through.

Quit sending them already! I actually tried to order from this catalog last winter. Everything that I wanted was sold out! That is ALWAYS the case with Lane Bryant. I don't know why I even try.

I ordered a strapless bra from Just My Size two or three summers ago. I carefully measured myself per their instructions. Of course the bra didn't fit. I'm not sure they make strapless bras to fit me. It's still sitting in my dresser drawer waiting for my tits to shrink.

I haven't ordered from the Roaman's catalog in forever either. Sometimes the models actually look bad in the clothes they're modeling.

If the model looks bad in it, I know it will look bad on me. Hell, if the model looks good in it, I know it will look bad on me.

We get catalogs once a week from Camping World. Yeah, because we camp a lot right now, what with the fifty-degree weather and hail storms.

Many years ago, we ordered some bed risers (they make your bed taller) from Harriet Carter. They must have sold our address because we receive a variety of different catalogs with a myriad of gadgets guaranteed to part us from our money. There are tons of "unique" things, like garden statues shaped like urinating dogs. A urinating dog statue is the must-have item for Christmas 2006, don't you know?

Recently, we received a Hard To Find Tools catalog. Hard to Find Tools - hee hee.

Dell keeps sending us catalogs. We ordered a flat-screen monitor AT LEAST a year and a half ago.

I don't have time to go through these catalogs and my recycle bin isn't big enough for them all.

I haven't even covered all the pre-approved credit card offers that come, sometimes three a day.

It's a wonder that we even have trees left on this planet. Good grief.


Blogger Chelle said...

Isn't that just the irritating thing? When we moved into this house almost 2 years ago, we "inherited" the influx of catalogues from the pervious owner. O M G....this lady must have ordered from EVERY place under the sun. No lie...we received AT LEAST 7 catalogues a day. After about a year, they stopped coming. I guess they figured they wren't getting any money from this address anymore...lol

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pee goes in the toilet!

4:12 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

A urinating dog statue...a necessary fixture for every home ;)

"She may have to service my husband also"...LOL.

Re the gfcf diet, you may want to visit veganlunchbox.blogspot.com...it's linked to a bunch of recipes that are dairy-free. She even makes vegan Twinkies. They look very labor intensive.

4:28 PM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

That veganlunchbox blog is inspiring!

We don't get much junk mail here; apart from the flyers advertising escorts and various other "hygiene" services - the euphemism used here...

6:44 PM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

Good Grief! The tin is beautiful but I was so out of it, I can't remember the cookies. I bet they were delicious!

8:36 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

I wish the vegan lunch box lady would pack my lunch.

9:25 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Vegan Twinkies are wrong on so many levels I do not even know where to begin.

Carolyn, you make me laugh so hard. I love reading your blog because even when you're in a bad mood, you're funny. I wish you lived closer to me so we could hang out.
Although given my propensity to pee just alittle when I laugh really hard, perhaps it's good you don't, I do enough laundry already.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...


We could go halfsies on a box of Depends since I have that problem also.

Ooh, isn't that a pretty mental picture?

12:53 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Yes, Mom, but think of all the b**g fodder!!!

4:18 PM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

We finally got off the lists for mortgages, credit cards and something else. I called or wrote 3 different places. Unfortunately I forgot to include my husband in the opt out, so now we get even MORE, addressed to him. ACK! I will find those phone numbers or addresses and get them to you.

What I did for unwanted mail is open them up, get rid of any personal identifiers (there are #'s at the bottom too), stuff all their crapola back into their handy-dandy prepaid return envelope. For added weight, I then cut all the catalogs I received that day into their return envelope size (removing my address, obviously). I stuffed their postage prepaid envelope as full as possible. Let THEM do the recycling! Then I found the opt-out numbers and that solved the problem. Calling them did not work, I can tell you that.

If I have sent them repeated requests to get me off their lists, I send flat rocks and include my return info. If I've called, mailed, emailed, etc., and the financial stuff keeps coming, I attach their return envelope to a browncraft-wrapped brick. The brick is as big as I've had to go, but I would consider something heavier.

I wish we would be a paper-free society (except for tp).

I'll ask my GF who's done the gfcf diet for a long time where she gets her food or recipes.

Your blog is fun to visit daily. Thanks!

6:11 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

i wish she would pack my lunch too! d says it will be hard for her kid when he starts dating, b/c no one else will take such good care of him ;)

6:14 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Vickee - You are a hoot! I LOVE the brick idea.

Bearette - Your husband is right. Her son will have to look far and wide for a lady to take such good care of him.

6:18 PM  
Blogger Cari said...

Wow, I thought I got a lot. You certainly top me. Mine are mostly toy catalogs. I must've been put on a list when I ordered one item from a catalog 2 Christmas's ago.

This was a fun post to read.

I have a lot of friends who do the GFCF diet...one who is starting a website. Good luck.

7:41 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I decided to (gasp) cancel my subscription to Gourmet magazine and they've been hounding me ever since. I don't even answer the phone anymore, just in case it's them again. GAH!

6:34 AM  

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