Road Trip
My Mom broke, well shattered, her leg in the spring of 2005.
She was clearing what she thought were empty bird nests off her patio using a broom and a step stool. One nest started falling at her head and it wasn't empty. She got startled and fell off her stepping stool, and the rest is a history of pain, surgery, physical therapy and more pain.
Birds are no longer one of her favorite animals so a parakeet for Christmas is out. Boo.
She had her second surgery on her leg recently. My grandmother flew out from Maine to help around the house. She is 77 years old and I know I'm lucky to have a surviving grandparent at my age.
So we have visited my Mom's house a few times in the last couple of months. It is a 4 1/2 hour drive so we don't go that way much, usually only about twice a year.
We drove down Thursday night. I stupidly started my trip with a water bottle. File it under the heading of, "What was I thinking?"
About an hour and a half into the trip, my teeth started floating so we found a rest area. There were a few odd looking maintenance men walking around slowly outside.
I used the bathroom and then my teen daughter went.
When she came back she asked me why the FBI was at the rest area.
I had missed the letters "FBI" on those maintenance men's chests.
I'm glad we arrived AFTER whatever had happened. I'm also glad I've never had to be an eyewitness. I would be worse than useless.
We made a second stop on our trip for gas and fast food.
We made a third stop when SJ said from the back, "Poopins."
It was actually tinkles, but he had had a diaper blowout and his carseat was soaked. I cleaned it with baby wipes and put paper towels on the wet spot so it wouldn't soak through to his butt.
He used the rest of the trip to pull the urine-scented paper towels out from under his butt and then fling them at me. Who needs a monkey when you have SJ?
During this visit, I realized that XM radio would be a necessity if I lived in this area.
My Mom wanted photos done with all the kids in it. Less than two hours before the photos, she let me know that my Grandma wanted me in them.
So I rushed out to buy a red sweater. I must have tried on every freakin' red sweater in Mervyns. Finally, I dashed home with about seven minutes to do hair and make-up.
Only my Grandma had just washed her hair. So first I blow-dried and styled it for her. I wish I'd had more time for it.
Then I changed my clothes, touched up my make-up, brushed my hair and borrowed some of my Mom's Aqua-Net. I didn't even know Aqua-Net was made after the eighties.
My parents had already left with the grandkids.
My Gran and I hurried out the door. I still only had one shoe half on.
The photographer didn't know what she was doing. (Wal-mart)
When she got done taking the world's crappiest photos, we got to preview them on the world's crappiest computer. It was SLOW.
I half-jokingly suggested it had a 286 motherboard and she looked at me blankly. Did I mention she was smart too and she had the personality of a house plant?
At least if I come out ugly, I can blame it on her.
She was clearing what she thought were empty bird nests off her patio using a broom and a step stool. One nest started falling at her head and it wasn't empty. She got startled and fell off her stepping stool, and the rest is a history of pain, surgery, physical therapy and more pain.
Birds are no longer one of her favorite animals so a parakeet for Christmas is out. Boo.
She had her second surgery on her leg recently. My grandmother flew out from Maine to help around the house. She is 77 years old and I know I'm lucky to have a surviving grandparent at my age.
So we have visited my Mom's house a few times in the last couple of months. It is a 4 1/2 hour drive so we don't go that way much, usually only about twice a year.
We drove down Thursday night. I stupidly started my trip with a water bottle. File it under the heading of, "What was I thinking?"
About an hour and a half into the trip, my teeth started floating so we found a rest area. There were a few odd looking maintenance men walking around slowly outside.
I used the bathroom and then my teen daughter went.
When she came back she asked me why the FBI was at the rest area.
I had missed the letters "FBI" on those maintenance men's chests.
I'm glad we arrived AFTER whatever had happened. I'm also glad I've never had to be an eyewitness. I would be worse than useless.
We made a second stop on our trip for gas and fast food.
We made a third stop when SJ said from the back, "Poopins."
It was actually tinkles, but he had had a diaper blowout and his carseat was soaked. I cleaned it with baby wipes and put paper towels on the wet spot so it wouldn't soak through to his butt.
He used the rest of the trip to pull the urine-scented paper towels out from under his butt and then fling them at me. Who needs a monkey when you have SJ?
During this visit, I realized that XM radio would be a necessity if I lived in this area.
My Mom wanted photos done with all the kids in it. Less than two hours before the photos, she let me know that my Grandma wanted me in them.
So I rushed out to buy a red sweater. I must have tried on every freakin' red sweater in Mervyns. Finally, I dashed home with about seven minutes to do hair and make-up.
