Thursday, August 09, 2007

Looks So Cute, Smells So Bad

It was the evening of July 25th. My husband turned on the shower for me. I ran down the hallway peeling off my clothes and he said, "Get the hell away from me!"

Perhaps I'll start at the beginning. I was giving a bath to Sammy when I smelled an ungodly stench. I looked around the bathroom for Cecil but he wasn't there.

The rest of the family began noticing the smell. It was beyond horrendous.

Now Mandy takes her job very seriously. Mandy's self-appointed job is to patrol the backyard and make sure that no other critters are in it. She chases squirrels, birds, lizards and the occasional cat. On July 25th Mandy caught herself a skunk.

Have you ever driven down the road and smelled a skunk? I'm telling y'all that's nothing. NOTHING!

When a skunk has sprayed in the immediate vicinity of your house, it is a stench beyond imagination. My husband compared it to being at ground zero when a bomb explodes, a bomb of rotting corpses. He called it peutronium.

Have you ever watched the old Pepe LePeau cartoons? The person who drew those had once smelled a skunk. I guarantee it.

Holy moly. I got Sammie out of the tub. I grabbed my purse to go to the store. Both girls insisted on going with me to avoid the smell. Only the funny thing was that we couldn't drive away from the smell. Even though the windows of my car had been up, the smell permeated the car. There was no escape.

We went into the store to buy some de-stinking materials. Then we came to another realization. WE smelled like skunk. I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Jasmine was beyond embarrassed.

Once we got home, I mixed a brew to clean the dogs with. Boots and Mandy were the victims, Mandy foremost. Cecil had been inside.

My husband gave me a mask for my face. I went in the garage and called the two very freaked-out dogs to me. They didn't want to hold still for their cleansing. Mandy was the worse. It was an eye-watering smell. I did the best I could and then I tackled Boots. After their "baths" I hosed them off in the backyard.

I told my husband to start the shower because I was coming in. When I came in, peeling off my clothes, he told me to keep the hell away from him. And there I was hoping for a back scrub.

Here's another tidbit that highlights my total ignorance. I always thought the smell of a skunk stuck to dogs because they had fur. I assumed the smell would wash off human skin. So I didn't wear gloves when I cleaned the dogs. Wanna guess whose hands smelled like piss for three days?

While I showered, my husband made hotel reservations. The house was unbearably smelly. There was no way we could have stayed home.

We drove to the motel. It was well past midnight. We stunk and our vehicles stunk. What an impressive family we were.

Everybody elsed showered once we got in the room. I went to the store again to see if I could find something to get the smell off my hands. It was fruitless.

The dogs still stink after countless baths and de-stinking. The backyard still stinks.

Do skunks even have natural predators? Can anything get around the stink to eat these.

I'm guessing not because it has been a banner year around here for the little buggers. I used to see them and think they were so cute. But just like a newborn baby with a soiled diaper, the cuteness fools you until the smell comes up and sucker punches you. GACK!


Blogger MsCellania said...

Acid - like acetic acid in white vinegar, citric acid in citrus juices and tomatoes, etc will cut skunk quicker than anything else. I got skunked at the U-Cross Ranch outside of Sheridan WY 25+ years ago. Actually, the retriever got skunked, but I was within drifting distance. Neither the dog or I could quit vomiting for about 5 minutes. We finally made it down and the ranch foreman told me strip off my clothing. He poured white vinegar, tomato juice, orange juice etc all over me and his poor dog. He knew to wear gloves, and told me to use rags to scrub myself down. I smelled for a week. We flew home in a small aircraft, and every person on there was begging the cigar smoker to keep his cigars lit and puffing.
(I also got thrown off a horse that weekend. Good thing I was too drunk to get hurt very badly.) I had my eye on a cowboy, but smelling so badly absolutely ruined my chances for any action that weekend.
This isn't a HA - I BEAT YOU post, by the way. I'm just telling you boy, do I ever know how vile skunk is. One of the best predator repellent known on the planet. And no; I have never been back to Sheridan, WY.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

They are cute with that white stripe and the way they waddle, but the smell...whoa. My childhood dog got sprayed once, but I think was in college when it happened (lucky me). I believe my mom whipped out the tomato juice.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Ty said...

