Saturday, January 06, 2007

A Meeting of TPA (Toilet Paperholics Anonymous)

"Good evening everyone, My name is Cecil."


"I am a toilet paperholic. Let me tell my story."

"It started innocently enough. Somebody threw a piece of toilet paper at the trash and missed. It was just sitting there on the floor. I didn't think there could be any harm in one little nibble."

"I was wrong. It was so good. I loved the way it felt in my mouth and the taste as it slid down my throat. Soon I was stealing toilet paper out of the trash can. I couldn't get enough!"

"My humans caught me and they put the trash can on the counter where I couldn't reach it. What was I going to do?"

"Then I saw IT! It was hanging on the wall, A WHOLE ROLL, just hanging there. It was even better than the crumbled stuff. It was pure, man, pure!"

"That's right, I was chewing paper RIGHT OFF THE ROLL! I would do anything for my fix. That's why I'm here. I'm so ashamed, so ashamed."

(Note from human living in the house: When you go to use the toilet paper and there are bite marks in it, that's just wrong.)
So last week was a lot crazy and this coming week will be too.

For J to start in her new high school Monday, she has to have her shot records, official transcripts, certified birth certificate and the drop paper from her old high school.

She starts Monday. I found this out Thursday and the mail takes two days to get from here to there.

I had already left a voice mail with her high school that she was dropping and I would be down. I went down and filled out one small paper that said she was dropping.

Now her old HS can mail the transcripts to her new HS when they request them.

I dug and dug and dug some more and found her shot records BUT NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

The last time we had it was in May for her driver's permit. I have torn this house up and looked in every crevice and cranny. I CAN NOT find it.

I copied the shot records and mailed them to her along with the business card of the contact at her old school. I had to check three places before I found a working copy machine.

All of this took up a whole morning, my time that I usually use for my regular errands because SJ is at school.

Now here is the part where you will realize how naive and stupid I am.

I stupidly assumed that since she was transferring from a CA high school TO a CA high school, that she wouldn't need all this stuff.

I can see if we were leaving the state, but my God, can't these people share records?

What a pain in the arse.

I also sent her Dad her new insurance card, the list of some doctors in his city and the information on our co-pays.

She needed contact lenses. I had to order those from her eye doctor here.

Her Dad has to find her an eye doctor and pediatrician in his town.

He's not even sure what high school he is sending her to.


He doesn't have a landline in his house. I can rarely get her on her cell phone. ACK!

I miss her too, not the times when she was being mean, but HER.
Last night I had a dream that I was climbing the stairs in my childhood house.

Only in the dream, they were kind of like those long bridges that you see in movies, the ones that go across canyons in the middle of nowhere.

I made it to the top and the stairs/bridge broke so I was dangling yelling for help. Somebody came and gave me a chair so I could step down instead of falling.

Then some show-off guy told me that he could just pull himself up to the top, and he did.

Dream analysis anyone?

All I can think is that the bridge represents my life which is going to crap.

Maybe the guy with the ability to pull himself up means that if I want to pull myself up, I need to become more like a guy.

So I am going to be shaving my face every day and also start peeing standing up.

Whatchya think?
Today, I spent the majority of the day cleaning my bedroom.

The sheets are changed. The surfaces, most of them anyway, are dusted.

The floor is vacuumed. I did about four loads of laundry, washed and dried, not folded and put away.

It looks great.

I should feel a sense of accomplishement, but all I can really think is that it will look the same in a week.

Housework sucks. It truly does. Sigh.
SJ's teacher received a grant for some of the kids at his pre-school. He now goes to the next door kid's gym every Wednesday morning for his occupational therapy.

I go to help out. I help mostly with him, but with some of the other kids too.

He loves it. How often is something fun AND good for you?

Not much is coming to my mind, unless you're one of those people who enjoys exercise. Freaks, all of you! Yeah, I'm kidding. I'm just jealous.


Blogger Paula said...

Does her old school have a copy of her birth certificate?

I think you just feel over-whelmed and maybe someone bringing the chair means you should ask for help instead of doing it all yourself.

I also think if you are missing her she is missing you too.

Be sweet to yourself Carolyn.

5:59 PM  
Blogger YoMomma203 said...

Maybe her grade school would have a copy if they kept the records. We've been in this district almost eight years.

I like your analysis of the dream. I didn't think of that.

