Looks So Cute, Smells So Bad

It was the evening of July 25th. My husband turned on the shower for me. I ran down the hallway peeling off my clothes and he said, "Get the hell away from me!"

Perhaps I'll start at the beginning. I was giving a bath to Sammy when I smelled an ungodly stench. I looked around the bathroom for Cecil but he wasn't there.

The rest of the family began noticing the smell. It was beyond horrendous.

Now Mandy takes her job very seriously. Mandy's self-appointed job is to patrol the backyard and make sure that no other critters are in it. She chases squirrels, birds, lizards and the occasional cat. On July 25th Mandy caught herself a skunk.

Have you ever driven down the road and smelled a skunk? I'm telling y'all that's nothing. NOTHING!

When a skunk has sprayed in the immediate vicinity of your house, it is a stench beyond imagination. My husband compared it to being at ground zero when a bomb explodes, a bomb of rotting corpses. He called it peutronium.

Have you ever watched the old Pepe LePeau cartoons? The person who drew those had once smelled a skunk. I guarantee it.

Holy moly. I got Sammie out of the tub. I grabbed my purse to go to the store. Both girls insisted on going with me to avoid the smell. Only the funny thing was that we couldn't drive away from the smell. Even though the windows of my car had been up, the smell permeated the car. There was no escape.

We went into the store to buy some de-stinking materials. Then we came to another realization. WE smelled like skunk. I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Jasmine was beyond embarrassed.

Once we got home, I mixed a brew to clean the dogs with. Boots and Mandy were the victims, Mandy foremost. Cecil had been inside.

My husband gave me a mask for my face. I went in the garage and called the two very freaked-out dogs to me. They didn't want to hold still for their cleansing. Mandy was the worse. It was an eye-watering smell. I did the best I could and then I tackled Boots. After their "baths" I hosed them off in the backyard.

I told my husband to start the shower because I was coming in. When I came in, peeling off my clothes, he told me to keep the hell away from him. And there I was hoping for a back scrub.

Here's another tidbit that highlights my total ignorance. I always thought the smell of a skunk stuck to dogs because they had fur. I assumed the smell would wash off human skin. So I didn't wear gloves when I cleaned the dogs. Wanna guess whose hands smelled like piss for three days?

While I showered, my husband made hotel reservations. The house was unbearably smelly. There was no way we could have stayed home.

We drove to the motel. It was well past midnight. We stunk and our vehicles stunk. What an impressive family we were.

Everybody elsed showered once we got in the room. I went to the store again to see if I could find something to get the smell off my hands. It was fruitless.

The dogs still stink after countless baths and de-stinking. The backyard still stinks.

Do skunks even have natural predators? Can anything get around the stink to eat these.

I'm guessing not because it has been a banner year around here for the little buggers. I used to see them and think they were so cute. But just like a newborn baby with a soiled diaper, the cuteness fools you until the smell comes up and sucker punches you. GACK!