Thursday, May 04, 2006

Can't Be Fixed

I am not prone to road rage, well not the kind where I do anything besides scream impotently in my car. But last week I had an incident that reminded me why I only scream in my car.

I was merging onto the freeway and the ass in the right lane sped up, basically making it so he would be in the same spot I was going to be in when I merged.

So I had to slow down and merge a good ten to fifteen miles slower than I would have. (Damn I wish I had a car with some cajones to blow peckerheads like that away.)

The left lane was empty and I was late so I swung into it. Mr. Ass immediately moved into the left lane and cut me off. But he put on his signal while he did it which apparently rendered it okay in his mind.

I call that the "Oh by the way" signal.

Now I was really freaking pissed. So I started tailgating him, not right on his ass but close enough to be rude.

He moved to the right lane for his exit. I had my middle finger locked and loaded.

As I moved next to him and looked over, my mind said, "UH OH."

But my hand, of its own volition, continued to rotate one-hundred eighty degrees with my finger pointing north.

Holy Moley, I had just flipped off Magilla Gorilla.

He had arms that looked like he benchpressed elephants for fun. They were covered with lots and lots of neanderthal-style hair.

He was glaring out his window at me like, "What's your problem, lady?"


Thankfully, he exited. I continued on while my heart slid from my throat back into my chest.

I'm not sure what in hell possessed me to drive that way, but I won't be doing it again, really.

The one bright spot of the whole thing was that I shook it off. But I think he was the type to be pissed about it ALL DAY LONG. Heh heh.
Another thing happened last week worth sharing. (or not)

I had to take my daughter "A" to her taekwondo lessons.

The parking lot was full so we had to park about six cars down on the side street.

As I was walking her to class, I noticed a little girl in a van. The windows were down and she was hanging out the driver's side window talking to whoever would listen. I didn't see an adult in the van.

I walked my daughter to class and came back. The girl was still hanging out the window. She asked me my son's name. I told her his name and I asked hers.

"My name is "A", she replied.

"That's just like my daughter's name," I said. "I love that name. It's very pretty."

She beamed. She was a beautiful little girl, probably about four years old.

I decided to buckle up in the van and wait to see if her parents came back soon. If it was more than five minutes, I was calling the police.

As I started to get in my van, her mother came back, and get this.


Why did she scold her? It was because she hadn't stayed hidden in the van.

Everybody knows it's perfectly okay to leave your small child unattended in the car as long as you tell them to stay hidden!

The motto of this story (stolen off a bumper sticker): You can't fix stupid.

Maybe that should be the motto to the first story too!


Blogger Chelle said...

OMG I so woulndt have even waited 5 mins before I called the cops!! They are so strict on that here in MIchigan after the 2 kids were left in the car, windows rolled up, in the dead of summer....and died.....while mom got her hair done!! Stupidity should be painful. She went to jail, pregnant with her 3rd baby. Bitch!! ugh

Good for you for flipping off magilla....though I can imagine you were shaking in your boots !! hehe I know I would have

11:17 AM  
Blogger nobody1001 said...

If you'd known, you would have called the cops anyway. If they do it once, they'll do it always.

Wouldn't it be nice if all stupid, malicious women were sterilized?

11:45 AM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

We have people in town who leave their kids in the car while they go into the bar to drink. I wonder if the mom knows how fast a little one can vanish. Stupid Cow

11:50 AM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

This is tres tres timely. It's the time of year when we are all beyond busy; end-of-school year, graduations, birthday parties, sports and dance lessons, registering for this and that for summer, summer shopping and then there's the regular stuff, the Errands of Life. Used to be, parents left their children in the car while they ran in to do this and that. Now we are all so paranoid, and just know that there are 50 perverts waiting in the wings to snatch our children, that we feel we are only Good Parents if we haul them in Every Single Place. Do I do it? Usually, but not if I'm parked in front of the shop, glass window between me and the car. Car locked. In sight. a 5 minute errand.

