Monday, March 20, 2006

"S" is for Stupid

My husband got me, for my birthday, a fifty-dollar Borders card. I left it on the kitchen counter so I could grab it on the way out the door at some point.

Guess what I've lost? C'mon guess!

I am such an idiot. Fifty-dollars could have purchased me hours of escapism.

I almost think I grabbed it one day, but it's not in my purse or my van or on the counter. EEEERRRGGHH! Maybe I threw it away by mistake. That's a distinct possibility.

Those of you with Ouija Boards, please consult them and let me know where it is, please. (Yes, I'm kidding.)
From the paper:

"At Kraft foods, recipes never include words such as "dredge" and "saute." Betty Crocker recipes avoid "braise" and "truss." Land O' Lakes has all but banned "fold" and "cream" from its cooking instructions. And Pillsbury carefully sidesteps "simmer" and "sear."

Apparently, according to the article, we have become a nation of culinary illiterates. Today's cooks do not have as many kitchen skills as their parents or grandparents did.

This has been blamed on mothers working outside the home, and therefore not teaching daughters to cook. It has also been blamed on a lack of home ec programs.

My favorite thing about the article was a call that General Mills received.

A man was irate about the fire that resulted when he greased the bottom of the pan. He greased the OUTSIDE bottom of the pan.

If he had killed himself in the resulting fire, would he have been a Darwin award recipient, do you think?


Blogger Chelle said...

OMG SOmoene should have said to that man "Here's yer sign!" lol (stupid sign!) Some ppeople!

I'msorry about your card....doesnt' that jsut irk you to no end??? It will pop up.,...when you stop looking for it :)

10:19 PM  
Blogger Joke said...

I'm sorry about your card, and I agree completely that we're a nation of cooking illiterates.

I'm waging a one-man-war against the cultural decay that accompanies that, and many days I despair. Even Cook's Illustrated cookbook reviews have been known to chastise authors for not dumbing down their text.

That's why I loved Tony Bourdain's cookbook. He assumed you knew your way around AND wouldn't need handholding AND wouldn't sulk when he called you an imbecile.


5:28 AM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

eerrr!!! it's so frustrating when u lose something u want so badly..but it'll pop up when u least expect it...probably under a a corner of your purse, maybe inside a broken liner...I should know..I am expert of losing and retrieving..

5:53 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Wow. that guy needs someone to take care of him.

i'm sorry you lost the borders card :(

i find it disturbing if someone doesn't know what simmer means...the rest are excusable...kinda...i guess i never caught onto "braise"...but i know the rest.

i had a dream that i was at a birthday party for SJ last night. i kept trying to light the candles, but i couldn't...

7:34 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

You know what's good? That card will very likely turn up when you least expect it, and then it will feel like a DOUBLE BONUS. I hope.

I had to take Home-Ec in 7th and 8th grades (we were actually BUSSED from the three Catholic schools over to the public school for this--the boys took wood shop and then metal shop, while the girls took cooking and sewing).

You know what would have been cool? If the boys and girls had all taken shop and home-ec. Because no one would suffer from knowing his or her way around a kitchen, sewing machine, or shop. Seriously.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Joke said...

Shop? Really?


That was my dad's big criteria. If a school so much as OFFERED shop, it was a dealbreaker. Those tended to not be citadels of Classical Education.

Therefore, I suffer from not being able to fix much, but I can cook like a muhfuh.


P.S. Verily I kick arse at home theatre wiring and stuff, lest you all think me an insufferable dandy.

8:42 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

No, Joke, we would NEVER think you a DANDY : )

Carolyn, I feel sick in the pit of my stomach for you over the loss of your Borders card. (I think they make Hallmark cards that say that, too.)

Also, i picked up a maagzine for you at WF last night - I will put it in the mail asap. It's called Living Without, and it's all about cooking for people with allergies/intolerances. some of the recipes looked kinda good.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Chelle - I love "there's your sign."

Joke - The editors of "The Joy of Cooking" argued about dumbing down the cookbook. They compromised by including a glossary containing the terms. And if it weren't for my husband's home theatre wiring, there would be no cable, vcr, or even television.

Mary, I hope you're right. Maybe I should search under the counter.

Bearette- I missed you! I confess I don't know braise or truss. Truss makes me think of a cowboy tying up a calf. If I come on a term I don't understand, I google it or use a dictionary.

Gina - You're right. Girls should have been encouraged to take shop. That would have been great.

Babelbabe - Thanks so much for the magazine. I can't wait!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I hate that when I lose stuff like that. I lost a gift card recently too. how frustrating! it does seem to be true that people just don't cook as much anymore. I was lucky to have a mom who taught me how to cook.

12:26 PM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

Haven't had time to comment lately so here goes all at once.
1. You will find your borders card right after it expires.

2. Most people don't cook anymore, anyway, so I wish they would not change all the cooking terms just for them.

3. Our room in Vegas had mirrors in the dressing room and I happened to see a terrible sight I always avoid-me, naked.

4. I have to have at least a sheet up over the back of my neck summer and winter.

5. I think that is or is not a relish dish, maybe.

6. Aren't you just so proud of yourself when you noticed someone peed on the toilet before you sit down? Aren't you just pissed that you managed to get it on your clothes, anyway?

1:16 PM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

bwaahaahaahaa,that's funny!
What a flippin moron..

Aww I'm sorry you lost the card Love,I hope it turns up!

1:33 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Hee ;) I think truss is probably to tie up a piece of meat. Aargh...I definitely know fold and saute though. I guess we only need to know the names of techniques we use! :)

3:22 PM  

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