Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Surely the Easiest Meme I've Ever Done

25 THINGS THAT SHIT ME TO TEARS

1. Swarms of pedestrians in the crosswalk in front of the grocery store that walk veeery slowly. Just move it and let me through, would ya?

2. People, who when I'm merging on the freeway, speed up and totally screw my merge.

3. The glass of apple juice that always spills on the floor five minutes after I've mopped it.

4. Poopy diapers that smell worse than the elephants at the zoo. (I think elephants poop smaller than my son though.)

5. "Easy open" food packaging that I end up hacking with a knife and cutting to shreds while trying to get into it.

6. People who feel like the anonymity of the internet allows them to say nasty things to others. (Not talking about any of you. Cafemom reference.)

7. People who feel their way is the ONLY way to do things and criticize yours. (Yes Virginia, there is more than one way to fuck a chicken.)

8. Food manufacturers who feel like every freaking product they produce has to be filled with gluten. That would be most all of them.

9. The smell of a cat box. (One reason we will never again own a cat. There's enough stinky things around here.)

10. That lovely lump of fat that permanently lands around the midsection after the first child.

11. Celebrities with private jets telling the rest of us to think green.

12. Celebrities acting like twits who constantly make the news. Color me unsympathetic, but could Britney just jump off a cliff and get it over with already?

13. The cost of groceries.

14. Property taxes. I already payed for it now I have to get squeezed yet again twice a year.

15. The rising cost of medical insurance. Yep, my husband's employer passed it on big time this year.

16. Housework, ugh.

17. People who get to the checkout line and dig in their purse/wallet for 20 minutes.

18. Pants that shrink in length the first time you wash them.

19. When the bite of food that missed my mouth lands on my boobs.

20. When my kids use my clothes for a napkin.

21. Stepping in bubblegum.

22. Wrinkles.

23. Pants that fit great when you try them on then sag in the ass after the first hour you wear them.

24. My complete lack of ass to hold my pants up.

25. People who are perfect parents and look down their noses at the rest of us. Yeah, whatever.

13 Comments:

Blogger Chris H said...

Nice list, I'm sure we could all add to it! I would, but I'm tired....

10:19 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

#18 and #23- YES! God. I hate that.

And pretty much everything else on your list, too. Instead of doing this meme I might just say, "What Caro said."

5:51 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

I know so many #7s...still haven't figured out how to deal with them. Do you nod and smile? Arguing with them is usually a fruitless task.

#24...sorry, can't relate ;) I've always had an ass. And hips. Just call me Earth Mama.

6:18 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

Chris - Maybe you could make your own.

Liz - I'm sure you could do a long and much funnier list.

Bearette - Number 7's are hard. Usually I just nod and say uh huh, then turn around and do things my way. I envy you your ass and hips.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Mary Poppins said...

1, 17 and 18 kill me...

12:03 PM  
Blogger craftydabbler said...

I am so with you on 8, 16, 18, 19 and 23.

I have so many friends and family who are either wheat or gluten intolerant/allergic that risotto is about the only thing I can cook at get-togethers.

Housework is the bane of my existence. Coffee helps though.

I usually get to wear a shirt a couple of times before I spill something oily like salad dressing on it, staining it permanently.

And the pants thing is so frustrating. I am long-waisted which means that pants hardly ever fit in the first place.

12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the office there's a good feeling when you finish a project well. At home when you finish a project (such as a clean spanking house), you are freaking wasting your time. The family never appreciates it and it doesn't stay done for anytime at all.

The only thing that keeps us doing housework is that we can't stand to be in filth. Mom

P.S. If you wonder why I always blog as anonomouse, it's because I can never remember my username and password.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Ms.L said...

Hee I love this list!
I have the same prob with pants shrinking and food landing on my boobs,lol
NOw I wear a bib when I eat;p

11:35 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

Mary - That's right. You are a fellow pedestrian hater.

Craftydabbler - Welcome back. Wouldn't it be nice to be rich enough to have custom made pants?

Mom - What anonomouse? Is it the opposite of a yesyesrat?

Ms. L - I wonder what people think when you wear it in the restaurant.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Mad Rabbit said...

Well, having been the perfect parent, and housekeeper I find it very hard to relate to any of this stuff. If you don't believe me just write to my kids. One is in prison, the other in drug rehab.
Oh and about (wait, oh shit, gotta adjust the padding I have added to these saggyassed pants and scrape this ummm gooey stuff off the front of my blouse, then I am going grocery shopping and hopefully run over Brittney Spears in the parking lot, or at least run her off the road on the way.)

9:30 AM  
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