Doctors Without Borders

Of Facebook and High School

When my oldest daughter joined Myspace, I did also. Not because I wanted to be young and hip, but because I wanted to be careful that she did not inadvertently post something inappropriate. It is very easy to do things on the Internet without thinking and it is hard to take those things back.

When I joined Facebook, it was because so many of my bloggy friends were there. I have really come to enjoy the Facebook community, getting to know many friends better and reconnecting with old friends.

But now I am going to go way back, to my middle and high school days. I was probably one of the most wretched teens in the history of the world. I was angry, unhappy, disrespectful, loud and sarcastic. And those were my good qualities. Also, please note loud and sarcastic can't be put in the past tense.

From sixth grade until my senior year, I had a friend I shall call Mia. I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. She probably could have asked me to walk across broken glass and then soak my feet in lemonade and I might have said yes.

I was her minion. And I'm sure in some ways, she was mine. We would get together and torture other people as only teen girls can do. If she said she didn't like somebody, then I decided I didn't like them. Sometimes she changed her mind and decided she liked them, but by then the person in question hated me, because of the way I had treated them. Did I mention I wasn't the smartest person in the world?

Sometimes Mia would get tired of me and pick another best friend. By the end of high school, we would have been considered "frenemies" if the expression had been coined back in the eighties.

I also need to go off on a bit of a tangent and talk about Mia's mother. I loved her mother. She never made me feel unwelcome as so many parents did. And who could blame them? Her house always felt like getting a hug. I'm sure there were many times she wanted to choke me, but I only remember two exasperated comments from her in six years of friendship with Mia.

Her only flaw, and we are all flawed and human, is that she never disciplined Mia. Mia was much younger than her siblings and had almost died when she was a baby. The consequence was that she could do and have just about anything she wanted. Her mother worked her fingers to the bone, but instead of an appreciative child, she ended up with an entitled child.

Mia and I met up again in our twenties, but we were just not good for each other. The friendship had faded away by ninety-four and I haven't seen her since. I have heard gossip about her, but I have not seen her.

I have tried very hard since then to be the opposite of the person I was. There is no explanation for why I was such an awful person. I have no clue where the angst and immaturity came from but am happy to be well rid of it today. Hopefully, I am a good friend and person although I occasionally fall down on the job.

This brings us back to modern day and Facebook. I was on a different high school friend's profile, one I've reconnected with. She is funny and great and I'm glad we are friends again. She even lives a short half hour away.

Since it was retro week on Facebook, and we had high school pictures posted, we started talking about "back in the day." And Big Mouth Carolyn (that's me) unthinkingly made a comment about Mia's present day issues.

Another person (I'll call her Dingle Berry) made a comment that she was friends with Mia and that comment was uncalled for. She was right. I should not have put something in a public forum like that. I was not thinking when I opened my big mouth.

I apologized and removed the comment.

One would think it ended there. It didn't.

I soon received a friend request from (gasp) Mia. It was only on my home page for about five minutes before it was withdrawn. If I blinked, I would have missed it.

If Mia had wanted to e-mail me, I would have apologized. I had no right to air her dirty laundry. I can only assume she was trying to tell me she had her eye on me. And Lord help me, it made me laugh. We are forty years old. High school is finished, ended!

On the other hand, I do feel bad that Mia found out about the comment. While she is not somebody I would be friends with today, I would never purposely hurt her feelings. Dingle Berry took it upon herself to do that for me. With friends like that, who needs enemas?

My lesson has been learned. Do not EVER say something in a public forum you would not say to a person's face. It just might come back to bite you in the ass. OUCH!

Why I Love My Kids

Boy child: Mom, I want you and Dad to put a pool in the back yard.

Me: Would you rather move instead?

Boy child: No.

Me: Are you sure you don't want to move to a new house?

Boy child: NO!

Me: Why not?

Boy child: Because I would miss you guys!

Happy New Year

It's hard to believe 2010 is already here, just when I got used to writing 2009 on my checks.

I could tell stories about our interesting and sickly Pismo Beach vacation when my son pooped in the motel bed. Or I could steal an idea from Liz ,at least I think it was from Liz, and write a few letters.

I hope she doesn't mind that I borrowed her idea. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery even if you won't catch me flashing the pizza guy any time soon.


Dear Cat,

Perhaps you haven't caught on yet to the fact you are not allowed on my kitchen counter so let me lay it out for you.

Here's the deal. You shed hair on my couch, occasionally track poop on my floor and wash your ass on my bed.

So if I have just finished washing the kitchen counter, and you stupidly jump up there two seconds later, be prepared to be squirted with water or otherwise dissuaded from your course of action. You have nine lives and I'm sure you would like to save them for something significant like maybe taunting dobermans.

Sincerely,
The Establishment (You know the one who scoops your poop every single day.)


And while we're on that subject.


Dear Cat,

Please feel free to not take a crap when somebody is brushing their teeth, bathing or otherwise occupied in the bathroom.

I know you can hold it, because it miraculously appears out of you approximately thirty seconds after I have cleaned the box.

Sincerely,
The Establishment


Dear Solicitors,

I do not want to buy overpriced candy, magazine subscriptions, miracle cleaners, a new religion, pest control or cable television.

I do not want to hear that selling candy is "keeping you off the street." Parents or some other responsible adult should be keeping you off the streets.

Chances are if I am home, I have already changed into my pajamas, stripped off my bra and started cooking dinner. This means I don't want to answer the door and you really don't want to see me. Think of your corneas.

However, if somebody wants to sell me a doorbell that says, "Get the hell off my porch," instead of making a chime noise, feel free to come knocking.

The only other solicitor I am truly interested in seeing is a Girl Scout selling cookies. How come you guys never show up?

Sincerely,
Grumpy


Dear Government,

Please get out of bed with Big Pharma and quit pushing the whole immunization thing.

Some parents choose to immunize. Some parents choose not to immunize. Just like not every person reacts to medication the same way, not every child reacts to immunizations the same way.

We want honest, unbiased research done on immunizations. We do not want the same companies who make the product, conducting the research on the product. That worked so well with Big Tobacco, don't you think?

However, the fact that swine flu immunizations are not covered by the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program make makes me suspect that you are all playing footsie under the table. In fact, I'm sure of it.

Signed,
Fleeing the country