Sunday, January 28, 2007

It's Been A While

Ha, the title of this post makes me think of a song by Staind, at least I think it's by Staind.

I navigated to Napster this week for the first time in my life. It looks as if you can join for 10.00 a month, excuse me 9.99 and get unlimited downloads. I'm not sure how it works.

Otherwise you pay 1.00, excuse me .99 per download.

But wait, you could listen to songs online at Napster FOR FREE.

My inner cheap-ass was intrigued. Couldn't I just listen to a song until I got sick of it? This is assuming the radio station hadn't already peformed that service for me like they did with the last Green Day hit.

So I played the song I liked. Then I played it again. Then I tried to play it again and I couldn't. The bastards! They had anticipated people like me.

So I begrudgingly paid 3.00, excuse me 2.97, to download three songs.

I downloaded Through Glass, by Stone Sour. Then since the word "glass" was on my mind, I downloaded Heart of Glass by Blondie. Then I started thinking about an old Billy Joel album called Glass Houses, but I downloaded Fergelicious instead.

On a side note, my favorite "ice cream" is Soy Delicious. Fergie should be hawking it. She could sing "It's Soy Delicious!"

But then maybe all the young people would buy it up and geezers like me couldn't find it. So nix that thought.
When "J" moved out, she took her PS2 with her.

Santa missed that memo and gave "A" three games for Christmas. In order for her to play those games, we needed a new PS2.

A new one is around one-hundred thirty dollars. A used one is around eighty dollars.

If a used one had been around sixty-dollars, I would have purchased used.

But a fifty dollar difference isn't enough of a price difference to induce my inner cheap-ass to buy a piece of electronic equipment without a warranty.

I checked Game Crazy in town. They were out of new ones. I checked Kmart. They were out too. That left, dum dum dum, WAL-MART!

I haven't been to Wal-mart in months. If I need cheap toilet paper, Kmart is right down the road. They're never crowded because most people go to Wal-mart.

Now I was faced with going to Wal-mart ON A SATURDAY!


I think Wal-mart pays people to come in their store and act like morons. This is the top-secret swearing-in process.

"I, Ima B Yotch, do solemnly swear to uphold the Walmart rules of conduct. I will park my cart on the right side of the aisle and block the left side of the aisle with my overstuffed body. I will project an air of bewilderment as I gaze at all the different kinds of sanitary products. I will pretend not to notice all the people waiting impatiently behind me trying to pass. I will stand in at least each spot for ten minutes, only moving when the aisle is empty because everyone has given up trying to get through. I will then go block another aisle. Periodically, I will scratch my polyester-clad backside."

If Walmart is the indication of how the average American acts, is it any wonder we are hated far and wide?

So I did get my PS2. The electronics section looked like a movie representation of the floor of the New York Stock Exchange only everybody was dressed poorly. I probably fit right in.

I felt guilty using the credit card as I had sworn NO MORE, but the tax refund is coming soon, so hey.

Mission accompished, I headed out the door. But I held on to my receipt because I knew what was going to happen.

Sure enough, the alarm went off. I pulled out the receipt to show to the octogenarian at the door. I left the store being careful to dodge the Indie 500 drivers in the parking lot.

"A" has been enjoying herself immensely, with one exception. She came up to me crying because she forgot to save her Spyro game before she pulled the disc out. Life is so unfair, isn't it?


Blogger My float said...

Life is tough without your playstation, isn't it! (Hey, sounds like a catchy slogan!)

What is it about Wal-Mart that makes people act like that? It sounds as though your Wal-Mart is the equivalent to our KMart. Everyone is mad as cut snakes, and searching for the bargain of the century!

12:49 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

You're a good mom.

Wal-Mart reaches far and wide...I think they must have trained most people on the New York subway and sidewalks, too!

"Um, I'm going to stand here and maybe shuffle from foot to foot, oblivious to the people who are trying to pass me."

12:59 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

My Float - I never heard that expression, mad as cut snakes. I like it.

