You Know You're A Redneck When...

I had a fun time observing the dogs Friday. Mandy is out of "receptive" mode, at least I think so.

She and Boots went in the back yard together. He kept sniffing her and trying to "assume the position." She kept running off leaving him in a state of perpetual frustration.

And I laughed. It takes pitifully little to entertain me.

I hope the joke isn't on me in two months when a litter of unplanned puppies springs forth.
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My prescription nasal spray is called Astelin.

The doctor gave me a sample and told me to use it twice a day.

I didn't read the package insert. Yeah, I'm brilliant I know.

I sniffed the stuff up my nose hardily. It felt like an ice pick was stabbing me in the eye.

Then I read the instructions. You are supposed to tip your head forward and sniff GENTLY.

Sometimes I still forget and do the Hoover sniff. Argh, my eyes!
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My daughter's body and mine have aligned so that we both start "that time" of the month on the same day.

This results in two weeks out of the month where we are the doublebitch twins.

I told her we are aligned, like the planets. Then I said -

"I'll be Jupiter. You can be Uranus."

Then I cackled hysterically while she wore her long suffering look.

I had an astronomy teacher in college who pronounced the name of this planet "Yer-uh-nus."

That's because he didn't want morons like me snickering in the back row.
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Joke had a quiz on his blog that determined your brand of humor.

Would anyone be surprised that I received idiot savant?