Friday, August 18, 2006

Every Woman's Dream

This was in the strange news section of Comcast. These aren't my words. It's a copy and paste.

KENOSHA, Wisconsin - A 21-year-old man was trapped in a tank of chocolate for about two hours early Friday, police said.

Capt. Randy Berner said the worker said he got into the tank at the Debelis Corp. to unplug it and became trapped waist-deep in the chocolate.

"It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," Berner said, and co-workers, police and firefighters were not able to get him out until the chocolate could be thinned out.

"It's the first time I've ever heard of anything like this," the police captain said.

The worker said his ankles were sore after the incident, and he was taken to a hospital for treatment of minor injuries, Berner said.

Now for my words. I would have eaten my way out. Mmmmmmm, chocolate.
A man pulled out in front of me as I was driving yesterday.

I smiled and waved at him as if he were my long-lost cousin Cleetis from Hicksville, USA.

He looked more confused than President Bush trying to do a first-grade math problem.

It was actually MORE satisfying than flipping somebody off. Try it sometime.
There was more grocery store drama today, not mine.

A lady was in line waiting to check out. Another lady got behind her and said, "I was actually in this line first. I went over there to the other checker, but I didn't realize he was closed."

Translation - "The grass looked greener over there and I left my spot, therefore freeing it up for you. Maybe if I'm pushy enough you'll give it back."

The lady who had entered the vacated spot merely said, "I'm sorry."

Good for her.

As my Dad says, "Move your feet and lose your seat."

This was many times accompanied by the takeover of the living room chair you had vacated to use the bathroom.


Blogger Paula said...

Yeah, I like the old Kill 'Em With Kindness routine. The confusion on their faces as the brain short-circuits is a beautiful thing.

7:06 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

she needed a partner to pull that off. there was an elderly couple in front of me at Whole Foods...the husband stood in one line, empty-handed. The wife stood in another with their cart. The husband's line was moving faster, so the wife stepped over to him, cutting in front of everybody else. It was irritating, but kind of clever,

8:13 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

That happened to me once.
She left her basket there though then took off without a word to anyone. I moved forward thinking she had gone and had already put half of our stuff up by the time she came back, expecting me to let her in.
What did she expect me to do,stand there for five full mins and wait for her to come back?? I don't think so chicky!
She wasn't too impressed but when I gave her my EVIL DEATH STARE she shut the F up and backed off heh.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

We always used to yell "Seat backs!" whenever one of us got up to use the bathroom or get something from the kitchen. If you didn't, you were likely to lose your seat, especially if you had the coveted reclining armchair.

The competition was brutal.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

One man's hell is another woman's heaven. My heaven too...who wouldn't want to be trapped in a big vat of chocolate?

8:03 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

I heard the FDA made chocolate a food group all by itself.

Thanks for dropping by "To Love, Honor and Dismay" today and for leaving such an insightful comment.

All the best,

8:25 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Wouldnt that be heaven being stuck in a vat of chocolate.

5:20 PM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

Remember the old Smother's Brothers song "I fell in a vat of chocolate. The crux was "what'd you do when you fell into the chocolate?" Answer " I yelled FIRE when I fell into the chocolate, la de do dum la de do dum day" Reason? "Cause nobody would help me if I yelled CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In line at the $ store on my lunch hour the other day a woman about 3 people behind me kept yelling "is there anyone else who can open a register. My mother has a bad back. I looked at the clerk and said sweetly "I would have let my mom wait for me in the car".

6:24 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

PJ - I'll be trying it more often.

Bearette - That's like false advertising. You think your line is only so many groceries long, then gack!

Ms. L. - I would love to see your EVIL DEATH STARE, but not be the recipient.

Liz - Your family sounds like mine.

Kristin - Put on Oprah and stick me in a vat of chocolate and that makes me an official housewife right? At least that's what I used to think SAHM's did, big sucker me.

Andrew - I need to link you.

Lori - Welcome back!

Mad Rabbit - I've never heard that song. Did Fred Flinstone listen to it? Heh heh heh.

7:52 PM  

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