A Long Boring Autism Related Rant

I am going to preface this rant by saying it takes a lot to make me mad. I do not get offended easily. But a "friend" IRL offended me very much in December and I can't quit chewing on it. I am hoping if I get it out I can get on to thinking of more productive things.

All of you are probably aware my son has autism. While it is part of my life, it is not an all consuming part of my life. I have one kid with brown eyes, two kids with blue eyes and one of my blue-eyed children happens to have autism.

I never suspected autism at first. After all, I had seen the movie Rain Man. That was autism, right?

So we started out treating for speech delays and my son was also in occupational therapy but I wasn't sure why he needed to be there.

Then his speech therapist said he should be evaluated and I started to get a bit nervous. Then we got a diagnosis of PDD-NOS and I was relieved until I did research and realized that PDD-NOS is autism light. Later, and with further testing, we did get the autism diagnosis.

When I realized it was autism, I was devastated. What was I supposed to do now? Well the first thing I did was get on a very long waiting list for services. Yes, the services are thankfully free but you're in line behind five-hundred other parents.

I did internet research. I changed my son's diet with great results. We took some music classes that were followed by a speech explosion. After a year-long wait, we received ABA therapy. He went to a great pre-school courtesy of the school district when he turned three.

I went from sadness to anger and confusion to "what the hell do I do now" to acceptance.

I have come to the realization that my son is not broken. The therapies are not to "fix" him. The therapies are to help him cope in a world that can be very unforgiving.

There are many things for parents of children on the spectrum to try. There are different diets, therapies, vitamins and supplements. There are so many tests and scans that can be run.

But one thing I feel all the parents of autistic children have in common is we have been given a million-piece jigsaw puzzle. It has no edge pieces and we don't know what the finished picture is going to look like. So we do our best trying different things to solve that puzzle. And we are all in this together.

And really everyone's children have to learn to cope in the world. We do our best to teach them right from wrong, good manners and how to relate to others. My son just happens to need a bit of extra help.

He is funny and smart and wonderful and the only thing I would change is to make life easier for him.

I have a "friend" I met about a year ago. Her daughter had not been diagnosed yet. Her daughter had been hitting all her milestones and then she just regressed. My friend was getting the run around from the people doing the testing and it was obvious something was wrong with her daughter.

I faithfully listened to this friend vent about these things. I made suggestions and was a sounding board. I congratulated her when she got her diagnosis, got services and started bio-medical treatments.

I have seen her daughter change for the better after she did chelation. I have been supportive. No matter what service she got, she would pick it apart and wonder if it was the correct service for her. And still I listened and suggested she pick what she felt was the best choice.

I kept waiting for her to open her eyes to what she did have and to quit being mad at her perceptions of what she didn't have.

This went on until we were talking on the phone just before Christmas and she said in a nasty tone of voice, "Your son isn't even autistic. You should have just sent him to school and explained away his quirks as ADHD."

And then she got off the phone. I was left feeling like I had been hit by a truck. And I thought and thought and thought about this comment. I tried very hard not to be pissed off. But it didn't work.

My son is doing wonderfully and I am grateful for that.

But she wasn't here when I had a baby who constantly screamed in the car. Groceries had to be purchased and kids had to be picked up to school. And there was a baby screaming in the back the whole way.

She wasn't here when he would wake up from his nap and have forty-five minute tantrums that we couldn't console.

She wasn't here when he tried to run in the road while we were picking up my youngest daughter from school.

She wasn't here when I quit going to playgroups because of my son's bizarre behavior.

She's never been here when I put him in time out and he kicks his bedroom door so hard it is splintered.

I was verbally betrayed by somebody in my own community. I couldn't stop being mad and I finally sent her an e-mail today. She can apologize or not. I don't care.

We are all on this ride called parenthood together but I feel for now, she can get the hell off my bus. I hope she doesn't let the door hit her in the ass.