One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest
Tonight my oldest child left home.
It was not a happy decision on anybody's part. It was not the way I imagined her leaving home, maybe moving into a dorm or an apartment.
She chafed at our rules, things like curfews and no boys spending the night.
When my husband caught her spooning a male friend at 2:30 in the morning, she couldn't imagine why he was upset.
I am so weary of fighting with her. I am weary of the constant pushing of the boundaries. I'm tired of being told that I am unreasonable and everybody else's parents let them do it.
It's simple to me. Follow the rules and live here. Not so simple for her it seems.
So she is gone and my chest hurts.
And that's life and it sucks.
It was not a happy decision on anybody's part. It was not the way I imagined her leaving home, maybe moving into a dorm or an apartment.
She chafed at our rules, things like curfews and no boys spending the night.
When my husband caught her spooning a male friend at 2:30 in the morning, she couldn't imagine why he was upset.
I am so weary of fighting with her. I am weary of the constant pushing of the boundaries. I'm tired of being told that I am unreasonable and everybody else's parents let them do it.
It's simple to me. Follow the rules and live here. Not so simple for her it seems.
So she is gone and my chest hurts.
And that's life and it sucks.
posted by Caro at 7:52 PM
18 Comments:
Oh, Caro, I'm so sorry.
That chest hurting thing sucks. It's so hard to stand your ground, even though you know it's the right thing to do.
Hugs to you and your hubby.
Yep, that's shit alright. Sorry you're having a sucky time.
It's kind of like people think a switch flips and they become adults... without having to be mature about it. I'm sure I was the same, and probably more trouble.
I'm sorry, Caro.
Daysgoby - Thank you.
Roxanne - Thank you. I hope she gets what it is that she needs out of this.
Badgerdaddy - I was the same too. Damn it why do my kids have to be just like me?
Bearette - Thank you. I miss the "E" stage when they love you with no reservations.
Ah, Carolyn, I'm sorry you're going through this...
Thank you Paula. It helps knowing she has a safe place to go.
I have found (in all my bloody experience) that some leave 'NICELY' and some have to create problems so they can leave! Whatever way they leave, rest assured they come back.... hopefully only to visit ... take a deep breath and just imagine how NICE it's going to be without all the aggro she caused! The SMILE dammit!
THEN smile dammit!
Thanks Chris. It's a funny looking smile but I'm trying.
I'm so sorry to read that....it must suck....keep writing on cafemom to get it off your chest....
Mary - Thanks. Maybe I'll go bash somebody. That might make me feel better. (Kidding)
Awww sweetie,I'm sorry:(
Thanks Lael. She hasn't called me to tell me where she lives yet so I assume I'm being punished.
No, Not EVERYONE's parents are letting them take control of the house. However, the ones that do let the kids rule might just have the ultimate "Fuck You" thrown in their face, in the form of another baby to raise! YAY! The bonus round! My sister has had this happen to both her children. The oldest one has moved out with the child and is now living with the sperm donor, but the other one (baby is now 3 weeks old) will probably NEVER move out. And if she does, it won't be with her spawn. She's already going out partying again, has given up nursing ('then nobody else can feed the baby if it's only my boobs! And I need my sleep!") she's not working, hasn't spent a nickel of her own to provide any provisions, etc.
I would say you are doing a GREAT job of raising your future adult. You have to think of the example she is setting for your other two, and how much this is affecting the rest of the house! It's just not HER, all the time, front and center.
Oh, also meant to add that I'm sorry your are hurting. Of course you are. You know she's with a gf for a few days 'til the welcome is worn out, then she'll be with her dad.
And then on to college, right?!!!
I'm soooooooo sorry Carolyn. Hugs
I'm so sorry, Caro. I think you did the right thing, though I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any better.
Since I've been pregnant I've realized that I understand my mother- and our relationship- in a way I never could before.
This too shall pass.
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