Oh I feel your pain. We had a husky that got sprayed, thankfully out in the woods somewhere. Needless to say he stayed outside for a long time, even after countless baths he stunk for what felt like forever.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Mscellania - You made me ROFL at your story, especially the part about not getting any action.

Bearette - I'm sure it's a fond memory for your Mom. LOL

Ty - I have let them in the house but I think my husband is sending them back out.

9:37 PM  
Blogger Chris H said...

YEEEE HAAAAA we do not get such evil critters down here, THANK GOD by the sound of it.... remind me not to visit ya ! Well, at least not while you have skunks in your back yard anyway!!!!

9:45 PM  
Blogger velcro said...

They are so cute, but I'm glad we don't get them over here. I'm just stuck with two housecats whose litter tray stinks the place out no matter how often it's changed.

4:27 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

It wouldn't have occurred to me to wear gloves, either. You have done a great public service today!

Also- I've heard of people keeping skunks as pets, but they get their stink glands (I'm sure that's the correct anatomical name) removed.

5:51 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

Oh NO! But,beautifully told,lol
I hate that smell and man does it ever burn the eyes and nose.
I love that you guys went into a hotel,smart thinking!

One night Annie came to visit and the Hubs and I were pissed off at her owner becase it was midnight and she should not have been roaming around...WELL we soon discovered why she wasn't in the house,she'd been skunked,lol and we were the only suckers who would let her in..but not for long,ew!

12:31 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

You didn't say: Did you try the old tomato juice trick? It is supposedly foolproof.

(Is this something you wish you knew before this?)

5:41 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Dang the bad luck on getting your back srubbed in the shower.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Undomestic said...

Oh my, sounds horrible!

9:49 PM  
Blogger Joke said...

Listen to Ms. and drop some, er, acid.


11:56 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

Gross...glad we don't have "smell internet" yet!

10:13 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Chris H - But I serve diet coke.

Velcro - I had a cat we called Tom the Bomb because even if you scooped IMMEDIATELY, the smell still lingered.

Liz - I think I'd rather stick to dogs.

Ms. L - Yuck, what a pleasant surprise that must have been for you.

Old Hoss - I swear the tomato juice accentuated the stench.

Lori - There's nothing like a good back scrub, nothing.

Undomestic - It was ghastly, but funny too.

Joke - I have done it quite a few times now and the smell is still there. My husband caught Boots in one of the kid's beds this morning too. GRRRRR.

Vernicious - LOL. No telling what kind of odors people would put about.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

You poor thing! The smell of skunk is just awful!

6:58 PM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

Ick. I feel for you. That happened to us more than once. Our dog, Waffle got sprayed right between the eyes. She came running in the house WAILIING and stuck up the whole place. It is beyond rank. I hope your friends are putting up with your smelliness. LOL

8:47 PM  
Anonymous bec said...

I can laugh loud and long, cos this ain't never going to happen to me all the way down here on the world's biggest island.

Them skunks? They missed the land bridge.

Here's hoping it's all sweetly fragranced once more at the TMI spot!

7:45 PM  
Blogger My float said...

Oh I have tears rolling down my face, and not because I've been skunked. That's hilarious. Mind you, I'm only laughing because I know it's never going to happen to me!

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Micki said...

So far I've been off work 2 days. The front door was sprayed, I think. But the smell that has engulfed our home is definitely skunk. I washed all our clothes; baked fresh ground coffee mixed with cinnamon boiled vinegar with cinnamon and showered a number of times. but the smell lingers. Novices at this we got in the car to get away from the smell. We now have a stinkmobile. However kinky it sounds my hubby and I are going to wash each other in white vinegar, orange juice and tomatoes while wearing gloves. Do I have to wash my hair in this mix too?

3:00 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Micki - You're probably okay with shampoo. The smell on my hands took three days. The dogs, sadly, took about three months to quit smelling. Good luck!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Micki said...

Thanks for all the help. It took 3 days. I learned to add a cup of vinegar to my wash to make sheets smell fresh. I also learned that I could bath in vinegar, orange juice and lemon juice and actually like it!But most of all I've learned that when I have a question, turn to my friends online. Thanks again, Micki

5:53 PM  

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