Bearette - And you have to use the Subway every day, huh? It's not a choice like Walmart.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

I love it! You definitely have Walmart pegged! Of course I still shop there, but not too often. I guess I can be considered a "walmartian"

6:24 PM  
Blogger Stomper Girl said...

Clearly if I ever visit the States again a visit to Wal-mart will be in order! But first I will remind myself to read posts like yours so I'll think it's funny, not infuriating

11:44 PM  
Blogger CheerleadingTechie said...

Dear bloggers, for those interested, I'd appreciate your help in circulating the following information:
I will, soon, be offering classes in:
Wal*Mart Etiquette:
~Aisle Etiquette: How to shop without blocking the entire aisle and when to kindly move over when you must block the entire aisle.

~Walking Pace Etiquette- the right and wrong browsing paces, as well as learning to shop as if, like me, you fly in and out of the store as if you've used a tracking device to locate said item.

In the works: Online shopping (The better way to do it.) And Parking Lot Etiquette (How to get in and out quickly without running over your best friends, uncles, sister's, nephews, cats, owners, landlords, grandsons, wife.)

Thank You, and have a nice day.

11:54 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Ima B Yotch must have several sisters living in the DC area.

DC folks love to complain about people who don't observe the "walk to the left, stand to the right" rule on Metro escalators. How can that pair of tourists on this VERY LONG escalator NOT NOTICE that for miles ahead, EVERY OTHER PERSON IS STANDING TO THE RIGHT?

I think there must be some kind of Totally Oblivious Plus pill that some people take each morning, especially when they're planning to shop at Wal-Mart or use public transportation.

6:25 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Bookworm - I might shop there more if I could make it by seven in the morning before the pod people emerge from their lairs.

Stomper Girl - There's no help for it. You'll still end up irritated. :)

Techie - I FORGOT about the walking paces. Some of those people are so slow I wish there were passing lanes.

Liz - It sounds like you and Bearette have some of the same people in your towns.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot about the people who take five or six kids that they don't bother to control or about the sick child who sould be home crying in the cart.
And all of them are spreading germs while they fondle all the candy, etc. that their parents are not going to pay for.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Anonymous - Eww, now I feel that I should buy the big bags of packaged candy and sterilize the outside first!

11:38 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

Hee Hee Oh I was laughing at the vision of that Wal-Mart shopper scratching her polyester clad backside.
Don't feel too bad,us Canadians(as in the rest of them but NEVER me) act much the same in our Wal-Marts.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I am sure I am one among the assholes as Walmart that you are talking about. My kids are always screaming and I am walking around in a haze. Thank god I don't wear polyester pants.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Ms. L. - I, for one, scratch my sweat pant-clad backside. LOL

Ginger's Mom - My kids scream a lot too. I get evil looks all the time. I'm talking about the people who KNOW you are standing there and pretend not to see you. I'm not a small woman. I know they see me.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Yes that is a Staind song and a good one too. ;)

As far as Wal-Mart goes, my love tells every time we walk in to relax we are only there to shop cause I have had several *incidents* that has led me to lose my temper and get into *arguements* with employees and customers so I have renamed it I know call it Wal-Hell.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

Walmart is like Hell over here..Only one in my area and I have solemnly sworn not to go near it...

But alas, sometimes we must go through the gates of Hell and restrain ourselves from kicking the living *&^ out of the lady on her cell phone yapping away at the cash register...who then decides she wants to pay in change, so our kids can play Spyro ...

Just make sure that next year Santa gets all appropiate memos..

9:13 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

LOL you always make me smile with your posts. I think I must be the only one in the world who actually doesnt' MIND going to Maybe cause I like to scratch my polyesther clad backside and bock the aisles?? LOL

10:20 AM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

I like the new Look!

Hate hate hate WallyWorld. Only go in when absolutely desperate, and the thing is almost in walking distance. I would rather drive to TarJay. And pay more. That's how much I hate WM. I have see more parents whupping on their kids in that place than any other place on the planet.

And I had to laugh about the Who's Not Commenting post! I do that, too.

7:35 PM  

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