Regarding being sweet, maybe I'll go take a bath. Sounds like a thought.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The old school having a copy of her birth certificate isn't going to cut it. Don't they need a certified copy at the new school? Call the clerk of the Court in the County in which she was born. The County should have the original birth cert on record, and they will certify it for you and mail it to you for $5-$10.
They can't hold her out of school for lack of a certified copy of her birth certificate. but they will white until they get it. You may want to email the County requesting the certified copy of the birth cert and cc the school so there's a paper trail.
Too funny about Cecil - the tp hound! He must be going through the terrible 2's.
That Dream? The Bridge of Uncertainy about your daughter. That douchebag who just pulled himself to the top? Her Dad - not going through the steps it takes to parent, just jumping in and taking over (not his fault, but still). Yes, you're making great analogies in your dreams.
Did you check your car insurance file for a copy of that birth certificate? Or your fire safe in the house?

7:46 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

it sounds like a stress dream to me. the cecil part is awesome. my childhood dog loved floss.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Joke said...

I'll ruminate on that dream thing.


9:13 PM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

I hope that US birth certificates don't resemble toilet paper...or Cecil is going to be in big trouble ;)

4:12 AM  
Blogger badgerdaddy said...

Yes, you'd have to check Cecil's hot poopins!

Does sound like you've got a lot on at the moment. I don't really know what to say! Well, write.

Except that I did get a great, simple WV for this comment: wpkpn

5:22 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Alex used to run to the toilet paper roll and gently place his teeth on it, then look over at me to see what I would do.

It took every bit of my willpower not to laugh out loud. :)

I agree with Paula's dream analysis. And the show-off-- is there someone in your life who seems to have it all together? And maybe rubs it in?

8:43 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Anonymous - I made you up a bed next to my nightstand. Come on over.

Bearette - Yes, I've been just a teensy bit stressed.

Joke - Last night's dream was even better. If you ruminated on that, your head might explode. :D

Vernicious - Hee hee. I liked that.

Badgerdaddy - You made me LOL. Last time Cecil had hot poopins, we took him to the vet. It was worms.

Liz - No show offs that I know of. But it is hard not to laugh when Cecil does something he shouldn't and it's funny. I don't always succeed.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

No wonder you are stressed! You have a lot on your plate. If the county does not have the birth certificate, then the vital records office for the state where she was born will. I think just about all of them have an "I need it now" option, but you pay more. And I think anonymous is right. They won't keep her out of school for the birth certificate. I have notarized statements for parents of students entering my county's schools because the birth certificate has been misplaced. Maybe the new school has that option too. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Sarah Louise said...

I love the TPA meeting!

I hope you have found birth certificate or found a way to get to it.

I have been having some pretty intense dreams lately too--I think it's definately the stress. I like Paula's analysis too.

Sending good thoughts your way. Does your daughter email?

7:00 PM  
Blogger My float said...

Yeah, maybe not peeing standing up. So unattractive in a "lady" :)

It's interesting that in the dream, someone came to help you. That's a very good sign. It's not like you fell and crashed.

I feel for you with your daughter. You must miss her dreadfully. Lots of hugs.

1:14 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Hi Cecil,
My name is Chico Loco and I well lets just say I have to go to Crayon Anonymous because I cannot be left alone with them they are so darn addicting, so I understand what you are going thru with the whole TP thing. :)

4:07 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

We are kindred spirits I tell you. Housework...ick. My laundry is NEVER put away. Until we all have nothing left to wear and I have to wash all the dirty stuff and put the unfolded clean stuff away to make room for newly washed clothes that will then sit there for a week. I don't know where my vacuum is...
Exercise. What?

6:55 PM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

LOL,me too,jealous!

Cecil sounds like a cute little bugger.
My cats used to do the same thing.
Oooh it made me laugh and laugh and laugh to come home and find the entire roll,all ripped up on the floor,lol
What can I say I was 20. Things like that are funny at 20;p

1:07 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Bookworm - Thanks for the info. The ex finally got it and groaned about the fourteen dollar charge.

SL - She and I have been e-mailing through my space.

Lori - Crayons are so yummy and waxy. How can a dog resist?

Ginger's Mom - I despise laundry.

Ms. L. - I know what you mean. My sense of humor has changed a lot as I age.

5:37 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

housework is useless. go soak in atub full of Cookie Monster bubble bath; you will feel better.

also, all this paperwork for school; honest to god, sometimes i wonder if they think he's not really mine, as if I would keep him around if he weren't.

6:38 PM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

I know this will sound silly, but since K lives in the County where J was born, couldn't he be responsible enough to take care of that little thing?????? He might as well start somewhere.

3:28 PM  
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