Thursday, March 01, 2007

Smidgens

Despite the fact that I am female, the housekeeping gene has passed me by.

I don't want to be a crappy housekeeper. It's not intentional.

Part of my problem is my speed. I rush through the house with all the momentum of a stoned tortoise.

Another part of my problem is lack of organization.

If I find the key that's been missing to a padlock, I can't find the padlock.

The next week I find the padlock and I can't find the key.

This will go on for a year. Finally I'll throw away the key.

The next day the padlock appears.
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I'm sure everybody has heard about the New York KFC/Taco Bell that was overrun by rats.

Hey, EVERYBODY needs a little KFC. (Feel free to groan at that one.)
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My son often confuses his pronouns. For example, when he's fighting with his sister, he'll come tell me, "Sissy hit you", meaning she hit him.

If he uses the toilet, he says, "Yay, you did it!"

We were in his music class a few weeks ago. A lullaby was playing so the room was close to silent.

He passed gas and I heard it. I wasn't positive that anybody else did. I hoped not.

Then he said quite loudly, and with glee, "YOU FARTED!"

I'm not sure if he was mixing up the pronouns or if it was purposeful. I almost think it was purposeful.
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I have been trying to exercise more lately. One of my torture devices is an old "Arms and Abs of Steel" video by the Marquis de Sade Tamilee Web.

During a segment where I am supposed to be working on arms, she does tricep push-ups off the edge of the chair.

Then she starts doing them with one arm while stating, "This is easier than it looks."

Trust me, if I had an extra hand, I'd be using it to flip her off.
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My husband and I had a chance to go out last weekend.

I pushed my pineapple coconut margarita towards him so he could have a taste, but I spilled some on the table.

Valiantly, I resisted the urge to stick my straw in the spill and suck it up.

It was that good.
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I recently read about a Vermont rabbi named Bob Alper who left congregational life to become a comedian.

One of the things he talks about is the challenges of raising teens.

Is he funny? I'll bet he is. I enjoyed this quote on parenting a teenager.

"It turns out the Bible has something to say about kids that age. The reason Abraham was about to sacrifice Isaac at the age of 12 and not 13 is because at 13, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice."

Amen.

19 Comments:

Blogger Liz said...

Don't you mean, "Everyone needs a little KFR?"

1:33 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I am a terrible housekeeper as well. I try. Really I do. I wish I had it in me to be organized. I think I have the padlock for your key.
You farted....snicker....

1:42 PM  
Blogger paula said...

Thanks for the laugh Caro!

2:00 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Liz - good point!

C - i was intrigued by the ratty Taco Bell. not enough to go there, though ;

2:01 PM  
Anonymous mad rabbit said...

Well with the 11 secret seasonings who could tell whether is was rat, or chicken. Hell maybe there are rat parts in the secret seasoning. Yummmmm. Yesterday SJ turned 4 and gramma cried because she does not want him to grow up.
Bwaahaahaaaa my word verification letters start with kfc

4:21 PM  
Blogger Ty said...

I love what that comedian said, it is so the truth!!

I am housekeeping and organizationally challenged. I did way better when I didn't work outside the home, now I can't keep up.

And I would've sucked that margarita off the table with a straw and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

5:57 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

I thought you were going to say that you were tempted to lick the drink off the table. Somehow the straw seems very civilized now. ;)

9:11 PM  
Blogger Waspgoddess said...

I too lack that vital housekeeping gene, and only last night my man and I were discussing what we should do about the fact that we both hate cleaning. And it has now [almost] been decided that we're getting a cleaner... yippie! I think it could do wonders not only for the state of our home, but you know... with no grumpy moods resulting from a messy kitchen things could really get interesting :)

4:06 AM  
Blogger Joke said...

Oddly enough, I do an OK job of housekeeping.

[shrug]

-J.

4:49 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

Liz - It must not be an urban legend.

GM - My face turned so red, I felt it.

Paula - I'm glad you thought I was funny.

Bearette - The video is online at Comcast I think.

MR - I'm sure at the very least there could be cockroach parts. Ewwww.

Ty - I stay at home and can't keep it clean. If I worked outside the house, nobody would even be able to walk in the door. Pat yourself on the back for all you do.

Roxanne - Maybe I should have done it. It would have been less messy.

Waspgoddess - Even if we could get a cleaner, she would throw up her hands.

Joke - That noise you hear is me blowing a raspberry at you. :)

7:37 AM  
Blogger Sarah Louise said...

I missed that gene too.

I have a bunch of padlocks and keys in my junk drawer...

has anyone seen my super glue??


okay, I have failed at least 3 vws today. Wass up wi that???

7:50 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

SL - I just got back from your blog. It looks like we were doing a simultaneous visit. :P

I haven't seen superglue around here since the late 90's. It dissapeared too much to replenish.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

I saw the video...ewww...makes me wonder what the the hell was in my steak fajita last week....

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Kids are the sh*t...almost quite literally....Miss C also confuses her pronouns...but alas, I haven't farted in public yet...

8:23 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

I'm the same with the housekeeping!
When I was younger it used to freak me now and make me feel bad NOW I just blame it on ADD;p

You farted..bwahaaahaahaahaa,sorry..heeheehe..haahaahaa. Ohhh I bet you wanted to DIE.
I've taken to locking my kids up when we go out. Life is waaay less embarrasing,hee.

You've got me laughing all over the place with post. My cheeks hurt!

10:26 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

This is quite funny, Caro. (And if you ever think of coming to visit me, please get the farts out of your system first. Thankee.)

3:55 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Mary - Miss C has other ways of getting you, I'm sure. :)

Ms. L. - ADD? You're a genius.

Old Hoss - You missed my dung beetle donut a few days ago! I promise not to bring my farts to your blog.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

I REALLY needed that! Thanks for the laugh. I always love reading your posts.

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Move closer. I'll clean your house, cook your meals and babysit every weekend.

Mom

10:39 AM  
Blogger Undomestic said...

I thought you were writing about me with the missing housekeeping gene. I have the exact same problem!!! I take so long, that I can't finish a darn thing because I've completely lost interest. And it doesn't help when you're constantly interrupted by little ones. Or when you know you're just going to have to do it all over the next day.

8:12 PM  

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