Why I Don't Do Politics

The news has been full of the illegal alien vs. U.S. conflict lately. There seems to be no solution that will satisfy everybody.

The U.S. offers jobs. Mexico doesn't. Of course people will do what they can to get here.

But there are also people waiting to get here legally. If people that have been here illegally are given amnesty, that pushes back the wait time for people that have been waiting years to get in.

So I can see both sides. And I believe I have the answer.

(Note: The following is tongue in cheek and not meant to offend anybody.)

Maybe Mexico has something to offer the U.S. - like land! I know California real estate is in enough demand that it is outrageously priced.

Maybe we could merge with Mexico!

It could become part of the U.S.

We could rename it "Old Mexico" or "Mexicus" or "New California."

Before we fix it up, people could rush in and buy some cheap real estate, maybe on the beach!

Vicente Fox wouldn't relish giving up the title of president, so he could become the governor of Mexicus.

We're the U.S. We know what's right for everybody. There are many ways we could "fix" Mexicus.

Deforestation is a big problem in Mexico. Julia "Butterfly" Hill and her ilk could go live in the trees to prevent them from being cut down. Some more environmentalists could plant new trees while the others protect the old ones.

We would have to fix the sewer/water problems. All the Americans that say, "The Mexicans took my job," would be in charge of this. It would behoove us to fix the sewer system. When poop from Mexico flows into the ocean, I'm pretty sure it doesn't stop at the California border.

Developers could build "quaint" villages with adobe style houses. CCR's would be strictly enforced so that houses could only be painted pink, green or orange. The villages would also be gated communities with their owns schools nearby so the rich people could get the "feel" for Mexicus without ever leaving home. The taxes they would pay would help pump up the economy.

People who have moved to Mexicus could learn to slow the pace of their lives and embrace the siesta. The government would do studies and conclude that the heart attack rates are lower in Mexicus.

Retirees would flood the state. The streets in Florida would become safer to drive.

Prisoners jailed in Mexico would gain the right to sue if their sandwich wasn't cut in perfect triangles.

All legal documents for the state would be printed in English and Spanish just like it is currently done in California.

Native people from Mexicus would read "help wanted" ads in the paper. As they read through each job offering they would say, (in Spanish) "I can do that and that and that. When they got to the last line of each ad and read "bilingual required", they would exclaim, "Oh shit" in Spanish.

Smog check programs would be put in place to cut down on the air pollution. The demand for mechanics would explode.

The minutemen wouldn't be out of a job. They could patrol the southern border of Mexicus to make sure none of those blasted Guatamalans are sneaking in.

What a perfect solution to all our problems. Now if President Bush would quit marking my letters "Return to Sender."