Road Trip - Part Two

We entered Lake Tahoe. It was amazingly quiet for Memorial Day weekend, probably because it was so darn cold.

We had been worried about finding a motel, but vacancy signs were all over the place. My teeth were floating and my eyes were yellow so I wasn't prepared to be too picky.

The requirements of my husband and kids are pool and hot tub. I saw one place with in-room hot tubs. That would have appealed to me as I won't wear a swimsuit in public. :D

But we kept driving on until we came to the motel we stayed at last time we were in Tahoe. My husband loves this place. My oldest daughter thought it was very nice too.

It's not a bad motel. I had a few complaints. My biggest complaint was the doors. They don't have the locks that are about five feet up - the ones that little hands can't reach. This means there is no way to keep my son locked in the room.

They also only supply two washclothes. So if the whole family wants to say, SHOWER, somebody has to go to the lobby for more.

The pillows are flatter than a house pet that tried to cross the road.

And the maid's attempts to make our motel room "homey" by leaving pubic hairs on the bathroom floor, were wasted on me. No pre-pubed floor, please.

I'm just saying.

Once we were in the room, the kids started running around and screeching like savages.

If you happen to be the unfortunate family next door to us, you will hear one of two things.

One of them is constant, uninterrupted screeching and thumping.

The other is screeching and thumping followed by me yelling, "CUT IT OUT!"

Then there is maybe three minutes of silence, if that, followed by screeching, thumping and me yelling yet again.

My kids are like a case of herpes. They might be subdued temporarily but then they flare right back up.

Yes, I just compared my children to venereal disease. Do you need my address so you can mail me the Good Housekeeping mothering skills seal of approval?

In summary, if you are in the motel room next to me, you pretty much hate me and my family. And I do apologize, because, believe me, if I could keep them quiet, I would.

We already avoid restaurants, movies and other public places but we have to leave the house sometime so as not to grow mold on our posteriors.

My husband and oldest daughter made a food run while I lured the savage beasts into the tub. That kept them quiet and the arrival of the food also worked wonders.

After eating, my husband and the girls went down to the hot tub. I managed to read for about three minutes, before boy child got turdy.

I took him down and sat to watch him. He decided he wanted to get in the hot tub with his Dad. I had forgotten his suit so I went back to the room.

Then I had to deal with THE KEY CARD. I hate the key card. You know how some people can't wear watches because they won't work?

I can't use a key card. I can slide it in the door seven ways from Sunday and it will never open. I can slide it in slow, fast, upside down, right side up, pointing towards the parking lot, pointing away from the parking lot, doesn't matter.

The SOB won't work. A pox on whoever invented the key card!

My oldest daughter came to help me and then decided to stay in the room. I went back down to the hot tub and helped with the little ones while my oldest daughter had a bath. A BATH! That's one of those things that people without kids take for granted.

After kids, it becomes an exercise in futility. Even if your belly will still fit under the water, someone is pounding on the door the whole time.

We went back to the room when my son decided it was time to pull down his suit and pee. I caught him in time and hurried him back to the room.

Then the two girls and my husband tried to watch TV while I tried to read.

The boy ran around the motel room alternately shutting off my reading light, closing the armoire doors in front of the TV, running water in the sink and opening and shutting the blasted door.

We slid a table in front of the door but reading and TV watching went out the window.

Since it was almost ten, I suggested we all just go to sleep.

We turned out the lights and then somebody showed up with their kids. They were letting their kids run up and down the hallways with rolling suitcases and they kept slamming the door to their room.

Or hey, maybe they had been napping when we showed up and they were just waiting for the lights to go out so they could return the favor.

When my son woke up later at two-thirty a.m., I was wishing I knew where their room was so I could run down the hall, pound on their door screeching and then slip back in my room.

This plan involved my husband holding the door open for me since I CAN'T USE THE KEY CARD!

The next morning my husband went to the free continental breakfast to grab some stuff for the family. Anywhere in America where you can get free food resembles a cattle stampede. It was no different there.

We drove home after I packed us up. We didn't do anything but go home because my husband and oldest daughter didn't think to pack a jacket. Sigh.

Still, it was nice to get out of the house, and we went home the short way. We were only on the road an hour and a half. Phew.

I'm glad it's over.