Saturday, March 10, 2007

Losing The Battle

Looking older sucks!

I noticed the first big sign at age 28. The mascara wouldn't wash out from under my eyes. I realized this was because it wasn't mascara. There were black smudges under my eyes!

I'm not sure what came next. I think it was the vertical wrinkle between my eyebrows.

Then I noticed a double crease in my eyelid. No more eyeshadow for me. It only emphasized the crease.

Next the jowls arrived. They blended in nicely with the double chin.

Soon some marionette lines began etching down from my mouth.

I couldn't figure out why my lashes were pointing down. I realized it wasn't my lashes, but my eyes!

Lately I have noticed the beginning of a turkey neck - A TURKEY NECK!

Isn't 38 too young to get the dreaded turkey neck? Maybe it's the California sun. I'll fit in quite nicely with the other over-cooked wrinkled crones in this state.

I do have a brilliant idea, an idea to get ALL women interested in stopping global warming. A bunch of us turkey neck gals can be in print ads stating, "Global warming did this to my neck."

It's guaranteed that money will start flowing to the cause.

The most recent blow was the realization that not only do my eyes have a double lid, but the skin on the sides is moving in. My eyes are becoming OBLITERATED! They used to be one of my best features.

Enough was enough. I went to the store to buy some Olay Regenerist Eye-Lifting Cream. I figured out immediately how it works. You look at the price and your eyes go...

Holy freaking moly. Is there gold in that thar miniature bottle?

I also needed night cream. Oy! So I splurged on that.

But for a day cream and a face wash, I went with the store brand.

I actually set off the alarm leaving the store. It seems Olay is a commonly shoplifted item. Gee, I wonder why!

While I don't expect my eyes to magically regenerate, it would be nice if the aging process could slow down just a teeeeeennnnsy bit.

I don't have enough wisdom to look THIS old yet.



Blogger Pendullum said...

You are one funny lady...

3:11 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Thank you.

3:13 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Oh, my. Don't say "turkey neck." Just say you got dewlap -- all over.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

Oh...I don't want to think about aging.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Sarah Louise said...


I've heard that raw potatoes are good for the circles under your eyes. I saw it on Ellen, so it must be true (though I haven't tried it for my circles yet...)


6:04 AM  
Blogger craftydabbler said...

I've just recently noticed the jowls. I'm not happy about it. It's funny because I look at women with all gray hair, and wrinkles, and I think they look great, they haved lived their lives and have aged well. It is the inbetween, the blending of the gray and the brown (in my case), or the wrinkle here but not there that makes it look like you are going to pot.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Waspgoddess said...

This was a solid 10 out of 10. Excellent fun to read!

Being of the same age it's interesting to read in what order your disasters have reared up. My progression towards the inevitable is almost reversed. Only very recently did that dreaded vertical line show up between my eyes, but I've been jowly since the beginning of time (at least my early 30s).

I agree that you may have a cure for global warming though...

12:13 PM  
Blogger Ty said...

I have to admit that I don't have jowls yet, I guess all the fat keeps it firmed up?

I do have some lines in my forehead and I've always had dark circles under my eyes.

And so far, no turkey neck either. I think the fat helps with that too.

Guess it's good for somethin', lol.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Undomestic said...

I am so where you are right now. I just spent $45 for a sampler anti-aging skin treatment kit from Bath and Body Works....Except there are like 5 steps morning and night. I'm not so disciplined!

5:39 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Do you think wearing a garlic necklace will ward off the turkey neck? I'm gonna try it.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Yeah that stuff is expensive......which sucks. And it does work....well, provided you use it daily....which I suck at doing! Hence...I look old. *sigh*

6:12 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

Hoss - I remember hearing that expression but can't remember what it means. Refresh my (dissappearing) mind.

Bookworm - You can run but you can't hide.

SL - Hmmm, I haven't tried that. I've heard plastic surgery is good. :)

Crafty - I'm at the in-between stage too.

Waspgoddess - You look much younger than me. You look maybe late twenties early thirties. :) I think I got the vertical line early from squinting in the sun. Sunglasses give me a headache that goes around the back of my head from ear to ear.

Ty - I have fat AND a turkey neck. Grrrr.

Undomestic - I'm not five step disciplined either. B & B Works does make good stuff though.

Roxanne - It might ward off your husband. Hee hee

Chelle - You look great. I've noticed you have TONS of HNT visitors. They can't all be wrong.

7:54 AM  
Blogger paula said...

You earn your face, I think prople are beautiful when they get a little age on 'em.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Models use hemorrhoid cream under their eyes...gets rid of any bags. I'd try it but I'm too embarrassed to get hemorrhoid cream ;)

9:41 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I've had dark circles since birth, practically. Just one of the many downsides of having pale, delicate skin.

Maybe you and Tipper Gore can team up to add the aging skin issue to the global warming discussion. :)

6:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, none of that crap works. That's why I always have stuff to give you. I've already tried it. Try Ponds Cold Cream. It won't help either, but at least your skin feels moisterized. If we were only rich, we cound go the route of the movie stars and have plastice surgery. Of course, then we might all look like Joan Rivers!


8:31 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

Paula - Then I am gorgeous indeed!

Bearette - Send your hubby to buy it.

Liz - I just had Tipper's number a second ago. Now where is it...

Mom - I think Joan Rivers and Meg Ryan got a two for one deal at that plastic surgeon. Ugh.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

I look in the mirror in the morning before work and feel sorry for the people that have to look at me all day. As long as I avoid mirrors I hardly ever think about how badly I am aging. Just laugh alot... thats better than any cream.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

MR - If I want to laugh a lot, I HAVE to look in the mirror!

5:17 PM  
Blogger badgerdaddy said...

Hurray for being male - I think I look okay! And I've avoided wrinkles with two simple methods: First, I ate enough to reach maximum density, which irons them out from the inside. And second, I have the most incredible poker face...

But I'm loving aging. It's great - especially if SLF was right, and my hair is going white/gray at the sides, so I look like a badger. That would be CLASS.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Badgerdaddy - It is one of the great injustices of life that men look better as they age.

7:43 PM  

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