A Meeting of TPA (Toilet Paperholics Anonymous)

"Good evening everyone, My name is Cecil."

"HELLO, CECIL."

"I am a toilet paperholic. Let me tell my story."

"It started innocently enough. Somebody threw a piece of toilet paper at the trash and missed. It was just sitting there on the floor. I didn't think there could be any harm in one little nibble."

"I was wrong. It was so good. I loved the way it felt in my mouth and the taste as it slid down my throat. Soon I was stealing toilet paper out of the trash can. I couldn't get enough!"

"My humans caught me and they put the trash can on the counter where I couldn't reach it. What was I going to do?"

"Then I saw IT! It was hanging on the wall, A WHOLE ROLL, just hanging there. It was even better than the crumbled stuff. It was pure, man, pure!"

"That's right, I was chewing paper RIGHT OFF THE ROLL! I would do anything for my fix. That's why I'm here. I'm so ashamed, so ashamed."

(Note from human living in the house: When you go to use the toilet paper and there are bite marks in it, that's just wrong.)
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So last week was a lot crazy and this coming week will be too.

For J to start in her new high school Monday, she has to have her shot records, official transcripts, certified birth certificate and the drop paper from her old high school.

She starts Monday. I found this out Thursday and the mail takes two days to get from here to there.

I had already left a voice mail with her high school that she was dropping and I would be down. I went down and filled out one small paper that said she was dropping.

Now her old HS can mail the transcripts to her new HS when they request them.

I dug and dug and dug some more and found her shot records BUT NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

The last time we had it was in May for her driver's permit. I have torn this house up and looked in every crevice and cranny. I CAN NOT find it.

I copied the shot records and mailed them to her along with the business card of the contact at her old school. I had to check three places before I found a working copy machine.

All of this took up a whole morning, my time that I usually use for my regular errands because SJ is at school.

Now here is the part where you will realize how naive and stupid I am.

I stupidly assumed that since she was transferring from a CA high school TO a CA high school, that she wouldn't need all this stuff.

I can see if we were leaving the state, but my God, can't these people share records?

What a pain in the arse.

I also sent her Dad her new insurance card, the list of some doctors in his city and the information on our co-pays.

She needed contact lenses. I had to order those from her eye doctor here.

Her Dad has to find her an eye doctor and pediatrician in his town.

He's not even sure what high school he is sending her to.

I am STRESSING.

He doesn't have a landline in his house. I can rarely get her on her cell phone. ACK!

I miss her too, not the times when she was being mean, but HER.
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Last night I had a dream that I was climbing the stairs in my childhood house.

Only in the dream, they were kind of like those long bridges that you see in movies, the ones that go across canyons in the middle of nowhere.

I made it to the top and the stairs/bridge broke so I was dangling yelling for help. Somebody came and gave me a chair so I could step down instead of falling.

Then some show-off guy told me that he could just pull himself up to the top, and he did.

Dream analysis anyone?

All I can think is that the bridge represents my life which is going to crap.

Maybe the guy with the ability to pull himself up means that if I want to pull myself up, I need to become more like a guy.

So I am going to be shaving my face every day and also start peeing standing up.

Whatchya think?
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Today, I spent the majority of the day cleaning my bedroom.

The sheets are changed. The surfaces, most of them anyway, are dusted.

The floor is vacuumed. I did about four loads of laundry, washed and dried, not folded and put away.

It looks great.

I should feel a sense of accomplishement, but all I can really think is that it will look the same in a week.

Housework sucks. It truly does. Sigh.
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SJ's teacher received a grant for some of the kids at his pre-school. He now goes to the next door kid's gym every Wednesday morning for his occupational therapy.

I go to help out. I help mostly with him, but with some of the other kids too.

He loves it. How often is something fun AND good for you?

Not much is coming to my mind, unless you're one of those people who enjoys exercise. Freaks, all of you! Yeah, I'm kidding. I'm just jealous.