Only my Grandma had just washed her hair. So first I blow-dried and styled it for her. I wish I'd had more time for it.
Then I changed my clothes, touched up my make-up, brushed my hair and borrowed some of my Mom's Aqua-Net. I didn't even know Aqua-Net was made after the eighties.
My parents had already left with the grandkids.
My Gran and I hurried out the door. I still only had one shoe half on.
The photographer didn't know what she was doing. (Wal-mart)
When she got done taking the world's crappiest photos, we got to preview them on the world's crappiest computer. It was SLOW.
I half-jokingly suggested it had a 286 motherboard and she looked at me blankly. Did I mention she was smart too and she had the personality of a house plant?
At least if I come out ugly, I can blame it on her.
posted by Caro at 11:58 AM
14 Comments:
C, i have to admit i don't know what a 286 motherboard is either. but hopefully i have more personality than a house plant ;)
ours is named bob.
Bearette-
You've officially confirmed it then. My husband has turned me into a dork. (the whole motherboard thing.) Basically, a 286 motherboard is one of the old motherboards from the first PC's. So they ran very slowly.
And I'm thinking Bob has more personality than our photographer. Maybe I shouldn't insult houseplants!
Ha! She sounds loverly;p
I love how you didn't notice the FBI letters on their jackets.
That is something I would do,actually I did something similar but it involved the cops.
Oops.
We would all die or kill it each other if we didn't haveour Sirius radio on road trips!
Aqua-Net I want some LOL.
I bet you looked beautiful in your red sweater.
Your grandma is three years younger than my mom.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hey, Aqua Net and a lighter and you've got yerself a blowtorch.
I remember computers when they were JUST mainframes. Big as two rooms, everything was reel-to-reel. PCs? That meant Politically Correct. The fancy schmancy oil company I worked at changed all the bookkeeping to computers, and nobody trusted it - we still wrote everything out!
I entered into a drawing in the mid 80's and all I could remember was that it was something with initials. So, of course it HAD to be a PC, right? They announced I'd won on the radio and my little sister and her friends heard it at school. She tried to call me, and finally the nuns got through to my mother, who finally got through to me. I yelled "I HAVE WON A PC!" which my mother relayed to the school, and then 45 people got all excited about My Future Computer.
I show up at the radio station located downtown (A BITCH to park), tromp upstairs and give my name to the receptionist. She comes out with
One
Skinny
Box
I say "Where's the rest of it?"
She says "This is it. A CD player! Brand new!"
I say "Oh, I don't want that. I want a PC."
She says "Well yeah! You and every other friggin' monkey on this planet! You WON a $250 CD player. Not a $3,000 PC, Okay? HERE!"
I was absolutely pissed!
Then it cost me a fortune to buy CDs over the next few years.
But I woulda noticed the big FBI on their coats. If they would have said they were FBI, nah; that I would never remember. Me, SJ and my youngest - all visual, all the time. The ears? Not working so good.
Boredom has a rough time finding you, huh?
-J.
Hey, take one of those posts out! I swear - it made me do it!
Aqua Net lives on, huh? I'll probably get lung cancer one day from all the fumes I inhaled in junior high...
"He used the rest of the trip to pull the urine-scented paper towels out from under his butt and then fling them at me."
Carolyn, I swear- you definitely work harder than I do. :)
I have that line from Madagascar running through my head:
"What? Well of COURSE we're going to throw poo at them!"
Ms. L - I'm glad that I'm not the only one who is super observant. :)
Lori - Thank you. And I hate to admit it, but the Aqua Net worked better than my usual hair spray.
Paula - So your Mom must have had you when she was 45?
MsCellania - I've done the blowtorch thing before. :P I'd have been pissed at the radio station too.
Joke - When my kids tell me they're bored, I tell them it's a luxury to be bored.
MsCellania - Post removed. :P
Liz - Did you your hair out and spray it, then rat it some more? I could never get mine big enough!
Bec - Thank goodness it wasn't poo. The urine reeked bad enough.
And did I mention what a sweet and caring granddaughter you are? And how lucky you are to still have a gramma?
Oh, and my husband says to tell you the first computer he saw was a 6800 something or other. Let's just SEE how much of a computer nerd you are...
Long time no see. Sorry about that...
I finally have the interweb again at home, thank goodness - but have moved to a new town, in fact back to my home town and.. Started a new blog.
http://thebingocalleroflove.blogspot.com/
Stop by, dagnabbit!
bd
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