Used to be we played outside 'til dark - no skeeter repellant, no sunscreen. We rode our bikes without helmets, played dodge ball and Red Rover, and only a few of us suffered really bad injuries. Were some of my friends victimized as we ran around 'til dark? Possibly. Did it happen any more often than today? Possibly.

What I do know is that we live in a society of FEAR. The media portrays our world as a hideously unsafe place, terrorists lurking in every corner, Better Look Out. The reality? The world is no less safe than it ever was. It's always been a dangerous place - especially if you are female. The best we can do is raise our kids to listen to their guts, and to run like hell when their guts' radar says "Not Right!" Do I watch my kids like hawks? You betcha. Do I control every aspect of their lives? Absolutely. And I'm sad to choose to do it. But I listen to the Danger! hype, too. *sigh*

Okay hopping off my soapbox. I loved the Magilla Gorilla story - I was the Really Awful Driver in one incident (of many, I'm sure). 25+ years ago, I was rattled driving in a congested area, and cut off a speeding guy in a truck a couple of times. The guy in the truck pulled up beside us (it was the same friend I just went to Sonnenalp with, in fact!) and screamed at me. We both just stared at him, not saying anything. Then he pounded the snot out of his steering wheel and drove off. So it was doubly insulting; first I cut him off not once, but twice; then we looked at him Devoid Of Expression, like Stepford Wives, during his rant. Can you imagine how furious he remained during the entire day? My GF finally said "What WAS that guy's problem?!" and I said "Oh, I think I cut him off a couple of times." GF said "Well, BFD! Like he owns the road or something!" I said "No doubt!" and we kept driving. But she fastened her seatbelt.

Around here, we have alot of imported Engineers from Asia and India, and they drive HORRIBLY! Careening all over the road, sudden stops, zipping out in front of cars; really horrible stuff. I was with a Japanese GF driving someplace and got cut off to the point I had to swerve to avoid impact. My GF screamed "Oh, those terrible Asian drivers!" which made me roar with laughter - it took her a few seconds to get the point.

Get an Odyssey, other drivers will fear you - You have the speed and mass to own your space. ;)

Gosh, maybe I should go post on my own blog instead of writing a tome on yours...

11:56 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I'm always nervous about the idea of leaving my kids in the car. I panic when I park right next to the ATM and hop out to get cash. Is it illegal to leave your kids in the car? Should be. A 4 year old on top of it?? At least it isn't summer.
Sometimes your middle finger just gets the best of you. Can't blame you for that!

3:14 PM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

I just re-read this entire thing. And howled with laughter!

I frequently use the word Peckerhead. It's so much more refined that other choices. And your description of that ignoramus in the car! Exquisite!

And I didn't mean to get all preachy on your ass. I just miss the days of No Worries. Now we worry all the time. We worry about what we eat, what we aren't eating, what the kids are watching, who they are playing with, ACK here I go again.

*Slinking back into the Anxiety Hole I must've crawled out of today*

7:32 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...


I didn't think you were preachy. You brought up some good points. Now that we get news from anywhere as it is happening, it makes the world seem much scarier.

I think the world is more dangerous though because we have a greater population. That means an even larger number of criminals out there, in my mind anyway. And so many people are unwilling to get involved when they see something happening.

Now I am on my soapbox. :)

And if I am parking at the corner minit-mart, know exactly what I'm getting (say a candybar) and can see the van out the window and it is locked and it isn't hot out and I am checking it nervously every two seconds I will leave a sleeping kid. I have probably done it two or three times - BUT it makes me nervous as heck.

BTW did you like the big run-on sentence?

8:14 AM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

I always have road rage...last week I had road rage with a lady who was doing like 10mph in a 50mph zone..when I zoomed past her, to give her my dirty look,

I realized, it was my aunt, as she waved

As for stupid ass mom's...PR is full of em'...I've had my say or two in some situa's...but some asses won't ever learn.

8:54 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...


9:07 AM  

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