Saturday, April 29, 2006

A Day Late and Many Dollars Short

The Friday list that many of you posted was too good to pass up.

"I want to do it too," she whines.

Most of these are fantasy jobs. Keep in mind that I have no real idea of the work involved in these or any aptitude for most of them.

1. Professional Student - I can do this one well. It's fun to go to school. Deciding on a major is the hard part. I would be more than happy to go learn for the rest of my life.

2. Beautiful trophy wife to impotent old rich man. This is obviously a fantasy. I would have to do nothing but work out, go to spas and salons, attend parties and, of course, shop shop shop.

3. Voice of cartoon characters - I would love to go to work in my pajamas and do the voices of various cartoons. It's probably much more involved than that, I'm sure.

4. Photographer for the Chippendale swimsuit calendar. "You know, I didn't shoot it just right. Can you strike that pose one more time? Yeah, that's the one."

5. Librarian - Once again, I do not have the education or the know-how. I did work as an assistant to a school librarian once. I LOVED going to work. When I was a victim of budget cuts, I was truly depressed.

6. Person in charge of devising cruel and unusual punishments for child abusers - I wouldn't have to administer the punishments. I would only have to think them up and hire somebody very sadistic to administer them. Is anyone from Sadaam Hussein's former regime job hunting?

7. Cookbook recipe tester - I would like to cook up the recipes for the person writing the book so they could see if they were any good. Of course they would pay for all the ingredients AND I would get to keep the leftovers.

8. Celebrity stalker - I would skulk around with my camera and telephoto lens snapping unattractive pics of celebrities I didn't like. Then I would sell them to the tabloids. A picture of Tom Cruise cavorting with aliens would be a major coup.

9. PMS Reliever - Women with PMS would come to me. I would hand them out happy pills. The pills would give them boundless energy and put a smile on their face. I would be known as the "bitch whisperer."

10. Bakery owner - I would offer a large assortment of gluten, casein and peanut-free delights. Then people on this funky diet could take their kids out for a donut once in a while.

11. Oil Company Executive - Hey if somebody is going to get rich off raping the American public, it may as well be me!

Yeah, that was eleven. So sue me. :)

11 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

LOL...nice job list ;)

2:03 PM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

A photo of Tom with his new 'spawn' aka leader of the Scientology clan would get u lots of mula!! I'm sure...

3:56 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:11 PM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

HA! The Bitch Whisperer! That's a great one! Sign me up for those classes. And the pills.

Female Gigalo - or Trophy Wife. With my luck, the old dude would be addicted to Viagra. (LOL I typed Viagara, like the Falls)

I always think those Chippendale guys are gay. Anyone who spends that much time on body image can't be doing it for us girls. We prefer employed to Pumped up. Give me a man with a BIG
paycheck
and I'll smile all the way to the bank.
Amen to #6. Go medieval on their asses.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Thanks, Bearette.

Mary, Maybe "Suri" is a alien word for "Kill the Humans!"

5:19 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Vickee,

I had a gay friend in high school and he told me that most of the Chippendale dancers WERE gay. I'm not sure it that's true or he was fantasizing.

5:21 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

what vickee said - the bitch whisperer is PRICELESS.

6:28 PM  
Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

Who cares if their gay? They're still nice to look at... hehehe...

6:55 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Techie,

Nice new pic. I really need to change mine too.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

LOL!! "The bitch whisperer."

9:23 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

And I bet you'd be a great librarian!

9:24 AM  

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